I wish I was GAY

I wish I was gay.

I have strong, and constant, sexual desire for women, and yet I do not like hanging out with them. When I spend an evening with my male friends, talking and joking and carrying on, there is a real intellectual bond that is more powerful than anything I’ve ever felt with a girl. Simply put, and I know I’m using a “broad brush” here, women and men do not like to talk about the same things.

I’m sick of going on dates or get-togethers with girls and having forced, insincere, petty bullshit conversation. I hate small talk and flirtation. And I hate not being able to have no-strings-attatched sexual hookups with girls. A guy has to take them out, spend money on them, have stupid conversations with them, flatter them and compliment them…and even then, after all that, sex is not guaranteed. You can’t just say, “I think you’re attractive, and if you think I’m attractive, would you like to hook up?” This is something widely practiced by gay men (granted, it’s promiscuous and can be risky, but at least it’s HONEST) and never, ever practiced by straight people.

I know that if I wanted to have a lot of random sex, I could get into the whole “party scene,” but I hate the party scene. I hate the loudness, the harshness, the over-agressive assertiveness of the whole thing, and the alcohol-fueled social interaction. I hate drunk girls (and guys.) The whole thing is just a huge turnoff for me and not sexually appealing at all.

All the gay guys my own age that I know seem to have an absolutely no-bullshit attitude towards sex. They have no elaborate courtship rituals and they have 100% honesty about sexual interaction. For me, being gay would be the best thing ever. Instead of having to hang out with girls (who I feel I am socially incompatible with) in order to get laid, I can be around guys! It’d be like any other evening with my friends, except we could have sex! None of the constant boy-girl tension and being on different mental/emotional wavelegnths.

And yet, I have absolutely no sexual attraction towards men. None whatsoever. Not the slighest bit. I wish there was a tiny glimmer of arousal when I saw a handsome and well-toned male physique, but there is none. I’m still straight. And I’m still going to have to settle for the straight dating life, which I hate. God dammit.

Hate to bust yer bubble there Argent Towers but not all gay men are into “hook ups.” Guess what? I’m a gay guy and just because a man asks me out to dinner and a movie, that does not mean I’m jumpin’ into bed with him! Imagine that! I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a year now. We went out for about two months before any sex happened. That even included dinner at each others homes. Don’t count on being gay as an automatic ticket to hot sweaty sex whenever you want it.

Well, in all fairness, swampbear, casual sex is a common enough practice in gay circles that it IS available IF you want it…and Argent Towers clearly does (would).

Have you considered moving to Nevada? :dubious:

Yes, you can. Yes it IS practiced by straight people.

Seriously, if you’re only taking girls out b/c you want to sleep with them at the end of the night, why on earth would you expect good conversation as well?

Is it really? Are there straight equivalents to gay “bath houses” and the “cruisy areas” I read about in Dan Savage’s books? If there are, tell me where they are. And I already said I don’t like the party scene, so don’t say “just go to a frat party” or something like that.

I’m talking about honest, no-bullshit, straight hookups. “Want to have sex” to a stranger and a simple yes or no answer.

Well, since you didn’t say in your first post that this was the type of thing you were looking for, perhaps my answer isn’t what you wanted. You only said “no strings attached” not “no strings attached with absolute strangers.”

I’ve never had a good friend that was a girl. I’m totally incompatible with them.

I mean, I was always able to have a girlfriend. I can interact with them on that level, but I’ve never had friends that were girls like some guys do.

I consider myself fortunate in that regard.

If it’s any consolation, I wish you were gay, too. :wink:

swampbear’s right that, despite appearances, sexual openness and no-strings hookups are not so widely practiced among gays. I wouldn’t doubt that three can be some social wierdness that goes with it where it does exist, too. Some people may actually get offended at your characterization, but I suspect it is the case that gay men, in general in this society, are less torturously traditional about sex and the rituals that surround it.

The social modes that we have for males and females, to act differently, think differently, and make differnet use of emotions in social context have made me wonder, too, how men and women ever manage to get together. There seems to be a disconnect between the idea that I’m looking for someone with whom I have things in common, and that women and men are ‘supposed’ to act so differntly. But then, I’ve noticed that the people I get along with best are often straight guys. To what extent this is due to me just not knowing very many gay people, or to gay guys having their own social modes distinct from straight guys, I’m not sure.

Whatever the case, my position as a gay male isn’t all that much more successful than the one you express above; I’ve had more crushes on straight guys, and more straight friends say 'You know, if you were a girl…" than I’ve had even abortive realtionships with gay guys.

In short: it may not be enough for you to be gay. Maybe you need to wish for your frineds to be gay, too. :wink:

Look around, AT, it’s out there. Look for swinger’s clubs and open marriage type folks – subscribe to sexually-oriented magazines and skim the ads in the back. I’ve known a fair share of straight girls who wanted sex-only hookups.

I mean, fuck, this is the era of the Internet. What you want is available, you just have to look for it.

My god, I have never read such a shallow piece of drivel in all my years on the Dope.

You don’t want to have to talk to someone, but you want their vagina to stick your dick into?

Go buy a blow-up doll.


This thread reminds me of the Simpsons scene where Marge is trying to explain to the clueless Homer that his new friend is gay.

Marge: He prefers the company of men!
Homer: Who doesn’t?


Well, if you read Dan Savage, just consider what he’d probably tell you. Guys write in complaining about not finding girls who will tie them up; he tells them to go to a web site devoted to getting tied up. A guy wants to be pissed on, he suggests a being pissed on web site. Such is the wonder of the internet. And if all that is out there, there are certainly “I just want to get laid” web sites. There are also the personal ads that run in the sort of papers that Dan Savage and, indeed, The Straight Dope appear in.

Of course there’s the risk of running into “professionals” which is probably not what you want (although if you have the cash it would certainly solve your conversation problem). But there are also plenty of woman who also just want sex and are willing to ask for it.

This was your first statement. You “talk” to women here about things you talk to your male friends about, I suspect.
You simply aren’t continually distracted by our “parts”
You don’t want to talk to women, you only want them to gratify you.
Maybe when you’ve recovered from your period of teenage angst, you’ll be ready to be seen in public. Until then, “talk to the hand.”

By all means, spare women the experience of going on a date with you, and just hire a prostitute already. They exist for men with needs like yours.

You need to meet some more interesting women.

Take me, for example. I talk about video games (my #1 hobby), science, science fiction, movies, philosophy, and “which is better, Pepsi or Coke?”.

Go meet some women you have interests in common with, not some drunk tube top at a bar.

Argent Towers, sweetheart, from that post you do not sound like a gay man, you sound like a misogynist.

I am not saying you ARE a misogynist, I am saying that that post crossed a line which made you appear to be one. Just so we’re clear, I am NOT insulting you personally, I’m saying that your post was rather ill considered in its tone.

You have managed to stereotype ALL women and ALL gay men in the one post, and in ways neither group appreciates.

I have a feeling this will go pitwards…

Let’s see if we can keep it civil and avoid that. There’ve been some angry-sounding responses so far, but I think we can give 'Towers the benefit of the doubt for a bit. After all, who hasn’t:

  • Felt like they didn’t have much in commmon with people of the other gender?
  • Felt they didn’t communicate well, socially, with the opposite gender?
  • Wanted to be among a pool of people you had a chance of forming a sexual relationship with one of?
  • Noticed the stereotype of acceptance of casual sex among gay men?
    I don’t think the OP is a misogynist. He’s a guy who, like many guys, finds it easier to relate to the men around him than the women around him, but is sexually attracted to women. Half of the bad stand-up comedy routines I’ve seen are about this very situation.

And he’s seen the advantages of leaving the breeder life behind. :wink:

Nope, I have to disagree with wolfstu and agree with irishgirl. It’s not that he has communication problems with women, he said he does not like talking to them. He didn’t say he doesn’t have much in common, he said he didn’t like them. He just wants to fuck them. He wishes he didn’t have to speak to them at all except to say, “Wanna fuck?”

Sounds much less like a “communication problem” and much more like misogyny. If this was the pit I’d tell him exactly who he could go fuck without any strings attached.

Yeah. They’re called BARS.