I consider myself a Buddhist existentialist. All of my friends and family know it, but with aquaintances/people I don’t know I try to keep my Buddhism on the d/l, for a number of reasons.
Mostly, I don’t want people to assume things about me based on that fact. I have found people have a large number of strange expectations about me based on my religion.
I don’t want them to wrongly assume, among other things:
I worship the moon (had a Muslim guy ask me this, irony of ironies.*)
I worship anything in particular.
I labor under the delusion that I’m some sort of always peaceful enlightened being.
I’m one of those ‘‘new agey’’ kids who latches onto whatever fad sounds interesting.
I’m going to talk about it excessively and try to ‘‘convert’’ someone.
I know an extraordinary amount of information about eastern philosophy and eastern religions.
I’m superstitious instead of completely dedicated to the scientific method.
It just seems there is an extraordinary amount of expectation based on revealing that I practice Buddhism. And explaining it inevitably leads to me discussing the other half of my spiritual vision, which is existentialism.
In every day conversation, there is no possible way to discuss existentialism without sounding like a pretentious twat. Also, Nietzsche brings out aggressive tendencies in Christians, so I try not to mention he is my Hero. I worry that people will interpret ‘‘I love Nietzsche’’ as ‘‘I hate God and everything Christianity stands for.’’ If they in fact have ever heard of Nietzsche. If they haven’t, then the only connection I can spark is ‘‘God is dead’’ which is not only a completely misrepresented and out-of-context quote, but couldn’t possibly sound more confrontational to a Christian.
*On preview: Pre-emptively, I have decided to clarify that the reason it is ironic that a Muslim asked if I worship the moon is because that is one of the biggest falsehoods being spread by fundamentalists about the Muslim faith. (See Chick, Jack T. for horrifying details.)
I am one of the posters who admitted to attending church as a closeted atheist. The majority of my close friends are Christians, and a fundamental tenet of their practice is witnessing and conversion. They spend much their free time “listening” for signs that an acquaintance needs a witness, and jump at the chance to offer scripture and platitudes at everything from the complaint of a headache to the loss of a family member.
My friends are prepared to witness and convert at any sign of doubt or disbelief, and each feels that it is his or her personal calling to ensure that every loved one will be joining them in Heaven. When a friend slips away from the church, my friends take it as a personal failure of their own faith and practice, and they will fret and pray for hours for the right words to say in order to “Turn her heart.” I do not want to be responsible for causing them any distress, and I certainly do not want to influence them to question their own beliefs. My beliefs are personal IRL. This is the only format in which I will discuss or debate the subject of faith.
I love my friends dearly, and I don’t want them to worry for me, or take my lack of belief as a personal challenge or failure. They would be horrified to think of me roasting in Hell for all eternity, and would lose sleep trying to bring me into the fold. I love my friends; I will not cause them any suffering, and I feel no guilt for either concealing my beliefs or the outright lies I occasionally have to tell as a cover. I honor their requests and go to church whenever I am asked, which is usually for special events or charitable functions. And when they ask me to pray with them, I bow my head.
I found the GD thread about problems caused by people’s atheism to be puzzling because it’s so very far removed from my own experience: I can barely conceive of a workplace where it’s common practice to discuss one’s religion or lack thereof, nevermind berate people over their lack of faith! I don’t know, maybe when people say New Englanders are reserved when it comes to matter of faith they’re right, but I don’t know the religious persuasions of 90% of people I work with because it never comes up.
It doesn’t often come up with friends either, unless I object to someone saying someone should go to hell on the basis that I don’t believe people go to hell and/or that people of all faiths will go to heaven. (I was raised universalist)
I don’t hide my atheism from anyone but my parents. I don’t want to be harassed about it and I think my mom would. She just doesn’t ‘get’ things and I don’t want to deal with it.
It’s incrediably stupid, considering they don’t go to church at all anymore, which is supposed to be one of those basic things for a Christian.
Oh, and I hide it from the Christian camp I volunteer at (well, I did last year and I don’t know if I’m going back. Politics. BS. Would like to swear at the camp directors’ daughter. And one of the camp directors. And one of the division directors. Mostly involving the phrase ‘you are why Christians look bad’ except with stronger language and much waving of arms)
Around most of my family I am a closeted atheist. My family are all JWs, so trying to tell them that I no longer believe in that religion would cause some of them to cut me out of their lives entirely. They know I no longer attend meetings, but they still think that deep down I do believe and one day I’ll start attending again. Some of the younger members of my family are in the same position as me - closeted atheist/agnostic/not sure but pretty skeptical about the JW thing, so I do discuss it with them. I do talk about religion and spiritual beliefs with my friends. I really like to understand why they believe what they believe, especially if someone has reached their faith as a process of serious soul-searching and study. I don’t try to proselytize my atheism to anyone. I don’t tend to make friends with people who don’t enjoy talking about spirituality (or lack thereof) or can’t do so in a calm, adult manner. If I’m talking to people I don’t know I rarely bring it up. I do mention it in classroom discussions, sometimes, if it’s relevant to the topic at hand, but again, no proselytizing, no “how can you believe that crap?” I’ve even been known to attend services of other faiths from time to time. Just because I no longer believe in a god doesn’t mean that religion and spirituality stopped being interesting to me. On the contrary, they’re still fascinating subjects, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting to talk about religion (as long as no one will be handing out tracts, that is).
Sort of the same thing. I tend to dance around it with people I don’t know well, because of all the assumptions that can go along with it (e.g. crazy, unthinking, ignorant, going to start evangelising annoyingly). And if I’m talking to Protestants, that I worship Mary and kowtow to the Pope. And am not a Christian.
Interesting. I don’t think that the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church implies that priests and bishops and Popes are necessarily holier than laypeople. They have specific vocations and responsibilities which are different from the vocations that laypeople have, but the sacraments they administer are not valid through their own personal holiness, but through the power of Christ. A priest of terrible character can still administer valid sacraments. There’s a specific name for the heresy that a priest or pastor’s personal character renders sacraments valid or invalid, but I can’t remember its name. tomndebb? Bricker?
Oh, yes, and the things I think separate Catholicism and Protestantism are generally papal authority, Mary and the saints, and sacraments (for some churches).
I’m an atheist who attends a UU Fellowship in the Bible Belt. I don’t really ever talk about my beliefs because they just don’t come up. My close friends, whom I have more in depth discussions with, know that I’m an atheist, but it’s not something that really comes up in everyday conversation.
What I find uncomfortable is the UU part. I really don’t like telling people I go to “church.” Well, I don’t go to church, I go to fellowship, but no one knows what the hell that is, so the shorthand is “church.” This has come up in conversation, though, and I always feel squeamish. For instance, the women in my playgroup were talking about leaving their kids with caretakers and they were mentioning their church nurseries. My son has had issues at our nursery, so I mentioned it, but now I’m all worried that they think I’m a Christian. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just that I’m soooo not. Another time was when I lost my wallet at UU. I was at an acquaintance’s house and she asked me what I was doing that afternoon. I was going to the DMV to get a replacement drivers’ license, which led into me telling her that I lost my wallet, etc. She said, “Well, at least you know whoever found it is Godly.” Ha! I wanted to say, “Well, that’s not likely!” But really, I didn’t want to get into it. I feel like a fraud if I mention church, but I feel like I’m trying to hide something if I, well, try to hide it.
I don’t go out of my way to mention I’m an atheist, but I won’t lie if someone asks and the question isn’t inappropriate given the circumstances (eg. at work, where’d I respond to the effect of “That’s personal”). It’s just not a critical facet of myself.
I definitely keep the fact that I’m a Wiccan under wraps. There’s very few people who know it and in the state I live in, letting anyone other than folks I trust implicitly is setting me up for a major amount of bullshit.
My friends all know I’m atheist. Some of my family knows it, others just know I don’t go to church anymore. My workplace is full of very devout, very ostentatious Christians, and I’m actually open about my beliefs when it comes up, and it’s never been a problem.
My faith seems to confuse people. Most people who are interested in discussing religion want things black and white - either you’re a Christian or a Muslim or an atheist or whatever.
I’m really more of a Taoist. “The Way that can be named is not The Way”. Religions can be a helpful, strong, honest attempt to know God, but they’re also finite (because they exist as something). I don’t think that God is truly knowable because It doesn’t have finite dimensions. But we still need to be about knowing - we’ll just always do it imperfectly.
So when my Christian friends talk about the Bible, sure, there are principles with which I agree. Absolutely. And I’m glad they’re sustained by their religion.
But try to tell them that other faiths hold the same principles and they don’t want to hear it. THAT is the problem with organized religion (as opposed to personal faith). Organized religions have boundaries, they stop, there are questions that they simply can’t answer but they do so anyway and people just say “Yes!” in order to maintain an illusion of perfect belief.
OTOH, though, the failure of religion doesn’t mean there isn’t a God.
What pisses me off is when my Christian relatives accuse ME of being arrogant for not subsuming my will to that of their version of God. And I think - how dare THEY presume to know God, presume ownership and definitions.
New Agers, who want to free themselves of the bonds of Christianity, still do the same thing, in different ways. Everyone wants others to follow THEIR path. It doesn’t work that way.
So while I’m willing to discuss and interested in religion, I can’t seem to find the method.
I’m a recently lapsed Catholic who now doesn’t know what, if anything, she believes anymore. I find it painful to think about and even more painful to talk about, so the only people who know are my parents (who found out when I visited them and asked me when I wanted to go to Mass that weekend). It’s no one else’s business.
However, in situations where a question about Catholicism has been raised, I will answer freely with no mention of what I personally do or do not believe. I’ve been Catholic for 28 of my 29 years and was seriously devout for 10 of those years, so if we’re talking about facts (Catholics do this, Catholics don’t believe that), I’m okay with speaking from that experience.
I go out of my way to avoid discussing religion, because it seems like nothing good can come from those discussions. If someone asks a question about my religious practice, I just say, “Oh, I’m not religious,” in a tone of voice that I hope indicates that no more info will be forthcoming. The rare exceptions are with very close friends or relatives who I know have similar leanings.
On the other hand, I’d kind of like those of you who don’t like to mention you’re Christian for fear of being lumped in with the evangelical crazies to speak up occasionally. Often the only references to religion I see in day-to-day life are newspaper articles on fundamentalists in politics and the result is that I have to work to remember that Christian does not necessarily equal opposition to everything I think is important. I need reminders that good people can be religious, too!
I used to make some effort to hide my athiesm because I work as a scientist in a large company, and the Chief Technology Officer, whom I reported to, was a Scientific Creationist and Reverend and Sunday School Teacher. He would rant in meetings about how evolution is only a theory, etc. But then he got caught embezzling and was demoted, and quit about a year later.
Nowadays I am pretty comfortable with people finding out I am an athiest, though I don’t make any effort to advertise it and the subject almost never comes up except with good friends. I am just a little nervous about it, because of the nasty things I have heard of happening to athiests who are “out”, but practically I don’t think that’s much of an issue. I wouldn’t, though, put the legged fish emblem with “Darwin” written in it on my car. It was a gift and I stuck it on my home shop wall.
If the topic comes up, I’ll say that I’m a fallen-away Catholic. Sometimes if I’m in the mood, I’ll talk about my dabbling in Paganism - usually makes for good conversation. I rarely have occasion to meet people who are serious about religion anyway.
I’ve noticed that most people who were brought up Catholic will still call themselves some form of Catholic (lapsed, fallen-away, etc). I have a friend who hasn’t been to Mass in years, yet still identifies with Catholicism in a lot of ways. That probably explains why the OP’s friend wants to get married in a Catholic church. I am no longer a practicing Catholic but I would still want to have a Catholic wedding, if my future husband had no problem with it.