Ever get the feeling that a buttfuck was imminent?

The BBQ Pit
1

I do. Right now. I feel an incredibly painfull assraping is about to occur. The rapee? Me. The rapist? A certain online retailer. I’m not so sure that i’m legally allowed to name them; lets just say Wonder Woman might shop there.

Full story:
I finally took the plunge and purchased an item thats been sitting in my basket for an age. I’m on a fortnights vacation, and i want to work my way through the entire lot; Futurama four season box set, baby!! Come to papa. And come it did, the other day. Delighted with my purchase, I opened up the whole package. Anyone else do this when they buy a new DVD box set? Open it all out, inspect all the discs… Especially the Futurama disc cases; line them all up and you get one big picture. I’m sure there is a name for this. Ah well.

Anyhoo, to my displeasure, I noticed that I had recieved a faulty set… I had two copies of Season Four, disc three, but no Season four disc four. A simple mistake. get onto said online retailer; you never had any problems in the past.

A reply. They dont really understand what the problem is.

Ok, go to greater lenghts to explain what I would like.

Another reply. They dont have another set in stock. Bullshit. I’m looking at your website right now. You have it in stock.

Also, they dont split up box sets into individual parts. Fair enough. A complete new set will do.

If I would like, I can send the whole set back to them. Not suitable at the minute. Like I say, I’m on vacation, and its only the last disc I’m missing. I have plenty to watch, and they have plenty of time to get the final disc here. Besides, the futurama complete box set is huge; I really can’t be bothered to lug it to the post office, get it weighed, get a box for it, pay in cash for postage, send it off… then when they replace the missing disc over there, send it back… the case is bound to get damaged in transit, and I like to keep my things neat. The whole posting it back to them idea gives me the sick.

Now, as a final bargaining chip, they offer to refund me in full for the missing disc, a grand total of… 6 bucks. The set cost 85!! And they want to give me 6? This is against all rational thought! I wanted the COMPLETE set, they give me the INCOMPLETE set, and they think six bucks will make me stay quiet about it? Hey, we know you got a shit deal, but hey, here’s six bucks. Get over it.

So, I send them a somewhat snotty email voicing my opinion about a few of their policies.

A final reply… We’ll get back to you.

And so I wait… nervous of that email that will arrive to tell me that i’m screwed, I’m getting nothing. I wouldnt mind but it feels like I’m getting an automated response, every reply is of the “Please be assured” nature that seems to be a computer selecting the appropriate response for my query. If someone would just assure me that hey, sorry about the futurama man. That sucks. We’ll get you sorted, dont worry. That would ease my mind a lot.

But, unfortunatley, I have no such comfort.
All I have is a dread in the pit of my stomach that I am about to get the shaft, the high hard one.

A stranger fucking me in the ass. Well, I’ll be.

2

I don’t know why you’d consider a buggering a bad thing. It’s quite pleasurable.

3

And yes, I am aware that a mod will probably re-name this thread to something a little more tastefull and, well, relevant to the content. Ah well.

4

Too bad a mod can’t edit the brain process that would make such a comparison. You don’t want to return the item you bought for replacement? You want someone at Amazon to break the seal on a new product; extract a piece of it; and send that piece to a total stranger among millions of total strangers, just on your WORD that, no really, you got the wrong disc?

You want a free disc in the mail, you have to prove your case dude. If you bought it in real life, do you really think you could just stop by the store you bought it at, empty handed, and go, No really, I left the box set at home but one of the discs is the wrong one. Could you just break the seal on that $85 item you have behind the counter and give me a piece of it, rendering it without value, and then hand me the free disc just on my sayso? You can return the set to the manufacturer, saying, Please refund our wholesale purchase on this because WE took disc out of it and handed to a guy who SAID he deserved it.

All told, bubastis, I hope you some day have an opportunity to ACTUALLY compare the two experiences you’re offensively conflating in your OP. Report back.

5

You want to keep the set you have now, and have them send you an entirely new set? I believe them when they say they can’t just send you one disc. I think a compromise would be for them to credit your account with the cost of the postage it takes you to ship back the set. However, if they did what you ask, anyone would be able to get an extra set of just about anything.

On the other hand, they could just assume you are telling the truth and take the loss. This would go a long way to ensure that you remain a customer. However, the people who are replying to you are bound by company policy. They don’t make the rules, they just have to follow them to keep their jobs. Be mad at the company policy and the people who devised it. It’s a waste of time to toss bile at the messenger.

6

So, is it getting buttfucked by a stranger or just getting buttfucked that is the crux of the issue?

7

For people like bubastis, the thrill is in the “stranger” part. He’s that guy you sometimes see hanging out in the men’s room, trying to get your attention.

8

Would it be possible for you to send back just season four in exchange for a new season four box? That way you’d still have stuff to watch while you wait for a replacement to arrive.

While you’re venting your wrath, keep in mind that it’s not Ama—I mean, the online retailer’s fault you got the wrong disc in the first place (if I understand the situation correctly). If they can’t help you, is there a chance the manufacturer of the DVD set (FOX or whoever) could?

9

Just to be clear, they sent you a faulty set. You complained (rightfully) and they offered to replace the set, if you would send the bad set back to them. But you don’t want to do that, so they offered instead to simply refund you the portion of the bad disc. Sorry, but I don’t see how Amazon is being unreasonable. If you want a replacement, you have to send them the bad stuff back. It’s how it works in every single retail business I know of. They’re not just going to take your word for it.

Either suck it up and send the set back or accept the $6. Amazon’s being perfectly fair.

10

C’mon. You’re talking to a guy who is going to spend his vacation watching reruns of a cartoon. And looking forward to it.

11

All right! :slight_smile:

::looks around for Juliet Lewis or Kirsten Dundst::
:confused:

::doesn’t see them, reads thread::

:smack:

Aw, man…!

:frowning:

12

On an unrelated note: what is up with this “I don’t dare utter the name of the store but let’s just say it rhymes with Hamazon.com” bullshit? Do you honestly think it’s illegal to complain about a specific store by name?

I see people do this all the time, and I’ve never understood it.

13

In my Monday-addled state at first I thought he was referring to Victoria’s Secret for some reason…

14

Frequently. I think it’s the lube that tips me off.

15

Yes, when Jack told Ennis to come share his tent instead of freezing out there.

16

Busbastis, here is the crux of your mistake - Amazon is not going to get the boxed set back from you, replace the disc, and then send it back to you. What they’re going to do is get it back from you, send you a new, unopened set, and return the faulty one to the manufacturer. You’re being unreasonable because you don’t understand how this works; they cannot give you just the disc, and cannot open a new set to give you just the disc. They’re going to give you an entire fresh, shrinkwrapped set and send yours back to the manufacturer as defective.

17

Do you spend a lot of time on eBay?

'Cause from what I’m gathering from your OP, you’re basically begging Amazon to buttfuck you, and they’re playing all coy, Britney-Spears-on-a-first-date, and THAT’s what’s pissing you off.

18

I’m glad you could tear yourself away from your tome of Ibsen to add that. :rolleyes:

19

I can understand why you’d be angry, bubastis, but they really do need your set back. They should pay for postage, but they have to verify that you have a legitimate problem. That’s the problem with e-commerce.

20

Victoria’s Secret?

Lane Bryant?

Tiara’s “R” Us?

Golden Lasso-rama?