There’s a whole group of us who go out to a pizza place together after Sunday evening services, which meet 2-3 times a month. Today, some friends invited us to their place for BBQ after church this evening. I asked if I could bring anything. The answer was no, with a little funny look.
Most of the time, if I’m invited to an informal get-together I ask if I can bring something. It’s just the way it’s been for my entire adult life. People are providing space, but they shouldn’t feel obligated to provide everything.
At least one friend was almost offended, and said that she would never ask guests to being something. But most of the people I spend time with are used to everyone pitching in.
So, is it typical for you to contribute something when you get together, or is it normal for you to just show up?
yeah I always at least brought something like the potato/macaroni salad or beer soda at something like that
People who get annoyed at something like that sometimes were in poverty type of situations and grew up with the idea " when I grow up and get money imma throw a party where its catered with all the good stuff … and I don’t have to ask for no one for nothin"
I always bring something. Usually a dessert. Wine isn’t a big thing in my set. If it’s a BBQ, you’re brand of beer is usually met with thanks. A family get together is usually orchestrated by one and they set the menu and ask for contributions. Church members, we don’t do it, so I don’t know.
Potluck’s are extremely common in my circles. We do them with family and friends, and occasionally work. I’ve known people who turn down offers, but I’ll usually bring something anyway.
Not only are potlucks common, but a church get-together is exactly the sort of event which I’d expect to be a potluck. And even if an event isn’t a potluck per se, “is there anything I should bring” would be regarded as a perfectly normal, polite question, which would at most get an answer like “Nah, we’re good”.
I’ll always ask if I can bring anything…it’s hard for me to imagine anyone taking offense at the question, but if they say “No thanks, we’re all set” then I respect that (if everybody brings something it’s easy to end up with way too much food, which might sit around going uneaten, need to be put away or given away or thrown away at the end of the night, etc.)
Though if it’s a “bring a dish to pass” type of gathering, assignments are important. Otherwise you’ll end up with a dozen grocery store pies and a tray of cookies
If I’m invited to a potluck I expect to bring something. If I’m invited to a meal/party I offer to bring something and happily will if it is accepted but don’t really expect it to be accepted.
Some years back, a friend hosted a pot luck, but she refused to assign or coordinate the dishes. Her attitude was “If everyone brings coleslaw, we’ll eat coleslaw.” As it happened, there was a reasonable variety of foods. I was impressed!
I’ll always ask if I can bring something, and if the answer is no, then I respect that. If I invite people for dinner rather than a pot luck, I have the meal planned, and I don’t need a random contribution messing with my plans - especially if someone brings something that I’ve already prepared. Your potato salad may be world-famous, but I don’t want to serve it with my lasagna, thanks.
All of our family gatherings are a potluck. Everyone has an assignment. I wouldn’t bring some random item. Friends’ gatherings are usually potluck too. If it’s not mentioned as that, I still ask if I can bring something. I can only think of maybe 2 times I’ve been told not to bring something.
Hosting is a lot of work - I welcome any and all help!
For things like work potlucks, there is usually a signup sheet so everyone knows what everyone else is bringing. That way you don’t wind up with a bunch of the same thing, or everyone bringing dessert. Unfortunately our group at work has gotten so small (and so many people work from home) that we rarely have potlucks anymore.
If it’s friends or family getting together, and they tell you not to bring anything, at least bring your own beer, and let them keep whatever’s left over.
We often go to pot luck gatherings. Usually, people volunteer what they are bringing, and those who speak up last know to fill in the gaps. Often the hosts will prepare the main dish and everyone fills in with apps, sides, and desserts.
Potlucks are common in my circles. Some are organized and some aren’t. Usually, when they aren’t organized, the host is providing an entre.
When i get invited to something, it’s usually clear whether contributions are expected or not. I respect the instructions I get. I have at least one friend who really wants to manage the food in his house (but invites guests to bring drinks), other people have other goals.
IMHO, this is rude - if they say they’re good, believe them.
On the other hand, my wife was like that - she’d hound the host(ess) until they gave her an assignment (usually family, so not quite as bad). We did recently attend an event where she managed to not bring anything.
I think it is very common to ask if you can bring something and if they said that they didn’t need anything, I would still bring a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer (unless I knew they didn’t drink).
We don’t do a heck of a lot of potlucks in my group. Usually someone just cooks dinner, and people just ask if there’s anything they can bring. I guess a barbecue can be a pseudo-pot luck, where a person or two may be asked to bring a side. But even if they say “no,” it is customary to bring a bottle of wine, beer, or even a bottle of whiskey.
If someone is throwing the event and you offer to bring something, even if they take you up on it, it doesn’t make it a potluck. It’s a potluck if they announce they are hosting a potluck event, and then of course you bring something.
If I am throwing a party or dinner, I am providing everything and don’t expect anyone to bring anything; that’s what the gift of a party is. I wouldn’t give you the hairy eyeball but I would insist you not bring anything. When you did anyway, I would accept it happily.
And no, I can’t go to an event empty-handed; I would bring a dessert or side, or drink or flowers. I realized at a recent event that this was almost a faux pas, since the whole thing was catered and there sat my homemade dessert. :o But they were gracious about it.
