Just realized I miiiiiiight have misinterpreted. So, uh, never mind.
think twice, post once. think twice, post once. think twice, post once.
Hamadryad: Prefering casual sex to dating is nymphomania?
Just to follow up, yes, I saw your post. And yes I realize you think you misread… but how could that have been read so that it implied nymphomania? I’m more curious than anything else here. Throw me a bone.
Nice response, AT. I retract what I said about you probably being lousy in bed. Your post here made your feelings much more clear than OP we were pitting. I can understand the feelings you are going through - I was 19 once also. One day you will find a lady that you can not only talk with, you will never want to stop talking with!
Yeah, let us know how it works out for you, too.
This would be “hyperbole,” and yet another reason for the “think twice/post once” mantra.
Ahhhh. I grok. Thanks.
AT, it it’s any consolation, my son also finds most of his female contemporaries to be extremely shallow. Although he’s a year or two older than you y’all are close enough in age. I don’t know if the girls are shallower in your generation, if y’all are a cut above intellectually, or if y’all are just too picky. He did manage to find someone, although they did recently break up.
It could just be that you’re a late bloomer - just not ready for girls yet despite what your hormones are telling you. You’re still very young with lots of time to work this thing out, believe it or not.
In the meantime, don’t be too hard on the girls - it could very well be they want to jump your bones, too, but there’s this little thing called unintended pregnancy that makes most girls think twice. The only 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence, after all.
The correct grammar is “I wish I were gay”. The sentence requires the subjunctive mood.
Then again, oral sex, mutual masturbation, dry humping, anal sex…no, you must be right, the only way to be sure is abstinence. I forgot that there is only one way to have sex.
As to the OP that spawned this pitting, I could sort of understand what he meant. The verbal diarhea that constitutes the “how was your day?” conversation of most women I find to be as soul-crushingly vapid in a girl I don’t have feelings for as I find it endearing in a girl I care for deeply.
Here’s a tip for the ladies: if you share a place with your boyfriend and another guy, don’t subject the other guy to your daily verbal decompression even if your SO isn’t home when you get home. It’s rude.
From what I can tell, women use talking to establish intimacy. Most guys I know use talking to communicate something they think the other person might find interesting. Guys generally, from what I can tell, establish intimacy through actions and shared experiences.
Meh. All he’s gotta do is wait a bit. I find that a lot of people relax their attitudes about sex once they get closer to their mid-twenties.
This whole thing is hardly Pit-worthy. Of course, it’s horribly immature attitudes towards sex, relationships, gay men, and women. But if you started an auxilliary Pit thread every time somebody made a horribly immature comment about sex, relationships, gay men, and women on the Dope, you’d cripple the database.
Yeah, a lot of gay guys are into no-strings hook-ups. A lot of gay guys are immature fuck-wits with no moral compass, and completely irresponsible ideas about STD’s and just general emotional fulfillment. Guess what? A lot of straight men and women are the same way. Whether or not you like dick, or whether or not I’m a pompous moralizing bastard, isn’t going to change that.
The cool thing is that Argent Towers is 19, which is a good age to be realizing all this stuff. He can have shallow meaningless relationships with women who are just as horny as he is, and eventually realize how unfulfilling it all is. And eventually come to the realization that sexual attraction isn’t the be-all and end-all, it just makes strong relationships even better. And that’s true for faggots and breeders alike.
I think this is the point when I’m supposed to jump in and say, “hands off, bitch!” but I’m depressed at the idea that Miller is only into me because I know who Exar Kun is.
Plus, I don’t have the heart to admit to him that I’ve been faking all my Star Wars knowledge, and those weird grunting sounds I made during sex weren’t, in fact, genuine Huttese.
You know, hearing somebody else who’s as anal-retentive about the subjunctive mood as I am almost makes up for this. Almost.
Absolutely. That was among the best responses to a Pitting I’ve ever seen. Which, quite frankly, pisses me off. I had this great rant all planned out about how I wanted your life instead of mine where I connect great with women which gives me warm and enjoyable friendships but no romantic prospects, and every now and again I’d like to meet at least one woman who’d see me as a potential partner, while simultaneously not seeing me the way gay guys see me, which is apparently as a guy to say “hey, wanna fuck?” to as soon as possible.
I mean, maybe I’m asking for too much: someone whom I can talk to and have sex with. I don’t even care about the gender, for Og’s sake. But noooooo - women are uninterested and the gay community makes me want to puke.
Huh. I guess I ranted anyway.
You couldn’t have said you were 19 in your first post?
Recommended reading, posted before in similar threads. It’s a website and forum dedicated to the art of seduction of women, both for LTR and one-night-stands. Useful for some men, and an interesting read for girls.
[Susie Derkins]“And while I’m wishing, I’d like a pony”[/Susie Derkins] :rolleyes:
Piss easy. How fucking successful is it? Ever used this successfully? Ever bought it when used on you?
No fair! That post sounds really bad out of context. In context, it was supposed to be funny. You know I adore you, SolGrundy, fellow defender of the subjunctive.
Look, for what it’s worth, (and it might not be worth anything,) a few years ago my father and mother (who had been married for 25 years, despite the fact that they apparently hated it) split up. My dad, taking advantage of the fact that he is handsome, ruthlessly charming, and fairly wealthy, began seducing an unending horde of younger women. While my friends and I thought that it was “cool” that I had Hugh Hefner for a father, after a while I realized that the constant dating was totally destroying his soul. He acted totally depressed and neurotic when he and I were alone together, complaining about his relationship problems and his trouble having meaningful connections, and how stressed out he was because every night he was going to a different bar or club and picking up women.
I was really resentful of these conversations we used to have, at first, because I thought it was mean that he was complaining about his “trouble” with women to me, who was having no success at all with women. It felt like he was saying, “oh no, I’m getting laid too much.” I used to tell him that it was like complaining about a charley horse to Christopher Reeve. Then I realized that he really was having genuine problems with all these women, and that the “bar scene” and all the casual sex it entailed was not just fun and games and that it could burn guys out.
At the same time I was bitter because I envied my dad. He was (and is) extremely charming and flattering and knows exactly what to tell women. I was really frustrated that I wasn’t having any success with girls and that he was having more success than a man could hope for. I used to ask him for advice, and he’d invariably tell me the same shit: “tell them exactly what they want to hear. Flatter them, compliment them, ask them questions about themselves.”
It infuriated me to hear this. Why should I pander to such a selfish attitude on a date with a girl? I didn’t understand why girls would be so shallow and self-centered that all you needed to do to “get them” was to ask them about themselves and pretend to be interested in the most mundane shit about their lives. I had a bad impression of women that was in no way being helped by my dad’s advice. So I became extremely bitter and resentful of the “dating scene” and told myself that I wouldn’t even bother with it, and would wait till I found someone who I really liked and who really liked me.
Then I started college, and somehow, I wound up on a floor of my residence hall that was about 50% gay. Now, I’d known a lot of gay people before, but I’d never known any gays who were my own age. At the high school I went to, nobody who was gay would ever be obvious about it, because the social climate was just very unwelcoming to it, so if there were any homosexuals there, they kept it pretty well hidden. Now I was surrounded by gay guys, my own age, and I quickly became good friends with all of them.
I was amazed at how open they were about their sex lives and at the spontaneity of their sexual encounters. I realized that for these guys, a friend could also be a sexual partner. When you’re straight, you have your friends and then you have your girlfriend. For these guys, they had their friends, and if their friends were gay too, then they’d do stuff with them. If they wanted to. And if they didn’t want to, they’d still be friends.
In my experience, “let’s just be friends” when said by a girl to a guy (in response to the guy’s attempted courtship) is one of the most insincere and false things anyone could say. The guy doesn’t want to be the girl’s friend. He wants to be her boyfriend. His feelings towards her are motivated by love, and sexual attraction - not by wanting to go to the movies and talk about stupid shit over meals. So if he’s told “let’s just be friends” by that girl, chances are they’re NOT going to be friends, and he’s never going to call her again. But with these gay guys that I knew, there was none of that courtship bullshit that accompanies straight relationships. They seemed to be just having a good time.
Meanwhile I was having a lot of awkward, stupid relationships with girls, and didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I didn’t really know if the girls felt any attraction to me, and I didn’t just go right ahead and ask them because my dad had always told me you “can’t do that.” According to my wise father, I was supposed to keep taking them out, keep having talks with them, keep buying them coffee, keep flattering them, and then if they liked me , “something would develop” and “we’d both know it.”
I couldn’t stand this concept. I didn’t feel like I had any connection or anything in common with any of these girls. I told my dad that I found these girls uninteresting and that I wanted real intellectual conversation, not small talk. And he told me, “all relationships start out with small talk.” This felt like a dagger in my heart, because I hate small talk. Also, I had been small-talking these girls in my life over and over and over again, and wondered, when is that “thing” going to “develop” that I kept hearing about. And here I was in college where “everyone gets laid,” and I wasn’t getting laid, because I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
Over the summer I developed very strong bonds with my friends, and found myself constantly wondering, “why can’t I have these kinds of relationships with girls?” Invariably, the bonds between my friends and I were cemented by us discussing our bitterness and confusion about…girls! My best friend had dated some very attractive girls on-and-off through the year, but was now totally dissilusioned with the dating scene and began to tell me the same things that I had always personally believed myself.
And it was all this, that led me to post my wish that I was gay - and my various troubles connecting with women.
I guess I just need to give it time.
There is a certain doppler effect to life. It approaches you very slowly at first, until suddenly there is a flurry of dizzying experiences, and then eventually you look back over your shoulder in wonder at how it zoomed by so fast. Embrace it all, even the confusion. If you don’t, you’ll wish later that you did.
We all do understand that a 19 year old who didn’t think more about sex than conversation, would more likely, be considered strange?
Argent Towers, as I said in the other thread, but now, with, I hope, more compassion, that the angst that all young adults feel can get in the way of honest relationships.
You sound like an intelligent, fairly insightful, young man.
Its your father who is the shallow misogynist. Sure, telling anyone what they want to hear will make them happy, until, of course, they find out they’ve been lied to and used.
Your father isn’t looking for a long- term relationship, because he is broken.
You, on the other hand, are simply not fully assembled.
Hearing that, should infuriate you, but not for the reason you give. A parent should never teach their child to lie.
You aren’t pandering to a girl’s selfishness. You’re lying to get what you want. You want what you want. The young woman has her own desires, whether they match yours or not. She is simply trusting you have an honest interest in her whole self, not her hole self.
I know, you feel like you need to race to adulthood, but believe me, all too soon you’ll be trying to find the break to slow life down.
If you truely would like, eventually, to have a healthy relationship, you need to start looking at women as equals. If you stop looking at each woman as a potential sex partner, and instead, look for honest, friendly interaction, you’ll find someone to love.
Stop pretending to be interested, and find the interesting things in each person you meet. What’s the worst that can happen? You’ll have some friends.
Your father may never understand this.
I was married to a man very much like your discription. Now that he’s old, he’s in a miserable marriage, he still cheats on his wife, and the rare times that we talk, he tells me what a mistake he made allowing me to go. I was the closest he ever came to having a female friend. He still doesn’t understand that I left him. That I had free will.
I am now married to the love of my life, and my best friend. He would say the same.