Ever been a farting contest?

Has there ever been a farting contest anywhere? If there has, tow things,

1.) What was the longest fart?

2.) What was the loudest fart?

I think Howard Stern did this once. My mother sometimes called me a farthead, but that was many years ago.


I like to think of life as a farting contest. If so, I’d seed myself in the top 10.

Occasionally, after many, many beers, my friend and I will wind up doing this. Generally the first one is unintentional, but interpreted as a kind of challenge.

We generally don’t have enough, erm, ammo to really carry it more than a couple of rounds. So far, I’ve been relatively undefeated, with my friend giving up and running in the other room in disgust when I try to squeeze out one last entry, but have it wind up sounding like a sickening gurgling noise instead of a more conventional-sounding poot.

You should see my trophy.

You should smell mine.

Contest? It was more of a grudge match as I recall.

I consider it my civic duty to pass on the knowledge I gained.

There is no winner in a farting grudge match.

  • Broccoli
  • Cabbage
  • Bananas
  • Dried Apricots
  • Lima Beans with ham
  • Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (or other krausened ales), in bottles, lots…

If I go to bed after drinking a sixpack of Sierra Nevada, I wake up the following morning with enough gas in my bowels to blow an entire stanza of reville on the butt trumpet… That stuff’s amazing.

I highly recommend it.

It is my dream to be a farting contest.

Just flush it and stop bragging already.

Giraffe’s just nervous, 'cause he doesn’t want to drop his sandwich in the bowl!!!


Didn’t you volunteer for the next challenge? I seem to remember you volunteering…


I saw you as the last reply, and had a brief, fleeting memory…

:: shudder ::

:: runs to flush away the evidence ::