So mini-Marli, against my express orders, is continuing to grow up and has now started her period. (She’s 10. Why a 10 year old feels the need for boobs and functioning ovaries is beyond me, but that’s another thread.)
She’s taking it all in stride, like she does most everything, and seeing as how she’s a weird child (if you ask her why she’s weird she’ll tell you it’s in her DNA) I’d like to make her a “Welcome to Womanhood!” card, including every term for thattimeofthemonth that I can come up with. So far I’ve got:
The Curse
Visit from Aunt Flo
Surfing the crimson wave
The infantry has landed
On the rag
Monthly visitor
My ass is falling off (that one may be specific to me, since that what mine always feel like)
Any others? Also, why the hell is this child growing up so fast?
My friends and I used to refer to it as “bleeding dead babies” but I don’t think that’s age appropriate. And for the record, I started my period at 9 years old. It SUCKED. Hopefully she’ll have a better time of it.
Aunt Ruby’s in town
The reason I cried at a stupid commercial last night
Why Dad has a big zit on his forehead (in a house with 3 females who all synced up, HE was the one who broke out!)
Not what you’re looking for, but in high school we called girls who had sex while on their periods “jelly rolls.”
My mom only said this to me when I was older and she was edging into the change:
“That’s the blood baby kicking” <cramping was a part of it> <no kids, happy that way for me>
I easily horrify every woman I say that to…]
But–they get it.
I was not sexually active when she started saying that to me and it was just really awful periods. I use it as a shorthand.
I’ve got the FTS(fixin to start).
I can’t think of any more euphemisms for menstruation but I have one for sanitary pads.
I started my period when I was ten and a half and the only pads on the market were Kotex(with the awful belt). One day, in mixed company I told my mother matter of factly that I needed another Kotex.
“Shhh”, she hissed at me and directed me to the bathroom. “We don’t say that word around men”. Yeah, color me confused, Mom. She decided we would call them K’s.
So this has been a running joke between the hubby and me for some time. If I’m low and he’s going out I’ll tell him to get some K’s. I’m not shy about using the words “sanitary napkins” around men anymore, but Mom sure put some funny ideas in my head.
I too was 9. I was kind of smug about it, to be honest. I’d read* Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret* after all. I didn’t start having really severe PMS for another five years.
No thread on menstruation would be complete without the obligatory Onion link.
Heh. My mom moved out when I was 13 and Dad had to start doing the shopping. He told me if I needed any “female items” (mumbling it) to write it on the grocery list. My older sister and I took sadistic pleasure in yelling at each other across the house, “HEY, SIS, CAN YOU THROW ME A TAMPON?”
I am inordinately fond of “skipping through a field of wildflowers in soft focus”; but I wonder if the child would get it; they don’t make cheesy maxipad commercials like that anymore. More’s the pity.
I just thought of another one! “Able to square dance” - there’s an old public health film from the 50s about menstruation, where the scary girl’s gym teacher makes a point of advising her pre-pubescent charges that even when they’re ragging, they can still square dance. Because that’s exactly what every young lady wants to do when she’s bloated and crampy.
Marli Jr. You use whatever you is most comfortale for you. Don’t care what your mom says, don’t care what your best friend says, you do what is right for you.
