Reliable Recipes for Flatulent Fun

Here’s mine:

3 slices of pizza
2 bottles of beer
1 pint of ice cream

The above concoction resulted in my longest ever single blast; 12 seconds.

“My hovercraft is full of eels.”

Any thing with garlic in it’s gonna get me.

I just discovered that Burger King’s onion rings will cause me to produce some truly spooky farts.

So foul, even I can’t stand them.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

Confession time- I’m not even allowed to eat this if my husband is IN TOWN! I have to wait until he goes on a trip.
TGIFridays black bean soup. It is heavenly tasting- hot and spicy and YUMMY! But, look out. Get home quick, and be alone. Trust me. You’ll hate yourself after an hour or so.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

Sliders (those little White Castle hamburgers for the uninitiated). They create the airy, voluminous, “phoooooof” type of fart.
Don’t eat 'em for breakfast unless you work alone.

A pound and a half of chocolate covered rasins.

Any quantity of Hormel Chili.

My college roomate would not let me eat either of those, as it would drive him out of the room. Didn’t bother me, though. Well, there was that one time with the runs…


I can think of no more stirring symbol of man’s humanity to man than a fire engine - Kurt Vonnegut

Cabbages are the amps.
Beans are the volts.

IMHO I make a chilli that will not only give you the loudest, longest, most stinky farts on the planet but it will do it in about an hour. Yes, in about an hour. Just like the eyeglasses! Hell, they are so strong you may need NEW eyeglasses after a bowl of this stuff!


I eat just about everything that will cause distress to anyone around me. One of my addictions is jalepeno and pineapple pizza, but one must be careful to avoid a hideous case of red eye, IYKWIM.
I love garlic, tons of it, and I found that when coupled with anything remotely legume-like, the disturbance will follow you anywhere. You can’t just float one and leave it there. EVERYONE KNOWS IT’S YOU. I was giving my SO a ride in the middle of a cold Chicago January and thought I left one outside the car. Suffice it to say we were quite content to let the windows remain open.

“It’s not the smell, it’s the burning of my eyes!” - George Carlin

spicy food

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

Dehydrated backpacking food. Nothing worse than being confined in a mummy bag with flatus that makes Sarin smell like Chanel #5.


“Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it.” --Andre Gide

Grapes & raw broccoli. Head for the hills.

I don’t know what it was this week, but every single one of us goats had gas so bad it was unbearable. We lived together for a week, bathed infrequently, and we had such bad gas. Every 2 minutes, SOMEONE was breaking ass. And I was keeping up with them. It was horrible. Not little squeaks, huge blasts of rank, foul air. One time, we were in line, and I squeezed out a silent one, and a few seconds later, every one was gagging, yes, actually gagging, while I was squelching a laugh. Oooh that one was BAD. To get back to the point, though, we stunk to hell.


We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first “lost generation” nor today’s lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak.

I don’t know, beans never really did anything impressive for me. What does:

Pizza, eaten as quickly as posible
Root beer

If I want everyone to leave the room in a hurry…

God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
Neitzsche is God. -Dead

upon further review, I must also nominate the Country Baked Beans I made today for a family dinner (which were so damned good I couldn’t believe it). Oh, this house may go into orbit tonight :slight_smile:

Gooooo Dolphins!!

A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

Just had to forward this, in the spirit of clever hijacking:

The Society of Combustible Flatus


“Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it.” --Andre Gide

How bad do you want the smell to be ?

If you wish to torture some poor soul, may I suggest a diet of ;

Boiled Eggs


Start with deviled eggs as the appetizer.
A large pot of pinto beans with some spicey sausages sliced in it, cabbage, fresh sliced onions, and buttermilk to drink.

You won’t make many friends.

Ayesha - Lioness

You sound reasonable. Must be time to up my medication.

My jaws hurt from laughing so hard.

Doug, that line was priceless.

Wow, I’m surprised no one posted a reference to The Official Farts Home Page

Waffle House grits always get me fired up. My wife won’t let me eat them, and she always know when I do. :slight_smile:

What gives my wife gas? Well, we’ve been married 17 years, and I’ve never even seen her “potty”. Geez, I’m not even sure if she has a butthole!



Anything with black beans gets me. May I suggest that you guys get some Beano.


Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter