I’ve been going through one of those weird masculine jealous anger type phases, weird because I’m normally a non-confrontational kind of guy, and I sit around thinking about how much of a beating I could give my wife’s boyfriend and only miss one day of work. Of course, I’m not going to do that (for one thing, it would make things very difficult for me since I’m relying on my wife to help through the move), but I still think about it.
Should I be worried? Am I going to stop thinking about it and actually do it? It sounds outlandish to me, but then I’ve seen a lot of guys act like that, and I’ve been atypical so far.
The fact that you’re asking the question suggests you won’t do it. I suspect violent behaviour of this sort comes in two varieties:
Spur of the moment violence, e.g. you walk in on someone robbing your house and you beat the hell out of him in fury, or
Planned violence.
I suspect, based on some personal experience, that the people who actually beat up boyfriends and such in a planned manner are usually unconscious of the moral and ethical implications of it and have some tortured rationalization for it. Rarely do such people ever consciously entertain doubts about whether it’s right to beat someone up, and then go ahead and do it.
Na dude I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m going though something similar with the almost ex-wife now. Just found out that she never gave up the old BF even after 10 years!
I get that same jealous rage but have never gone through with any of it. Boy could I get some good revenge too, but I just can’t bring myself to do any of it. Some of it would be legal too, but ah fuck her.
I’ve been listening to a lot of Motorhead lately, it’s amazing what some good Motorhead will due for a mood.
Go punch something like a pillow. First of all, you KNOW it’s not a good idea to hit another person, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking. Second, I know from experience that hitting someone else hurts the living HELL out of your hand.
Hang in there, go listen to loud music and hit pillows, and bide your time until this is over. Best thing for all involved.
My experience with this kind of thing is that no matter how much you feel you could actually beat somebody up, you most likely won’t, as I am assuming you are a rational adult who knows better.
No doubt, the feeling is very strong, and I think that’s normal in this this kind of situation, but there needs to be a quantum leap between the thpought and the deed, or you could end up with much worse problems than simply being pissed off.
In a similar situation some time ago, I wanted to kill the offending parties by smashing their heads in with a baseball bat (yes, the image is still very strong for me); but of course I did not. I think revenge fantasies are a part of working through a painful break-up, as long as they stay fantasies.
I found that exercise, therapy and travel helped me immensely in getting through the hardest part. Good luck to you, my dear, and I hope you feel better!
Speaking as one who has been in the position of wanting to hit someone (AND having followed through on a number of occasions) I will tell you that, if you haven’t done it by now, chances are that you won’t.
(However, as a fellow Doper, should you wish to have this person run into a mysterious ass-whupping, let me know! )
Don’t bother with pillows, however. (it’s a good suggestion but, IMHO, not terribly satisfying) Go to the gym and work on the heavy bag for a while. But, for God’s sake, get some instruction first! Wear gloves and wrist-wraps. You might even want to wear a mouth-guard to keep you from biting your lips or tongue.
You’ll work up a sweat, your heart will pound wildly and, in five minutes, you’ll be worn out!
Everybody gets that way, especially when going through something like you are. I have a second job working at a shitty grocery store (okay, it’s a prissy grocery store, but that makes it wosrse). I swear, if we were allowed to have sticks with nails in them like keep asking, I’d love to plant one in the middle of everyone that comes in my line. I could just pick up a divider and smack the next annoying customer, but I don’t. I’ve only been in maybe two “fights,” niether of which were anything big or special, and both of them were in grade school (a good 10-12 years ago).
Everyone has aggressive tendencies, it’s just that most people are able to control them. Find some other way of venting your frustration like you always have, and you’ll be fine. It’s normal, it may never go away, but you’ll live.
Eh, I’m not questioning whether it’s right or wrong. I feel justified taking revenge, I treated this guy with respect and invited him into my home and now he’s screwing my wife, he should EXPECT some kind of retaliation…when I fooled around with married women before I fully expected some kind of retaliation should the husband found out.
The difference here is the nature of the revenge. My typical behavior would be to wait a while, and then do something sneaky and/or legal to screw up the person who did me wrong. I’ve been having similar fantasies for a while now, and all of them involved waiting until I was moved out and on my own, and when my wife couldn’t do something to screw me up, and then do something, whether it’s getting them fired from their jobs, evicted from their homes, or otherwise ruining their lives. But this time I’m thinking ‘Screw that, just punch him in the head’. Very weird for me, makes me think it’s hormonal or something…
)