I have identified as Pagan for many years. Up until last year, I was very active in the Pagan community. After getting married, my mentor – let’s call her K. - and I grew apart. I felt awkward attending community events without her, so I stopped going.
I miss the spiritual and social aspects of the Pagan gatherings, but I don’t feel as connected as I used to.
Have any of you Dopers drifted away from your faith? What became of it?
Thanks.
I drifted away from Catholicism quite some time ago. It was a combination of several factors which make for a long story, but the upshot of it was that I never quite renewed my faith. I dabbled a bit in Paganism for awhile, but the lack of any kind of Pagan community in Seoul made it difficult for me to develop my interest into an actual faith. I suppose I still vaguely identify as Catholic, but I no longer am sure of myself a Catholic spiritually.
What became of it? Well, nothing. I haven’t been to Mass in half a year, and while my spirituality is something that I still think about, I haven’t really had time to reflect upon where I am in my life in terms of it. I suppose I’ll have to confront it one day, but it’s not my top priority just yet.
I’m Christian, grew up in a United Methodist Church and have attended a variety of other churches over the years. I attend church each Sunday, but am not (at present) involved in any Bible Studies, prayer groups, or individual “Quiet Time” (time spend with Bible, maybe a study book, a journal and God).
I feel a little detached. I need to get back in the habit of reading my Bible regularly, praying regularly, and maybe even ought to think about getting involved with some sort of a small group. But I just don’t wanna.
At times in my life when I was more involved, Bible reading and praying were more a part of my life, higher priorities, etc. Self-reinforcing. And it’s self-reinforcing in the other direction, too.
Hasn’t affected my beliefs, or convictions a whole lot, but I do fee a little distanced from my spirituality.
The loss of my faith hurts like hell, but I can’t quite bring myself to re-affirm it.
I was evangelical Church of England, but at uni I was turned off by the actions of the people I met in Christian Unions, and I found I couldn’t accept some of the anti-science dogma we were told to swallow.
I really miss the certainty and comfort of a strong faith, and if I could click a switch and remove my doubts I would do so in a heartbeat - in this case I would prefer to be a “satsifed pig” rather than “dissatisfied Socrates”.
Intellectually I know it’s cowardice, but I don’t care.
As it is, I feel lost at the moment and am not yet sure where I will turn.
I went to church with my family for about 10 years.
(Church of England, Congregational sect.)
I studied the Bible and even won the Religious Knowledge prize at School.
When I was 15, I asked my Sunday School teacher if there was any proof that God existed. He was an honest chap, whom I trusted.
He said there was no proof of God, but that it was a matter of personal faith.
Since I had no personal message from God, I left the Church.
I’m very happy with the Golden Rule (“do unto others as you would have them do unto you”). But I don’t see a lot of wisdom in the Bible and am managing fine without it.
I faced a crisis recently when both my elderly parents died within a month.
Fortunately my mother had already planned her funeral with a humanist preacher and songs, rather than hymns, and we used the format for Dad as well.
I took great comfort from celebrating my parent’s lives, with speakers who knew them, rather than some church service with the theme ‘ashes to ashes, dust to dust’.
We finished each service with appropriate music: ‘When the Saints go marching in’ for Mum and ‘Moonlight Serenade’ for Dad (he loved Glenn Miller!).
I’m happy about my life. 
I grew up in a Lutheran church. Went to sunday school, church every weekend, confirmation classes and all that jazz. When I was a kid church was a fun social thing. I liked the kids from church and we had a nice time together.
I grew distanced the minute “Lutherans for Life” started being a prominent mission in our church around the time I was 18. It had never occurred to me before that the church had a “political stance” such as anti-abortion. Being pro-choice, I couldn’t deal with it.
I noticed at the same time that all my friends (people my age) were gone. Everyone in the church was either a kid or a middle-aged parent or a senior. The social aspect of it was completely gone for me, and I didn’t agree with pro-life so I stopped attending regularly.
I did get a tattoo around the time I stopped going to church. A tattoo of a cross, which means to me that Jesus is always with me. That was all I needed to keep my spirituality without going to church. I decided that my religion was between me and God not between me and the church.
I also grew to realize that homosexuality, stem cell research, evolution, et al. were “church” matters. Before, those things weren’t related to church but when I became an adult and poked my head out into the world I realized it was. Thankfully, as far as I knew, they weren’t part of MY church but the stigma of being a part of this “herd” was still there.
Last summer I did something wonderful, though. Our church (the one where I grew up) was building a whole new wing. The only way to get the wing built was to do it ourselves. So I went in and helped build the church, 8 hours a day on the weekends, summer, fall and winter. It took forever. It was hard work. I was the only person my age there (everyone else was 50+). Most of the people helping didn’t know me even though I’d been a member longer than them. But I love the “church” itself. I was doing the most spiritual thing I could do - not evangelizing, not going on a mission, not giving money, not praying or anything else. Just giving what I could give - my time and energy - to the actual community that helped raise me.
It was a good thing. I still feel greatly distanced, especially when I see “Christian” topics in the media such as those I mentioned above. I can’t believe I am supposedly of the same faith as Fred Phelps and Jack Chick. That’s the sort of stuff that messes with your mind.
But I’m still tight with God. We’re just…distant.
I was raised Catholic. When I was younger, I went to Mass every week and I enjoyed it. The priest was friendly and charismatic, and his sermons always left me feeling good inside. It was all about how God was loving and forgiving and just wanted you to go out there and be the same way. I would leave every Sunday feeling lifted and happy.
Then we got a new priest, soon after my Confirmation. A sad, bitter man. Suddenly God was someone who punished you for sins. Everything was about repentance and cleansing yourself of all the evil you had inside, because we were all bad bad people at heart and needed to beg God’s forgiveness. I just couldn’t go to church anymore, because it left me drained and sad. Suddenly I was seeing all the evil in the world instead of all the good things.
And about the time I stopped caring about church, I was growing up and learning more about sex and sexuality and things like that, and realizing that the church didn’t seem to agree with me on what was acceptable. I liked sex and was going to be doing plenty of it, and I certainly didn’t want any babies at that age. And if I did get pregnant, I figured I should have the choice about whether or not to stay pregnant. But the Church was against me on all counts. I had a gay friend - and the church was saying that there was something wrong with him, because of who he was attracted to? The disconnect between my reality and the Catholic Church’s reality sort of discouraged me from going back and trying again.
So, as it stands now, I still believe in lots of the basics, and I still pray (I have a Saint Anthony medal in my wallet, even), but the “Church” and I don’t see eye-to-eye on a few matters. I haven’t been to Mass in years, but I still feel the pull when I pass by a church, and sometimes I go in to pray or light a candle on my own. Maybe someday it will come back to me, but for now my spirituality is a personal thing. I miss church sometimes - especially the happy feeling I used to leave with - but I don’t feel right when I’m “going through the motions”, trying to get the feeling back. I will try again, but not for a bit.
About 3 years ago, my mentor and I had…not a blowout, but a chilling of ways. She was also my boss, my teacher and the mother of my kid’s best friend. *And *the head of our religious order.
That was a whole lot to lose at once: church, career, schooling, social. The only thing I had left was my husband and a few friends who stuck by me. And then I got pregnant. :eek: A few of us still gather casually to mark the Sabbats, but the strong, dynamic magickal community is pretty much over with.
What do I do? I work sort of half-heartedly on my own. I’ve found another, not pagan, order that I initiated with and am doing some work there. They’re good folks, but strictly Golden Dawn, which is beautiful and nice and very, very cerebral. No ecstasy there, which I miss a lot (Ecstasy the mental state, not the drug.)
I like your wording a lot - I haven’t “lost my faith” or “strayed from my path”, I just feel…distanced from my spirituality. So what do I do? I wait. It will come back when the right people are brought into my life at the right time. I focus on my family and those few friends who have proved themselves. Most of all, I remember to love Her/Him/It, and know that it doesn’t matter whether He/She/It is “real” or abstract or internal or external or psychological or supernatural. It is what it is, and It will reveal Itself to me as it has in the past - on Its own timetable.
I also remind myself that the year is just coming out of the Dark. I’ve spent 4 months down with Persephone in the underworld, bringing my focus inward, and it’s time to stick my head out and see what’s been happening. So maybe I’ll take a leap and do a pagan Equinox as well as my GD one.
When I was 17 I drifted away from Christianity permanently. I only miss it when my anxiety disorder acts up and magical thinking kicks in.
When I was 19 I became a Buddhist. I harbor a fear of becoming too dependent on my faith or using it as a ‘‘crutch.’’ I’ve called myself a Buddhist this entire 5 years, but my practice has been sporadic, there have been long stretches of time where I feel far away from any sense of spirituality.
Christmas was kind of a ‘‘revival’’ for me – I built my first altar and started meditation again. The month of February I’ve been too busy and stressed to notice the altar exists. My goal, this week, is to get back to it.
The question is whether you feel all right where you are, or whether you feel a sense of loss for not having the Pagan tradition there. If you feel good, if you feel fine, it’s not troublesome. But if you feel hurt or loss, then maybe you owe yourself the time and effort to get back on the wagon.
When I built that altar during Christmas break I felt like the prodigal daughter coming home. There is no question to me that this force enhances my life and makes me stronger and more compassionate the closer I am willing to stay with it. But that doesn’t have to be the story for everyone–doesn’t even have to be my story forever. It’s all about right now.
My mother lefts the Mormons right around the time she got married. My Dad left the Christian Scientists a little earlier than that.
I was raised a staunch atheist. In high school, I had a spritual awakening and became a non-demoninational born-again Christian. I got over it two years later after about 4 months of college.
I now self-describe, when asked, as a dead-again agnostic. There is much that is unknown, but not necessarily unknowable.
Over time, I have come to disregard spirituality as just so much excuse for self-importance. Most religious dogma I have studied seems to boil down to a set of rules by which we can pretend that if there’s an afterlife, people we don’t like won’t be there. I no more believe I have a soul than I believe my car has one when it starts and stops.
The death of my sister three years ago made me realize that all that is left of her are the memories we carry of her, the version of her that exists inside the heads of those of us who came into contact with her.
That, to me, is therefore the only morality: The way you treat people and the world around you in this life is all that there will be of you when you are gone.
Like you, I don’t feel like I’ve lost my faith. More like I’ve lost my place. Some members of the local community don’t like me: I work as a science reseracher and kill animals for a living. (My philosphy is that we worship the cycle of the year in a way that emulates our agricultural ancestors. They raised animals to benefit their people. I raise animals to benefit others. Instead of meat and milk, I provide information. Not everyone likes it, but it works for me.)
Wow, working with Persephone is difficult. Durga once showed up when I was at a drawing down a few years back. Never been to one since, it scared me so bad. (Actually, she shows up a lot. One of these days I’ll sit down and figure out why.)
I adore Persephone, actually. The first magickal name given to me was Kore, another of Her names. She has a lot of really important things to teach survivors of rape. A lot about turning that around and taking your own power back and becoming Queen of your world - even if it’s not the world you would have chosen for yourself if anyone had just consulted you about it! 
Remember that even if we’re not actively working with Anyone or any mythos or cycle, we still feel and live in the rhythms of the earth. Some of us less so than others, of course, but even secular Americans, by virtue of holidays like Thanksgiving, find that the Dark of the year (Nov-Feb) is a time when they schlub around the house more, spend more time with family, stay home to make sure the furnace doesn’t go out and the walk is shoveled. (Not living in the south, I admit my personal experience doesn’t extend to warm weather all year, so I can’t speak to the cycle there.) On a purely physical level, most of us gain 10 pounds or something, and it’s not because we’re out there expanding our horizons! No, summer is the time for travel, for outdoor work, for visiting a neighbor and sharing a cup of lemonade, for running through sprinklers. For expansion and outside-of-yourself interests. Winter is internal, yin time. Summer is external, yang time.
So even though you may not be praying to or experiencing Persephone consciously, you’ve still been walking in her footsteps. It’s part of why it’s been so tough finding a job, I bet. Things always look greener in the spring.
And I totally get what you’re saying about the lab animals. Makes sense to me.
It’s happened to me several times. I think I was raised Baptist, not really sure… Some kind of semi-christian thing, anyway. Losing that fairly weak faith was just a matter of reading the bible once, so that doesn’t count.
My paganism, tho… I’ve tried several groups (wiccan, druid, generic “trad”) over the years, seems that either I mature whilst they do not, or they get locked into a rigid hierarchy that I personally find repellent in any religion. Maybe things have changed in the past 22 years, but I somehow doubt it. I’m a loner anyway, so I don’t really miss the group thing most of the time. I’ve a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids, I’m just not interested in playing the games that groups seem to revel in.
Just curious, how long have you been practicing? In my tradition, there comes a time when you should grow away from your teacher and strike out on your own for a while. You should have learned how to learn, now it’s time to go learn.
I think, having come into my spirituality a bit late (raised Lutheran, dabbled into everything and the some before finding my own path) I’m actually more secure now than I was previously. I have not found any group that I have a lot in common with, so I’ve sort of resigned myself to being a solitary practitioner, which, since I really do believe one’s spirituality is almost totally a personal thing, isn’t that big a deal for me. That said, it’s been gratifying for me to find others who are practicing Pagans of whatever stripe, just to be able to compare notes on experiences and traditions.
My what?
I’ve been practicing for about six years. Moving away from my mentor and striking out on my own has crossed my mind. (Finishing long-term projects is not my strong suite: I’ve been workin on my BS off and on for 11 years.) I got my first degree with her and now I feel like learning something new. What, I have no idea.
Oh, honey, you’re going to have a baby! You will be learning a bazillion new things every day, and connecting with your spirituality/the universe/Motherhood/everything in a gazillion ways, large and small.
I’m not saying that this is just because you’re a crazy hormonal pregnant woman, I’m saying that being a crazy hormonal pregnant woman is not necessarily a bad thing. 
You’re on a journey (it’s called life), and have reached a crossroads. Maybe your hormones inspired it, maybe not. Whether you choose left, right or straight ahead, there will be lessons, questions, joys and pains. Left, right or straight ahead, the journey is what it is. Try to embrace it, and realize that what your feeling is a part of the journey.
Sheesh – am I babbling again, or did that actually make sense to you? I meant it to be comforting, in “you’ll be just fine, this is part of being spiritual” sort of way.
Thanks. You have a lot of good points. I have a bad case of crazy hormonal pregnant woman. Usually, I try to control my emotions and express them carefully, but recently they’ve been like a bar of wet soap - just slipping out all over the place.
Right now I feel tired, sick, fat and greasy. Not in the mood to met with friends and discuss the next step in life. Hell, Mouse_Spouse has commented on my introverted behavior and he’s shy!
They got Unitarian Universalists in the U.K.? If so, check them out. Their strong accent, ney, insistence on tolerance and reason may help sooth your spiritual loss.
Thank you, I will ask around and see if we have any groups nearby.