Do you hide your faith? or your atheism? your "lapsed-ness"?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspired by the church attendance thread…

There was a couple mentions in that thread of very lapsed catholics or closeted atheism. I’m wondering how many of you feel the need to hide your faith or, conversely, your atheism.

For you that are claiming to be “lapsed”, is this just a euphemism for hidden unbelief or just that you don’t practice your faith in a group anymore? Is there a reason you don’t practice it despite your belief?

I’ve got a coworker who claims to be catholic but readily admits to not attending church anymore and admits that he really doesn’t believe in some of the basic tenants of catholicism anymore, the things, that to me, differentiate between catholicism and most mainstream protestant belief systems. Still, for his upcoming wedding, he wants to be married in a catholic church and have his divorced, to-be-wife go through the whole annulment thing (though in the event of problems with the annulment, he’s willing to have a civil ceremony). So for this non-attending, I-don’t-actually-believe-in-the-catholic-part catholic, he’s insisting on a catholic ceremony or a non-religious one. A protestant ceremony is not an option.

I think he’s confused - I know I am.

If you’re an atheist, why not just tell people? Do you fear evangelical backlash?

Frankly, as a computer admin, the land of logical Spock-like coworkers, I feel the need to downplay my faith to avoid the inevitable eye-rolling. However, when I talk about my personal life, I say “I went to church” if I went to church. I don’t offer it without reason but I don’t go through any sort of verbal acrobatics to avoid it either.

I’m rambling but I’ll leave it rambled.

Simply asked: If you avoid discussing your faith (or lack of it), why? Is this avoidance context based (ie: hidden only from you family)?

2

Why would I discuss my lack of faith with anyone? It seems to me that belief in or lack of belief in some religious credo should be a private thing. It annoys the heck out of me when anyone wears their religion or lack of it on their sleeves.

3

I discuss my atheism readily if it’s relevant and can probably be accused of wearing it as a badge but some people know me for months before they ever discover it.

4

I never discuss it because it’s private, and not really anybody’s business but mine. No one knows what my beliefs (or lack thereof) are except for my wife.

P.S.: The word you want is not “tenants,” but tenets.

5

I avoid discussing my faith because when people think of “Christians” these days they think of fundamentalists, evangelicals or other crazies, because they’re the most vocal.

I don’t want to be associated with those people, because I’m not “that kind” of Christian.

My faith is very personal, and I don’t feel the need to share it. I also don’t like to argue about it. I do not have an answer for people who say “how can you BELIEVE that crap?!” Sometimes I wonder myself, and it’s easier just not to think about it.

As for going to church…I stopped because I started to feel that I didn’t need any schedule or any group to practice my faith. I’ve got Jesus in my heart and I’ve got my 13 years of church learnin’ in my head and that’s all I need to get through the day.

6

I neither hide nor flaunt my atheism. It’s not something I’m ashamed of and so I won’t hide it, but it’s doesn’t mean anything to me either. It’s just the way it is.

I will refrain from mentioning my atheism if I’m concerned about causing a theist embarrassment or discomfort unless it becomes directly relevant or it would be deceptive to leave it unmentioned. However, I will not tolerate prosetylising and if it starts I will shut down the conversation as quickly as possible, even if it means being (somewhat) rude.

When I avoid it, it’s to avoid causing anyone else embarrassment, not myself. I’m not embarrassed about my lack of belief, but I know it can make religious people uncomfortable so I think it’s far more polite to leave it unsaid unless it becomes deceitful to continue to say nothing.

7

I’ll discuss my atheism with close friends and some family, but only if there’s a real reason to, and if I know that an argument won’t break out. I don’t feel a need to advertise it to, say, coworkers or clerks. What would be the point?

8

I hide it from some people, but not others. I also go to church with my family, so most people assume I’m Christian, even though I haven’t converted to Catholicism. I don’t discuss it at work, because I don’t know much about the beliefs of the other people here. There are also some people I know who would be compelled to have tedious discussions with me about the state of my soul, too, which I would rather avoid.

9

I don’t hide it by any means, but I don’t bring it up out of the blue either.

I try to avoid talking about the specifics of my religion (Roman Catholic) with certain people I know because they don’t think Catholics are “real Christians” for a variety of reasons.

10

I’m in a rather unusual situation- I’m Jewish, my parents and extended family are Protestant (I converted as an adult), my sister and only sibling is “spiritual but not religious”, married to a Catholic man, and raising her kids Catholic.

When I was growing up, my mom insisted that we go to church, and we said grace before meals, but we never, ever, discussed religion within our family- it was almost as taboo a topic as sex. I don’t discuss religion with my parents. I’ve never told them that I didn’t just convert to Judaism to keep Mr. Neville’s family happy (I actually found Judaism quite attractive on its own). The only discussions of religion I have with them have to do with things like what foods are kosher (when we’re eating together) and when Jewish holidays or Easter fall this year. I don’t really discuss religion with co-workers beyond that level, either.

I’m generally happy to discuss religion, but I don’t generally bring it up, because it was a taboo topic when I was growing up.

One of the things I love about the Dope is that there’s no taboo on discussing religion here. It’s also easier to ignore the “why do you believe that crap?” type of responses or the tedious discussions about the state of my soul and focus on the thoughtful responses than it is in person.

And then there are those people. I never did tell my grandmother (who died recently) that I had converted to Judaism, because I’m quite sure the result would have been just such a tedious discussion.

Belrix, your co-worker may be what I’d call “culturally Catholic”, sort of like a lot of American Jews are culturally Jewish. They don’t go to synagogue or keep kosher, but they might celebrate Jewish holidays, and they probably want to get married in a synagogue rather than a church and have a bar or bat mitzvah for their kids. It’s a cultural thing, not a religious thing. In your co-worker’s case, it may also be a keeping-the-family-happy thing. Family members who are just fine with a child’s not practicing their religion on a daily or weekly basis have been known to get quite upset at the prospect of their getting married outside that religion, or not having their kids baptized (or whatever)…

11

Coworkers. Hmm. I have no idea what faith anyone here is, because it’s a topic that never comes up. I know that one woman is Catholic, because she talked about having to go to counselling with her fiance, another goes to church because she talks about the people she knows and how she knows them, and another is JW because she doesn’t celebrate holidays and birthdays. About everyone else, I have no clue.

Nobody here ever asks what my religion is or if I’ve been saved.

My boss correctly assumes that I’m not a creationist, and I suspect that he’s an atheist, but aside from having some interesting conversations about evolution, we’ve never talked about it.

12

I was raised an atheist. Most of my family and most of my friends are atheists. When I became a Christian, I soon realized that if I wanted to enjoy the company of my family and friends, I’d have to hide my light under a bushel much of the time. Same goes for the SDMB. While I have occasionally mentioned my faith, for every time I mentioned it, there were a hundred times when I thought about posting something and didn’t.

Ironically, when I was an atheist, I worked around a group of Christians, so I mostly kept a lid on my views then, too.

13

That brings up an interesting point. My ex and I certainly discussed religion, often on very deep levels. But we made it a point to always respect each others’ opinions, and not get into arguments over it.

When her mother died, I made it a point not to let the idea of atheism come up at all. She really needed to believe that her mother was in Heaven. She did not deal with her loss well at all. The most compassionate thing I could have done was to believe right along with her. In fact, for about a year, I desperately wanted to believe.

14

I don’t diss religion with people whose faith I don’t know.

But that said, it’s really not an issue in the UK - so few people are religious, and those who are rarely bring it up. Though my parents are Anglican and attend church regularly, out of all my many friends, only one Muslim and one Catholic attend a mosque/church. And if anyone asks me what I do or don’t believe, I am quite happy to tell them - because nine times out of ten, they will share my lack of faith.

The only public display of my atheism comes from when I was driving down the street and saw a fish symbol on the back of a car, followed immediately by a car with a Flying Spaghetti Monster symbol, which I’d never seen before. I laughed so hard that I went and bought one.

15

I don’t really talk a whole lot about my faith (animist with Norse cultural leanings), but when I was a Lutheran, I didn’t really chat with people about my faith outside of church gatherings. It’s not a need to hide it, but really that I think it’s completely socially inappropriate to chat about one’s faith in most situations; work is one of those places for me where it’s especially taboo to talk about one’s faith (well, unless you’re a paid member of the clergy). There are some situations where I think it’s fine to talk about faith, but they mostly tend to be in, say, group discussion where faith is a relevant topic that is currently being discussed. Other than that, I don’t chat a whole lot about religion and beliefs, and most of the time, I reply in conversations about “the holidays” that I tend to celebrate Christmas for the sense of family and to make immediate relatives happy rather than the religious aspects of it.

16

To my own beliefs I consider atheism to be a matter of fact, so while I don’t hide it I simply treat the subject as a matter of fact and don’t discuss it any more than the sky being blue or water being wet.

I do want one of those Cthulhu fish for the back of my car, but that’s more because I’m a nerd with a sense of humor.

17

What, to you, are the tenets of Catholicism that differentiate it from most Protestant belief systems? I ask because even though I’m an atheist (and I don’t try to hide it), I’m still somewhat culturally Catholic, I went to a Catholic high school where I had four years of Catholic religious education, and I’m not at all sure if anything I learned during these years was specifically Catholic rather than generically Christian. So I’m interested to know what the difference between Catholicism and other flavours of Christianity is to you.

18

My agnosticism usually only comes up when the separation of church and state (and, increasingly, patriotism) does – which is something I felt strongly about even when I was still Catholic. For example, if I am in a situation where the Pledge of Allegiance is being recited I leave out the “under God” part, but I think only the people right next to me would notice (it’s not like I yell the rest of the pledge or anything). Otherwise, I only mention it if someone asks me about my faith or if religion is being discussed and I feel it to be pertinent.

My answer used to be, “There’s a reason it’s called ‘faith’.” :slight_smile:

19

What I think of,

Transubstantiation, confessing to a priest, priest/bishop/Pope hierarchy, dogma about the conception and assumption of Mary, Mary ever-virgin, original sin, …
For me, I don’t discuss my faith unless it is relevant to the conversation, and I tend to err on the side of not mentioning it at work. It’s like sex or politics–not something to talk about at work. But I would never deny my faith if asked about it. That would be a major failing.

20

In catholicism, in my opinion, one core belief is that the church acts as a required intermediary between you and God. In catholicism, IMO, it’s fully possible to be holier than thou, ie: the priest is holier than you, the bishop is holier than he, the pope is holier than all. According to the catholic catechism, the participation of the church is required for your salvation. In most protestant religions, your relationship is directly with God though your faith with no intermediary necessary.

More importantly is the general protestant belief that faith alone is sufficient for salvation while Catholicism is faith and works being required. This is the concept of Sola Fide. Faith demonstrated by action versus faith and the requirement of action.

This is perhaps demonstrated by the debate over the necessity of the sacraments as a condition for salvation, an example being the catholic sacrament of confession as a condition for salvation versus the protestant belief in faith alone for salvation.