Enterprise: The Crossing (spoilers)

Pre-emptive post.

It airs in a few days, but already I know this much:

The ship is swallowed whole by a giant space whale, whose stomach acids infect everyone, leading to yet another ST “Crew Acting Funny” episode. Porthos pisses all over Archer and then chews the crap out of his extra uniform and boots. Archer consummates his passion with Trip. Trip fashions a fencing foil out of scrap metal and tries to skewer Reed with it. Reed hides in Sick Bay and spends the night playing nasty practical jokes on Phlox and his little critters. Phlox tells Hoshi he wants her to be his fourth wife and to make little Phloxites with him. Hoshi and T’Pol have a slumber party in T’Pol’s quarters and play an edgy, ancient Vulcan drinking game from back in the days when Vulcan was a much more barbaric place. T’Pol gets hungry and tries to eat Chef’s hat. Chef tries to give us some Panda but fails miserably because we don’t really want to see him in his skivvies. The Enterprise computer malfunctions and produces nothing but scrapple for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Sound good? Sound goo, NCB?

Once upon a midnight dreary
While i pondered weak and weary
Came a crashing at my door
“Oh no!” I cried, “Here comes the Bore™!”
Always talking, never stops
Eats brewer’s yeast, sniff at hops
Talks of subjects no one cares
Eats bunny rabbits, cals them “Hares”
Blows his nose with out a tissue
Always says, “I’m gonna get you!”
When near the girls, he thinks he’s bad
But they can see he’s just a cad
I let him in, what could I do?
He said he really had to poo.
Thru the door he came inside
None to swift, I tried to hide
He found me face down in the loo
Wandered in and taunted, “Boo!”
I screamed, “I’m fed up with your pranks!
The world would owe me many thanks
If i shot you in the head
And then the Police called you dead.
But I will spare you this one time
Be glad that you’re a freind of mine.”
Quothe the Raven, “Nevermore.”
Alarmed, I looked up in the night
Where I beheld an awesome sight
A thousand sheep landing on my porch
Each one with a lighted torch.
As I turned, I thought I saw
A script discarded, reading “Caw.”
I asked the Crow, “How dost thou speak?”
Replied he, “With an open beak.”
“Are these your sheep you lead amiss?”
When he answered, he had a lisp
“Yeth, the theep are mine, you fool!
We’vthe come to uthe your thwimming pool.”
At that statement, I got pissed
If only the Bore my house had missed!
In anger I attacked the Bore
And threw him through an open door
I threw them all into the night
(My anger is an awesome sight!)
Tell me now, Do you I bore?
Quothe The Doper, “None the more!”
Look for this in its own MPSIMS thread

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry NCB.
Man, life is lack luster without a new Enterprise thread. I’ve got no where to test my new material! Like this one:

Why did the cactus cross the road?
To spike the punch!
Get it? Spike, cactus? I’ve been refining that one for weeks I tell ya!

You really need to get out more.

I should hate you for mocking the most awesome poem ever but it had me giggling like a schoolgirl; I’ll let you off the hook this time, NCB.

I posted a corrected version herein MPSIMS.

So yeah… ENT may or may not last 7 seasons like its predecessors…

That’s a pretty bold statement there. Care to back it up? :wink:

Well…it’s not a bad episode

some things happened, and there was a big problem, but it was all better at the end

Damn you, athelas!

Damn you to FOX!

I mean, why should I even bother watching now?

Well, don’t highlight the spoiler boxes unless you wanna get spoiled, NCB.

My prediction for this week:
Full frontal nudity. Featuring Porthos.

I’d write more, but I really have to go to the bathroom, and exploding in a gory, bloody mess here at my desk would be totally uncool. I think it could get me fired.

NCB, that poem was, like, you know, so cool and totally awesome.



Interpret that any way you want. :wink:

This is for the 4/2 episode.

Saw it a few hours ago. I don’t know how to say this, but it uh, didn’t suck. It sounds weird to say that in an Enterprise thread.
Sure you got your classic Trek deus ex and overly informed aliens but thats to be expected. We got some funny moments, Some T’pol in a night gown and Travis got some lines. Oh and the Catwalk set got used again. I guess they’re being forced to use it until it pays for itself.
Now that I think about it, Porthos wasn’t there at all! You would think that

Archer would be worried about the bodysnatchers getting poor Porthos, heck, he didn’t even bring him to the catwalk!

On the other hand the Enterprise

actually kicked some alien ass. Go Torpedos!

Oh and the shower scene with Hoshi, you know I could have sworn that at one point

HAHA! Made you look Tars!

Oh well, it was a good episode.

That was cruel, Wearia.

Oh, i’ll get you good!

Good one, Wearia - you made me look, too. Hope you meant that part about it not sucking. I’m going to hold you to that.

And I see you are the Beast. Congratulations on your 666 posts.

I, also, will hold you to this. :wink:

Seriously, though, another dopey “ghostly space aliens possess the crew and make them act weird” episode might just be more than my already overtaxed sense of Trek tolerance can, uh, tolerate. If I didn’t have better things to do, I’d go back through all the shows and mark up a list of all the times the writers fell back on this device (just one of many examples).

On one level, I can understand the producers wanting to give their bored actors something to do besides pretending to push buttons and stare at something threatening on the viewscreen. But, come on.

I hope it doesn’t suck. Man, it hurts to say that. We deserve better from Trek than that our fervent wish for the quality of a show be only for avoidance of black holes of suckage.


What does a non-corporeal being need with a star ship?
Good visual of the posession, exhorcism stuff. The “being” shapes to the face of the human, just for an instant. Very cool.

At the start, though, it looked like Archer was taking cues from the other two, his subordinates. It was a body language/position thing. Bugged me.

But, later, Sam showed some backbone. Even stopped his silly pause/talk affectation.

Sam = Archer
Man, that girl has some large breasts! I can’t believe they showed so much in a Trek. Long live Panda!

“Have you tried this?”

“It’s bread. You’ve never eaten bread before?”

“I’ve never eaten before.”