Etiquette opinions - contributing food to social gatherings

[DaphneBlack]

Wine is easy. Even sometimes when the hosts don’t drink, they say to bring wine for the other guests.

Flowers are… nice… But probably more effort tha you’d think.

Chocolates (esp. “After dinner” variety) are the best, IMO.

[RivkahChaya]

@LSLGuy

You win. A pregnant stray cat is also good if the shelter is closed that day.

If the hosts’ tastes are especially eclectic you could even bring a live octopus in a fishbowl.

Honestly, I’d rather have a cat than flowers. I’m allergic to flowers. I’m not allergic to cats. And while my cats would disagree, if someone showed up at my house with a cat and said they just found it and didn’t know what to do, I’d rather take care of it than think they left it to the elements because they were in their good clothes.

@cochrane

And since octopuses (octopi?) are such great escape artists, a live octopus wandering around the place will really liven up any party!

Cecil on the plural of “octopus.”

Octopus is another of these third declension nouns in Latin, borrowed from Greek. The Latin plural is octopodes, which is acceptable in English, but octopuses (or even octopus) seems more at home in English. The form octopi is quite common in English, but it is pseudo-Latin. It is based on the mistaken belief that octopus was a second-declension noun like fungus. It has made its way into many English dictionaries, but I would not recommend getting tangled up with octopi.

ETA: I keep fish, and always thought a pet octopus would be cool, except for feeding it.

[Acsenray]

@Peremensoe

Look, everybody who is not a weird robot has expectations of themselves and of others in social situations. If the objective is for everybody to have a good time, we naturally expect behavior that is conducive to that, and not the reverse. People will think a little better of you if you contribute to the group’s happiness, and worse if you ruin it. So there’s nothing wrong or even slightly unusual about mutual expectations–the question is just whether a specific expectation, in a particular role, is reasonable or helpful.

As a guest, I find it conducive to present and future group happiness to bring my hosts a gift when I can, ideally something that can be used either immediately or not. I’m not buying a ticket to the event, I’m doing something nice for a friend, enjoyable in itself, and I’m possibly adding to their ability to put on a swell evening for everyone.

Sure, but, if your expectation is that contributing to happiness means that you must arrive bearing tangible gifts, then you are equating a social event with a financial transaction. It cheapens the idea of friendship and of company and of social interaction by making an exchange of valuable goods a necessary component.

If bringing something is optional, that’s a different thing. But if you believe that you are failing to do your part with you show up “empty-handed,” then you are making the occasion into a transaction of valuable goods.