I pit my own heterosexuality.

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve always been the type of guy that gay guys fall head-over-heals for. I can’t count the number of times a gay friend or acquaintance has begged me to “switch teams.” I get along with the gay community very well, and they happily accept me. And it doesn’t hurt that I can cook up a storm, either. :wink:

On the other side of the coin, I’m completely oblivious when any woman hints that she has some sort of interest in me. I’ve missed a lot of opportunities because I didn’t pick up the hints. Basically, a woman has to flat out tell me, “I like you.” The gay men who have hit on me don’t drop hints. They tell me straight to my face.

I’ve discussed this with my friends and they agree: Gay men tend to be more overt than women when it comes to expressing interest in another person. Why this is true is not to be argued here; only that it seems to be generally agreed upon.

So then I realized that my romantic life would be so much easier if I was gay. I wouldn’t have so many long dry spells, and I think I would be in healthy, more understanding relationships.

But alas, I’m not gay. I have no physical attraction to men. And it’s not something I’m willing to “try out,” either. I’m adventurous, but not that adventurous. :stuck_out_tongue:

Why is this in the BBQ Pit? Simple. My inexorable attraction to women is preventing me from living a healthy, active dating life. Not to mention that sexual activity every once in a while would be nice, too. :smiley:

So has anyone else noticed this about his or herself? Share your tragic stories of living a heterosexual lifestyle here.

Adam

2

I was 23 without ever having a girlfriend. I’m now 24, it’s tragic. You atleast have someone hitting on you. It may be guys, but atleast it’s someone.

3

Maybe if you just did a little research on what the specific “hints” of an interested female might be?

A simple google search came up with this

4

Thank you for the link, dreamer, but it led to little more than a teaser for a “get the girl immediately” scheme as well as links to penis enlargement materials. In any event, I appreciate your search.

Adam

5

My own Google™ search led to this article. I’m not sure how well it works. Sounds kinda like the guy is saying, “Be an asshole, and you’ll get the girl.” I dunno.

6

So, Agent Foxtrot. How you doin’?

Eh, it had to be said sooner or later.

Really, though, I didn’t read the article you linked to, but if you got that impression from it, it’s probably the same thing I’ve read a thousand other times in a thousand different places. There’s all kinds of advice about being a “player” and it’s all fake and it just makes guys unhappy because they know on a fundamental level that they don’t really want to be a player.

But what it all boils down to is the oldest thing in the book: confidence. There’s a reason you hear it so many times that it all sounds useless; it’s because it’s true. When you give off the vibe that you’re comfortable with yourself, it attracts other people. It’s as simple as that.

From what I’ve seen, there’s not all that much difference between gay guy dating and heterosexual dating. You still have the nervousness, the “is he thinking the same thing I’m thinking,” the mixed signals, all that. The only real difference: guys being guys, they tend to be more direct about sex, and tend to be more aware of the difference between sexual attraction and emotional attraction. That’s it.

So here’s how I’d assess your situation: You’re attracting gay guys, even though you have absolutely no interest in gay guys. You’re not attracting women, even though you’re very much attracted to women. Sounds to me that when you’re around guys, you know that there’s no chance of anything ever happening, so you let your guard down, you’re less nervous, you’re more comfortable with yourself, and you’re just more attractive. When you’re around women, you’re constantly aware of don’t fuck this up!!!, so you get nervous and shy, you stop being direct, and you move yourself into the friend zone.

Remember that there is a lot of middle ground between skeezy lecherous asshole sexual harrassment guy, and “I love you like a brother” guy. There’s nothing wrong with showing – and telling – a woman that you’re interested in her. Everything in your head will tell you you’re coming on too strong, but remember that you’re not getting anywhere doing what you’re doing now, so you’re clearly not coming on strong enough. Don’t wait for women to come to you; find one you like and let her know. Don’t let it immediately go into the friend zone. Compliment her, and keep it genuine. Keep eye contact. Make appropriate body contact (touch her shoulder, or her hand). Don’t second-guess yourself.

Be confident – keep thinking: what’s the worst that could possibly happen? You get rejected, and you end up alone. How is that worse than what you have now?

7

You are obviously, like me and many other culturally and culinarily capable men, one of the Lost Crane Brothers*. Join us.

*as in Niles and Frasier, not as in some obscure martial arts stance.

8

BINGO!

That’s how I’m reading it, too. Also, just to be sure nobody reads anything into this: I’M NOT GAY!

9

Well, if one doesn’t work, you always have the other to fall back on! :smiley:

Seriously, my assessment is very much the same as the esteemed Mr. Grundy’s – with the added suggestion that you might find it better to get into a fairly good comfort zone with a woman in whom you’re interested, then relax and “let it all hang out” (metaphorically, of course! :eek: ) – if you two are as comfortable with each other as your assessment indicates, she’s not going to be upset or offended by your being honest about your feelings – quite the contrary – whether or not she responds in kind.

10

Now, if you were gay, you’d have the social skill and the emotional sensitivity to pick up on a woman’s subtle hints. So, all you’d have to do to get women is become gay.

Simple.

Actually, there’s a better solution. Go on the prowl (for women) with your gay male friends. They’ll let you know when a woman’s interested in you. They’ll even initiate things for you and make sure to do all the right things like buy flowers and leave a short poem on her car windshield. All you need to do is to give the guys long warm embraces and look teary eyed when you tell them how much you appreciate their friendship.

Yes, this is all stereotypes and not always true. But it is true.

Peace.

11

Thing is, with gay guys, there’s no one who’s culturally scripted to make the first move - genderwise, both parties are on a level playing field. So even if you’re shy, a gay guy who wants to get into your pants can take up the initiative to ask you out.

But with straight folks, it’s the guy who’s still supposed to play the pursuer, at least a little bit. Sure, some girls may be willing to play the aggressor, but even the modern, feminist types still often like to be the one who’s pursued.

So you’re the one who oughta be acting forward; don’t expect anything more from women than subtle hints. You have to put yourself out there, introduce yourself, ask if they want to get coffee, and so on. You’re, by dint of your having a penis, put in to the role of the pursuer. So, like, face your fear of rejection, and get yourself some tail.

12

LMAO, Why is it that when ever we straight guys post in a gay thread we always have to make the disclaimer; “I"M NOT GAY…”
NOte this isn’t a slam on you NoClueBoy, I do the same thing myself…

13

:cool:

14

Not only heteros, some Gay people are simply oblivious to subtle come-on’s.

When I was single, I would go out with my friends to Gay bars and friends would have to point and draw pictures on napkins to let me know that good looking guy in the corner was trying to come on to me.

On the other hand, I never had the “freak magnet” quality that some of my friends had…they would attract any wacko within 100 miles who would not stop approaching them.

To the OP. Nice to hear you aren’t wigged out by Gay guys coming on to you. In my younger days going out with my hetero friends to bars, I used to have quite a few women come on to me. Didn’t bother me at all, and 99% of them got a good laugh that they would finally screw up the courage to talk to a guy and he had to be the one Gay guy in the place. (BTW, in NYC the women usually said, “figures.”)

15

Agent Foxtrot, I have a fetish for inexperienced straight guys. Got a picture posted anywhere? I’m one het short of my toaster oven.

16

Why don’t you take a cue from your gay friends and approach women the way gay men approach you? Instead of trying to read hints like some passive participant in the play, take the lead role and say your line to her. Let her know you’re interested in her and ask her if she feels the same way.

17

Who said anything about inexperience? :cool:

18

Ha. Agent Fox (may I call you Muldur?), you are my new favorite doper.

19

Actually, you did — unless by “not something I’m willing to try out”, you meant “something that I have tried out”. :dubious:

20

I thought lissener meant that I was inexperienced in general. I get it now. :eek:

Adam