Is it hypocritical to join a church if you don't believe?

Great Debates
1

This topic was partially inspired by this thread, but I didn’t want to hijack it…

First, a little personal background to set the scene…

I was born Jewish, but my parents converted to Christianity when I was very young and I was raised in a fairly strict Christian household. I always thought the beliefs of the church in which I was raised were “good” insofar as they taught people to be kind to one another, helped people find solace and comfort in times of need, and instilled people with a sense of purpose in life. However, I never managed to find any faith in the any of the underlying core beliefs.

In general, despite much seeking and soul searching, I never managed to believe in the existence of God (at least not in the sense of a supreme being who created the universe and then revealed his word to various prophets over the years). Ditto for Christ – I could accept that there might have been a man by that name who taught some good things, but I could never muster any belief in the idea that he was the literal son of God, that he died for our sins, that he was coming back some day, etc. And I also have never felt particularly “spiritual.” I can accept that there might be “something” out there beyond that which can be explained through rationalism, but this has zero impact on my life.

I stayed a “faithful” member of my church for many years, mostly because I didn’t want to rock to boat with my family and friends. In my late 20s, however, I finally decided that it was hypocritical for me to go to church every week and pretend that I believed what the church taught, and so I stopped going to church and haven’t been back in many years. I don’t have any bitter feelings toward the church – I merely don’t believe in its teachings and therefore see no reason to go.

My wife, on the other hand, was raised in a completely non-religious culture (communist China). Her parents taught her to be a good person and instilled within her a strong sense of morality, but there was no mention of God whatsoever. God and Christ are literally foreign concepts to her.

Here’s the kicker, though… My wife has met some friends and co-workers who have been urging her to come to church with them, and my wife thinks it would be a good idea for us to go. Not because my wife suddenly believes in God and Christ, mind you, but simply because she thinks it would be a good way to meet people, have a social life, etc. Now, I am appalled at the idea of attending a church whose core beliefs I do not share, merely to socialize, especially since most religious services I’ve attended (of various faiths) do involve some sort of affirmation of belief. My wife, however, doesn’t see the big deal, and she claims that there are probably lots of people who attend church without really believing what the church teaches.

It would be nice, I suppose, if we could find a group of people we like who affirmed the inherent goodness of man without reference to diety or spirituality. Even the Universalist/Unitarian (considered by many to be the least religious of all so-called religions) services I have attended, however, struck me as far too spiritually oriented for my tastes, and the fact that they had all the trappings of a traditional religion (albeit without the substance) left a bad taste in my mouth. (Of course, even if we did find such a group, I would have to deal with my dislike for getting up early on Sunday mornings, but I digress…)

So anyway, that’s the story. And now I ask you, the Teeming Millions, what your thoughts are on this topic. Is it hypocritical to attend a church whose core beliefs you don’t share? Does it make it any better if you don’t affirmatively claim to share those beliefs? And does anybody know of any organizations such as the hypothetical one I described, i.e., one that provides the social benefits of church membership without the religious trappings?

Regards,

Barry

2

I don’t know that it is hypocritical, but it does seem counterproductive. While the frequency of seeing people and the sponsored social activities are part of the reason that there is a strong social community in a house of worship, there is a great deal to be said for the fact that people there have a very important issue in their lives in common: the shared beliefs.

Coming into a church with an attitude of “Well, I don’t believe in your Jesus but I really like you so I’m here mainly for the friendships.” is likely to cause grief. Even if you don’t wear your feelings for their faith on your sleeve, eventually it’s going to become plain to those around you that you don’t believe and in fact, have no use for spiritual enterprises at all. That’s just going to cause hurt to a lot of people – including you, when the members either close ranks against you or begin attempts to convince you (either subtly or otherwise) that you need to believe as they do.

Look around your community. What are you interests? There are all kinds of groups built around one endeavor or hobby or another. Look for some, try them out. The church idea seems like a calamity waiting to happen.

3

Yes.

Esp if after years of going there, they might ask you to help out in some way, teach sunday school, participate in some church function, etc in some way represent THEIR church.

I really dont see how anyone can or would want to join something that they did not believe in.

4

Well, that’s kind of the problem right there. I actually belong to a couple of different groups built around my hobbies and interests, but we would need to find one that my wife would feel comfortable joining as well. I’ve tried to convince her that we should join some sort of “social group” devoted to a cause we believe in, but she has become convinced that only a church can offer the type of institutionalized socialization she is looking for.

Basically, I think she is looking for something that allows large groups of like minded people to meet together on a regular basis, and encourages members to socialize and provide a “support group” outside of regular meetings as well. And joining a church does tend to provide that sort of 'instant friendship" moreso than any other type of organization with which I am familiar.

Not to name names, but in the thread I referenced in the OP somebody said the following:

I guess that something about the idea of “going to church” but not being “particularly religious” (not to mention not believing in such fundamental tenets as God or an afterlife) strikes me as fundamentally wrong. Nobody said anything about it in the that thread, however, so I thought maybe I was just being too sensitive.

Barry

5

I’d be reluctant to join any organisation whose creed I didn’t believe in.

Then again, I was reluctant to join a church whose beliefs I was favourably inclined towards, just because I wanted a larger social life. It just seemed so tacky to use a church as a meet-market. At the time, I thought that the beliefs of the religion should be the primary reason to join a religious organisation. I’ve relaxed a bit now…

6

At the risk of insulting either yourself or your wife:

Do you suppose that her early experiences in communist China have familiarized your wife with the idea that the things people affirm in public have nothing to do with what they actually think?

I ask because this seems to be a problem for you. Far too many people (IMO) have no problems with that kind of cognitive disconnect; in some cases that I’ve seen, because they have no innate respect for intellectual honesty and integrity.

In your wife’s case, I can’t help but wonder why it doesn’t bother her. (Perhaps she also views traditional religion as meaningless, but is just more concerned with finding social interaction than you.)

7

I too would say that it would more than a little hipocritical.

If you don’t beleive in what is going on, following through with rituals and ceremonies considered sacred by a group of people is also disrespectful and possibly sacreligious.

If you choose NOT to take part in the more serious rituals you are likely to tip your hand to the group. If they find out that you are ‘pretending’ just to make friends no one can predict their reaction. But whatever that reaction is it’ll probably be bad. Either they’ll close ranks on you, try to convince you of their beliefs, or perhaps even grow hostile towards you.

If your wife feels comfortable with going to church services then she can do so. I realize that the point is to socialize together, but in this instance your gut feeling may be correct, and you should heed it. Try looking for somehting else the both of you can do.

A book club? Some sort of sport or martial art? A community project?

8

Ah, go ahead. What’s life without a little risk?

I really have no idea. It’s definitely something worth discussing, however.

Well, I’ll take that as a statement that you think I have at least a degree of innate respect for intellectual honesty and integrity, and just say thank you very much for the compliment :wink:

I think you’ve pretty much nailed it in your parenthetical statement. Never having been exposed to organized religion in any form while growing up, I suspect the concept is rather meaningless to her. She doesn’t think it would be hypocritical to joing a religion solely for social reasons, since she really doesn’t understand what religions are “supposed” to be about in the first place.

Regards,

Barry

9

I don’t have a problem with you and your wife going to the church, and I think it’s a good idea.

There are hundreds of reasons why people attend church, and not everybody believes everything happened literally as they teach. Everyone is at a different place in their “spiritual journey”, and it isn’t necessary to accept every word of it to get a lot of benefit from it. Participating in a church provides socialization, lessons, activities, and experiences that help you grow as a person.

I say don’t just be a pew-filler, jump right in and participate. If you have skills as a teacher, go ahead and do that. What’s important isn’t the scientific accuracy, it’s the “essence of the message”, which is usually being kind and respectful of others, being a good person, being reflective of your own behavior, etc.

But of course, you may walk into a weird church full of wackos - if that’s the case, just move on.

10

Have you considered asking the priest, vicar or whoever what they think? Or perhaps just some friends who go to church.

You never know, you might be told “Hey, if you’re interested, you’re very welcome! The services are for everyone, though don’t eat the communion of course.”

11

I don’t think there’s anything hypocritical about attending a Church whose beliefs you don’t share; it would probably be hypocritical for a non-believer to enter into formal membership at most Protestant Churches, because there is usually some associated declaration of faith.

Be warned though, that one of several things might happen to you, including :
-It might be assumed that you believe and as a result you might find people saying things to you that you find disturbing or awkward - for some Christians, it is the most natural thing to say “Hey, I was talking to Jesus the other day and…”, which can freak some non-believers right out. They might also ask you to pray with them, although you could make some excuse.
-You might find yourself under conversion pressure

That your wife’s friends are urging her to attend sounds like these sort of things might be a distinct possibility, but a lot of it depends on the type of Church.

12

Actually, I’m quite sure that’s what they would say. I spent enough time in an evangelical church to know that getting people in the door is the first step to getting them “converted.” In fact, I spoke with my bishop when I decided to leave church, and he told me the same thing, that I was welcome to continue attending even if I didn’t “really” believe.

My question is not whether I would be allowed to join a church whose beliefs I did not share. I’m just wondering if other people here agree that it would be hypocritical to do so.

I’d really like to hear from people who don’t believe in the core beliefs of their church and still attend, and to hear how they deal with that “cognitive disconnect” as TVAA puts it.

Barry

13

At first, I was afraid that they were fundies or one of the more evangelical churches such as Latter-day Saints, Jehovah’s Witness, or Church of Christ. As it happens, however, her friends are Catholic, which rather surprised me, to be honest.

Barry

14

Barry, I’d say to do so – under certain conditions.

First is my firm belief, based on Paul, that faith is a gift from God, not a thing you generate within yourself. The only thing a churchgoer needs, IMHO, is an openness to finding out the truth, and whether that church has any handle on it.

I would, however, choose a church that fits your conceptions of what ought to be done and which matches your intellectual interests. Some Episcopal parishes adopt the attitude that Jim, our Associate Rector, defined: “Some churches have all the answers. We have all the questions.” In other words, you’re welcome here with intellectual reservations and a willingness to question, and if you’re looking for a place that will spoonfeed you the answers, you’ve probably come to the wrong place. The UUs are even more strongly into this view – “No matter what you believe or don’t believe, there’s probably a Unitarian that agrees with you” is a quote I remember.

There are no doubt other churches that fill this bill – I’m giving examples, not defining a specific few choices. Pullen Memorial Baptist in Raleigh has much the same attitude – though it’s very unusual among Baptist churches!

15

Surely, if the people involved know you don’t believe, and you are careful not to say you do, there is no ‘cognitive disconnect.’ And no hypocracy.

Of course, it’s hard to find the right balance between not giving a false impression, and being in-your-face about your lack of belief.

Oh, and I suppose some people would interpret attending church as you being open to conversion - if you’re sure you won’t, there might be a problem there.

16

You might want to look into any Humanist organizations in the area. We also have a church here called the Church of Freethought that encompasses everything you’re looking for in a church minus the religious trappings, however I think it’s only in Texas (Dallas and Houston). There may be something similar for you.

I have yet to attend either of these organizations but had been considering it. I’ve never attended church and have no desire to, however, my wife and I would also like to find some social groups to get involved with. FTR, my wife is Taiwanese and has a basic understanding of religion but she’s more familiar with Taoism and Buddhism.

17

Nothing hypocritical at all. If you don’t pretend to believe something you don’t believe, and honestly just be yourself, then why not? You become a hypocrite when you act different on Sunday than you do other days.

18

And does anybody know of any organizations such as the hypothetical one I described, i.e., one that provides the social benefits of church membership without the religious trappings?

Yes. Perhaps there’s one near you. This is the one that Ice Machine mentioned. It is two hours drive from where I’m at, so I’ve only attended this particular group a couple of times, and each time it was a pleasurable experience. One lecture had to do with Dr. Gorski’s Antarctica trip. Another they had a guest speaker from the ACLU. They also arrange field trips. One was a prominent scientist that led them out to the famous dinosaur tracks in the Paluxy riverbed near Glen Rose, TX. This group has the Church atmosphere, only much better because everyone is able to stay awake with these lectures. These are educational and entertaining! They were working on getting James Randi to do a lecture; not sure if he ever made it. Randi was going to cut them a deal on his lecture fee for a group like this. If they would have got him, the attendance would probably have been through the roof. Anyway, these are the kind of lectures I like. People they help explain how the real world works; not how they wish for it to work.

If you did attend a Christian church, and if you can give them honest answers to their inquiries, and they had no problem with it, I fail to see why it would be hypocritical though. You could probably attend, but I think forget membership in almost all of them. You could also forget feeling comfortable in any conservative church, I would think. But if you did go to a liberal Christian church, have you gave any thought on whether you would contribute to the collection plate? If you did, wouldn’t you want to know exactly how that money was going to be spent? How would you find out?

JZ

19

Well, maybe it’s just me being over sensitive, but I can’t help feeling that attending worship services would be tantamount to “pretending to believe something I don’t believe.”

John Zahn and Ice Machine: I did a little googling on the organization you mentioned. A lot of interesting material, but they don’t seem to have a local branch near me…

Barry

20

It would be better to not join if one does not believe. The primary purpose of a Church is not as a social club.