The Bar-B-Que Fart

Nasty. Just nasty.

Just wanted to share. Ahem.

::lights match::

…oh god…

::lights another match::


::ignites entire box::

Dayum, man.

::punctures hole in can of Airwick::

::nose-tokes can::


Thanks for sharing, both of you.

Not if it’s Eastern Carolina Q. You obviously have been blasted by some inferior Q.

That would almost be a pleasure compared to the overdosed-on-spiced-deviled-eggs-that-turned-out-to-be-bad gastrodisaster. Just ask Mr. Silver1. BLECH!

You both have nothing on a “garlic fart”:

  1. Take an entire bulb of garlic, and place on the top shelf of your grill.
  2. Grill bulb until done–usually 20 minutes or so.
  3. Peel off cloves of garlic, and consume happily. (It is quite tasty!)
  4. Begin to emanate flatulence at random, inoppurtune times.

O garlic! Thou art so tasty, yet so vile on the next morn.

I quoth Shakespeare, yo.

Bullshit. I just farted again and the TV Anchorwoman gagged.

Oh Sir, I beg to differ. I have true talent to rival and overcome you: my office chair happens to be near the return air grille for the building HVAC.

Dare I count how many times I’ve heard a Colonel say, “I called CE about the HVAC system. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with it. It must be a dead squirrel up there. . .”

Yes, a Colonel. :smiley:

I just farted again and Homeland Security evacuated my town.


The deadliest farts known to Man are home-brew farts. Active yeast has a way of feeding on stuff in your colon that otherwise would pass through, generating humungous amounts of CO[sub]2[/sub] loaded with ketones. I personally witnessed a friend **clear the intersection ** of Fremont and Main on a windy night in Las Vegas. When people across the street start gagging, you know you’ve hit the Big Time, fart-wise.

Sorry, but baked beans and onions seem to work like a charm for me (and my man!).

My husband has a knack for saving them until we are in the car, then he locks the windows on me - dutch oven anyone?

Nothing is more potent than omelettes. We were six divers preparing to return home from a trip, and somehow we had managed to buy more eggs than planned. So we had a omelette fest for breakfast. I didn’t take many minutes after we had packed the car and left, before a green odorous fog flooded the car. When we arrived at the ferry, this green odorous fog claimed the ship. It was so dense we couldn’t even see land when we drove off the ferry. The rest of the trip home was like a green blur, and I remember I was still gasping a week later. Lucky for us it was a rented car, it was originally a red van, but when we returned it, even the paint had turned into a ghastly green. So heed this warning, go easy on the omelettes.

Mr.ILovCoffee says-

My husband worked in a medical furnishings manufactorer, “I saw a coworker stand behind a large ventilation fan, let rip and cleared a 8,000 sq ft production floor in two minutes of 300+ employees.”

I humbly bow to that awesome fartistry. Hopefully this kind soul did it right around 4:00 pm on Friday and gave everyone an early start on the weekend! :smiley:

“Hey Joe, I gotta hot date tonight. Can you load up on beans and eggs at lunch and let 'er rip in front of the fan at 4:30?”

After a night of debauchery including beer, eggs and god knows what else, I not only caused the driver of the troop truck to pull over, but everyone in the back jumped out immediately. We all stood around staring at the truck and saying things like “Damn, man, good hang time!” Ah, yoot.

Beer + seared meat + devilled eggs + potato salad + cucumber salad + chips & salsa + cold cuts + beer (repeat for approximately 7 hours) = it smells like a sick skunk crawled up another skunks ass and died, then that second crawled up my ass and died.

Leftovers today. :slight_smile: I started the day with a fried egg, ham and cheese on a multigrain bagle. Roast beef sandwich with potato salad and spinach pasta salad for lunch. We’ll have cold seared meat for picnic dinner at the lighthouse tonight.

I’m doing this because my gastro-intestinal system is evil and must be punished.

One of the perks of working in a nursing home. I fart with impunity.

Smitty at least you have the decency to admit your foul odorness and not yell “damn dog!” :smiley:

I was at a pool party yesterday. I was in the pool talking with a friend when bubbles started comin’ up all around her. I said, “nice pool fart!” Others heard me say it so thus began a pool fart contest to see who could make the most bubbles. What? It’s a perfectly normal pool game.

Usually, I blame my (4-year-old) daughter. It’s almost guaranteed to get a giggle. If she’s not around, I’ll blame the boy. He’s not yet two, and doesn’t quite have to vocabulary to deny it. He just gives me dirty looks.

Bah, I deride your stinky fart making abilities.
I must say I have hit the big leagues with Barbecue, home brew onion, garlic and deviled eggs.

But the true gastro-intestinal motherload is reptile meat, at least for me. Something about Rattlesnake, crocodile, aligator etc. create a stench worthy of a greek epic tragedy. After stopping at a croc ranch for some dinner and camping for the night at Moab on a cool windless night we heard comments from 75 yards away in all directions. And I don’t think that was the max extent of the emanations, but simply the farthest conversations we could hear clearly.