Disclaimer: This is a UK wedding, so cultures may differ.
To set the scene, we are being invited to the wedding of a couple whom we have known for quite some time, but don’t have an active friendship with at the moment (it’s mostly internet-based on Facebook/Twitter these days). We’re delighted to be invited and are looking forward to the wedding.
I’ve recieved an email from the bride’s best friend sent to all the women, setting a date for the hen’s night. It says: “I would really appreciate it if you could a) let me know if you can make it or not, b) if you would be coming for the whole weekend or just on one day/night, c) budget ball park figures and d) any suggestions to make the bride’s hen do go off with a bang!”
I’m going to decline the hen’s night party, it’s really not my sort of thing and it would mean another trip to London at a time of year when our weekends tend to be really busy.
My question is, if I decline the hen’s night, should I be offering a sum of money for the ‘do’?
Of course not - as you pointed out, you’re currently on an internet-based friendship and as such not in anyway or shape required to pony up for the hen night that you are not attending…now if you were her bff and couldn’t make the hen-night I can see why you might consider wanting to chip in
Yeah, no. If you’re declining with plenty of time (e.g. Not bugging out at the last second once everything has been booked) then you don’t owe anything for the hen’s night. If you really feel bad about not doing something, perhaps send a few quid along in a card to pay for a round of drinks for the girls or some other token like that.
I’m British, so feel qualified to speak up for the culture
No, you don’t need to give any money. In fact, I’ve never heard of such a thing and think the organiser would be rather surprised by the offer. The people going will pay their own way.
Weddings are expensive enough without having to pony up for a hen night you aren’t even attending (I LOATHE hen nights).
Question answered, but since when has that stopped me from putting my 2 pence in?
I think what you have here in an inviter who was trying to let people know that she isn’t paying for the hen night without seeming rude. She’s letting people know it’s a pay-your-way evening, so that she’s not stuck with the bill and so she has some idea of what people are willing to spend.
