It’s not fair. By the time girls started liking me romantically, I knew I was gay and had to make up a bunch of excuses to turn them away. Now, finally there is a girl that likes me that I can actually get along with. She actually is willing to just be friends.
But I fucked it up. I love her. She’s been gone for a day and I miss her already. I want her to come back to Vegas with me next semester and we would get an apartment together. I want to live with her and grow to love her even more. If things were different, I could easily see myself marrying her and living happily ever after.
But I’m gay. What a sick fucking way for everything to turn out. How many people meet someone perfect for them that they know they can never really be with. She might not feel as strongly as I do, but I know she loves me too. She had a crush on me, and we could have gone out on a couple dates, then decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We could have begun building a beautiful lasting perfect relationship. Why the fuck can’t it be like that?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad to have her as a best friend, but I just wish we could be more. It’s not fair that I love her so much and want so badly to be with her, but realize deep down that it just doesn’t work that way. I want to be straight for her and us. We would be so happy. This sucks.