Evelyn Wood Speed Reading & other commercials long gone

Remember those early commericals promising faster reading ?

In these days of constant porn & hit the monkey, it’s so nostalgic.

I vaguely remember some math commerical that was the Japanese (or asian) way of counting and getting better math scores. It turns out it was essentially learning how to count on your knuckles or something. What was that?

Any one, Bueller?
List your favorite Lost Forever commercials.

Finger math or Chisenbop?

Yeah, it looks like that. It seems familiar.

Mr. Microphone - “Hey, good lookin’, we’ll be back to pick you up later!”

They probably still sell Mr. Microphone in discount stores somewhere.

Lite-Brite. I miss the Lite-Brite commercials with their deformed Transformer and heroic G.I. Joe.

Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do. This group, whose name I have forgotten, probably still advertises, but still, anyone who has watched television probably recalls being able to get your diploma or your degree right at home. You can learn High School, TV/VCR repair, or get your degree. You can major in business management or accounting.

They aren’t “long gone”. I saw their commercials at least twice last week.

As for my contribution: I seem to remember a whole lot of kid-orientated products from the late 1980’s-early 1990’s which do not seem to advertise anymore, such as the Charms Blow-Pop.

For some ungodly reason, I miss in (semi-chronological order):[ul][li] Jerry - the JGE Appliance Store spokesman who sold to Union members only. So what’s the story Jerry? Daaat’s da story.[]The fat guy in the green tights & fig suit singing the Fig Newton theme song on leg. "Ewwy, chewy, rich & gooey inside. Golden flakey, tender bakey outside. You put yadda in the yadda & You’re god-darn tootin’ - it’s the big Fig Newton. (Here’s the tricky part) The big Fig Newton.[]The animated, psychedelic, Levis commercials. Lee-ee-ee-ee-vi’s hah-hah Lee-ee-ee-ee-ee-vi’s.[]Tom Carvel. His ice cream commercials & cake shapes were so kitsch, they were good.[]“Share the fantasy” Chanel No. 5. They were so artistically appealing.[]I still find myself whistling the ‘Old Spice’ theme every once in a while[]Just about anything by British Airways[/ul][/li]Speaking of Brits, I keep and play this VW commercial from the UK at least once a month. There’s something so upbeat about it.

Joe Isuszu The 1980 Isuszu can go 200 miles an hour (He’s lying)

the exact wording escapes me now it * has* been 25 years

How about the ads for GRIT in the backs of comic books? Kids, earn your own money! Did anyone ever buy GRIT? What was in GRIT? Do you still have GRIT? Was it True Grit?

This will only resonate with Dopers who lived in the Washington DC metro area, but there used to be a chain of martial arts studios run by Jhoon Rhee, and his tag line was “Nobody bothers me!” Except, with his accent, it always came out as “Nobody boda me!” His young son then said, “Nobody bode me, eeder!” and winked at the camera.

“Call Jhonn Rhee at USA-1000 - RIGHT NOW!”

I recall that someone, in fact, did bother Jhoon Rhee. He was shot by a burglar.

It appears GRIT is still around, on the net, even. I had forgotten about them, a buddy of mine was a GRIT delivery boy back in grade school, but I couldn’t really remember much about it. He had a route, like a paper route, and it seems like it was in newspaper format, but don’t hold me to that.

[QUOTE=JohnBckWLD]
[li]The fat guy in the green tights & fig suit singing the Fig Newton theme song on leg. "Ewwy, chewy, rich & gooey inside. Golden flakey, tender bakey outside. You put yadda in the yadda & You’re god-darn tootin’ - it’s the big Fig Newton. (Here’s the tricky part) The big Fig Newton.[/li][/QUOTE]

Ooey, gooey, rich and chewy inside
Golden cakey, tender flakey outside
Wrap the inside in the outside
It’s good, darn-tootin
It’s the big Fig Newton
“Atsa spicy meatball” - Alka Seltzer

I remember the Cheech and Chong parody of the Evelyn Wood speed reading course…

Cigarette commercials. I bet lots of Dopers are too young to have ever seen a cigarette commercial on TV.

“I can’t believe I ate the whoooole thing” Alka Seltzer commercial.

“A little dab’ll do ya!” Brylcreme…

“It’s 2! 2! 2 Mints in one!” Certs, with Retsin
Man, I feel old…

Super Elastic Bubble Plastic

Chuck Wagon dog food…with the little wagon being chased by sundry dogs

“We are the Freakies, We are the Freakies … we never miss a meal, 'cuz we love our ce-re-eal”

In Seattle there was this Chevrolet dealer, Dick Balsch (I think) who’d smash brand new cars with a sledgehammer. Not exactly sure why he did that, I was a little kid at the time and only remember thinking “cool! That dude just smashed a car with a sledgehammer!”

And then the Imperial Margarine ads where people would bite, like, their toast and a big old crown would materialize on their heads. That was kinda cool. Made me want to get my mom to buy it.