Ok so I know the “joke” is that all the good guys are either taken or gay, and that women typically get along fabulously with gay guys. But my question is actually a bit serious.
So I’m posing the following question to all our lady dopers: would you be interested or open minded to dating a guy who had been exclusively gay his entire life, but for whatever reason, has decided that he wants to try to start dating a woman? This (hypothetical) gay male has no dating, romantic or sexual experience with a woman, so while he’s not quite a virgin he might as well be in many ways.
For the purposes of the question, assume that he’s sincere, really wants to give it a go, but isn’t quite sure if it’s right for him or not but definitely wants to try it to see if it could work.
What would be your concerns, questions, feelings on this situation?
Hetero guy here. I suspect that no matter how attractive a guy was I think most women would be a bit suspicious that a solidly gay man (not even bi) now wants to “try out” dating women. That’s not really the way sexuality works. If I was a woman I’d be highly suspicious there’s a ploy involved.
I would not. I think relationships can be difficult enough as it is without adding the wrinkle of having one of the two participants be working against their natural sexual inclination.
By dating do you mean including kissing and a little touchy-feely? No, I wouldn’t want to be somebody’s experiment. But if I liked the guy I’d want to hang out with him as a friend.
I would not, but would happily do date-like things and wing-man for a gay guy. I’ve had a couple girlfriends who were attracted to gay men and dated several. One was just incredibly open to love, the other may have over-estimated her appeal and ability to “change” men to suit her agenda. I would definitely encourage honesty and frequent weather reports just to avoid potentially breaking someone’s heart for the sake of an experiment.
From bitter experience of the opposite side - having a long-term lesbian relationship with a woman who was much more straight than bi - I wouldn’t recommend it.
My ex loved me and wanted plenty of sex with me, but just didn’t really* fancy** me. The romantic side felt lacking and we ended up being more friends than lovers. It’s hard to point to anything as evidence, I just didn’t feel the intensity of emotion you get from a partner who has the genuine hots for you, and it made me feel quite lonely.
*Do Americans use the term ‘fancy’? It just means to be attracted to someone.
But it can’t be forced through a simple ‘decision’, which is what the OP seems to be suggesting. My current girlfriend decided to try a summer of going straight when she’d had the run around from a couple of exes back in her college days and had decided she was sick of women. It was a laughable failure. She tried having sex with a guy and just laughed her way through it (poor guy).
I think it would be difficult to be emotionally invested in a relationship when you knew the other person was gay and had been for a very long time. I’d be quite happy to go out as friends but I would always be kind of expecting them to dump me at a moment’s notice when some hot guy came along and took their fancy!
Assuming of course they are gentlemen, then being ‘gay’ would be irrelevant.
The stereotype of homosexual men being more nice is so far from the truth it’s sickening.
Gay men constantly abuse their social status as the ‘trustworthy’ male because they are supposedly only attracted to other men.
You see it in the office where men give shoulder massages to women, and it’s acceptable, because he’s gay.
Or the flirtatious nature of conversation between the wom and man, but that’s ok he’s gay.
Or the sharing of intimate details about a woman’s relationship with her boyfriend - relationship counseling - which would be considered awkward and inappropriate, unless of course the man is gay.
Or the fact that on a ‘girls night out’ gay men are allowed because they are gay <— isn’t that saying the man is less manly?
However the underlying issue there, regardless of sexual preference, is that women like to get attention from only certain men. If you aren’t attractive to them, then you lose either way.
Ultimately it’s foolish and naive to assume a gay man is acting any more appropriate than a straight one.
The way you’ve presented it the scenario sounds a little like “hey, do you wanna help me with my science project?” And I wouldn’t.
In the unlikely event that a heretofore gay man indicated that he was wildly and irresistibly attracted to ME and I found him attractive I might be willing to try a few dates. But probably not.
In my dating days, I probably would have. I was never one to shy away from relationships with big red flags. But even if he really loved me, I probably would have sabotaged the relationship. I would be constantly afraid that it is all an act, he isn’t attracted to me, his boner is not an indication that he is attracted to me.
My self-esteem issues tended to really only rear their ugly heads with respect to my relationships.
Hetero woman. I’ve learned this: the thing about gay guys is that they might be your best friend in the world, but the minute a hot guy walks into the room you become less than nothing. That’s not what dating’s for and not something anyone should put up with. Gay men are gay for a reason: they find men more important than women.