I think I hit the trifecta the other day. I was at our local supermarket/unique food mart and picked up some gyoza (potstickers) half a dozen deviled eggs, and a sixer of Golden Monkey beer. When the Monkey ran out, I turned to the ultra cheap malt liquor in the fridge.
I farted the next day and almost had convulsions. I contemplated hitting a tree in the ditch just to make it stop burning my eyes. Had I sharted, I probably would have had to torch the car.
Oh, sure, sure…you can all find something to increase the noxiousness of your flatulence, but what you lack is volume.
First, imbibe or ingest your favorite evil-producing item, then pound down a half dozen or so White Castle hamburgers.
The amount of gas produced is incredible. Your rectum becomes a wind tunnel. And, if you clench your sphincter long enough to build up some decent pressure, I’m sure you could fart the alphabet.
So, don’t just do a one cheek sneak before befouling the general area. Instead, bend slightly at the waist, yell something like, “Alert Condition Brown!”, and blast one off like the Guns of Navarone.
For maximum effect, bring along an iPod, some reasonably effective portable speakers, and queue up the 1812 Overture just beforehand.