When I got into the shower this morning, I noticed it. There it was, plain as day: a ring. Not just any ring, but one perfectly formed to the shape of my tub, as if it had been carefully planned and executed by a steady hand.
There were no footprints in or out of the bathroom, so I knew it couldn’t possibly be a hoax. The rest of the bathroom was unmarked as if it hadn’t been entered since I went to bed the night before.
No human could have created such an intricate pattern without waking me. The human tools necessary to create such a thing are too noisy to have been used in the dead of night without waking anyone. Also, no human could have finished such time-consuming work prior to dawn. It would have taken the average person three years to create this display. The doors and windows were locked, so whoever made these tub circles, must have “beamed” themselves into my house like something from Star Trek.
And that’s not where it ended. Upon entering my living room, I noticed a complex series of perfect circles on my coffee table. These table circles are about four to five inches in diameter and geometrically perfect. Some of them overlap, but a couple are set off from the others. Again, it’s clear that no human hand was involved in the creation of these elaborate table formations. No fingerprints remained, indicating that the creator was a non-human entity who stole into my home while I was sleeping.
But why? What is the purpose of these mysterious circles? After carefully studying the table circles, I have come to the conclusion that they form a complex map. They seem to have been put there to lead the extraterrestrials in to the larger, and more significant circle in the bathtub. I believe this circle can be seen from satellites orbiting our planet. It’s clearly a signal to other extraterrestrials…perhaps those in transit. My current theory is that it’s being used as a beacon and a landing strip for alien beings. I believe they’re using the tub circle as a portal for entering and experimenting on Earth society.
Will we ever know for sure what the aliens intended by leaving this beautiful artwork on my coffee table here on Earth? Perhaps not. But one thing remains clear: They’re out there. We can’t ignore the evidence any longer.
-L
(Consequently, I used this argument for E.T. life in another thread and I was simply unable to let it die. I felt you all had to be subjected to it and I was afraid someone might have missed it the first time. Forgive me for plagiarizing my own lame jokes.)
Oh my God! SexyWriter, I’ve had that happen at my place too! I was afraid to tell anyone before now because it sounds so crazy!
And have you ever noticed little things around your place move seemingly on their own while you sleep? My car keys often travel from the end table by the door (where I leave them every night when I get home) to other places in the house where I don’t recall leaving them. Sometimes I find the keys in my pant pocket or on the coffe table instead of the end table. The only explanation for this is that something disturbed me from my sleep, took me out of my apartment (thus needing my keys - it seems aliens are very thoughtful when it comes to locking up behind them), and when I was returned to my bed with my memory wiped clean, they accidentally put the keys somewhere besides the usual resting place. This has to be what happens, cuz I know I didn’t leave my keys anywhere else but on the end table.
Other evidence that I’ve been abucted is the classic “lost time” phenomenon. I will be sitting at home, minding my own business, playing Playstation, watching TV, whatever, when suddenly I notice the time on the wall. Sometimes it’s up to an hour later than I thought it was! Where did that hour go? The only possible explanation is that the aliens returned and wiped my memory after their visit.
I’m behind you on this, SexyWriter. Let the others scoff, but we know the truth.
And the refrigerator empties out by itself!!! I certainly don’t remember eating all of this food that I just know was there yesterday! I’ve got to have some leftover pasta or chicken in there! It was just there!
And the house was just clean two days ago! Where’d all those dirty dishes in the kitchen come from? I certainly didn’t use them all!
[sub]Geez, this is some good rationalization…wish I’d thought of it first.[/sub]
SexyWriter, have you considered the possibility that the ring in your bathtub is residue left behind by dirty bathwater? Or that the circles on your coffee table are stains from drinks or cereal bowls?
Crunchy Frog, maybe I could suggest that you really have left your keys where you left them, you just don’t remember. And the apparent “lost time” you’re experiencing really means you’re so engrossed in the game or TV show that you don’t notice how much time has passed.
LindyHopper, yours is easily explained as well. Some theorists have learned of the existence of “icebox elves” (named before the invention of refrigerators) from a parallel universe coexisting with ours. Icebox elves can manifest corporeally in our universe, but only (of course) in the vicinity of freon.
The trip between universes makes an elf pretty hungry, so they help themselves to whatever they find in the 'fridge they land in. It’s easy to see all the food because the light never goes out; the power companies just want us to think the light goes out. So the elves gorge themselves and track mold all over the cheese (mold sticks to your shoes like mud in the Elf Universe), then they go back home.
Oh, and when your car air conditioner starts making that loud rattling noise in the summertime? That happens when an icebox elf makes a wrong turn and gets stuck. When you take it to the service station to get it fixed, they quietly throw the little corpses into an oil drum behind the shop. This is known in the business as “elf service.”
I find strange layers of powder that accumulates on every flat surface of my house! And there are also these long, thin strands of fibers that appear in corners, especially in the basement. Sometimes they are attached on both ends, while other times one end dances magically in the sun.
I have a lead, though. I think they are also responsible for the messages that materialize in the little box on a post next to the street. These messages insist that I need little plastic cards of some sort, presumably they are used for mind control or as tracking devices. But through keen observance I’ve noted that nearly all these messages have the symbol “Wilmington, DE” on them. If we can decipher this mysterious message, I theorize it could lead us to the alien’s headquarters.
My aliens are always leaving books for me. Books, books, books on all the shelves and tables and spilling onto the floors. NOBODY could ever buy or read so many books,books,books.
And is the subject of said books, strange, fantastical stories that could never take place on Earth? Do the books involve people who never existed on this planet? Do they tell tales so outrageous that they could only have occurred in a different solar system?
Sometimes, when I get up in the morning and go to use the toilet, there’s already crap in it. And it looks as though it’s been sitting in the bottom of the toilet all night long. Someone or something is using my toilet during the night. The least they could do is flush!
I also have the refrigerator problem, but there seems to be a biological experiment going on way at the back of the bottom shelf. It is in some sort of marked alien containment unit, evidently from the planet “Tupperware”. I’ve called the NSA, but they just ignore me.
I’ve noticed that every night, my PC screen is clearly visible before I go to bed, yet every morning, it is dark. It is almost as if an alien presence were sucking the energy out of it while I sleep. Moving my mouse seems to scare the aliens away, and the monitor has enough power to light up again.
The aliens require water to survive, just as we do. They obviously drink from my fish tank, since every few days I have to add more water to bring the level back up.
This same thing happens to my hot tub! Every couple of weeks, the water level has gone down far enough that I have to add more! It’s just inexplicable! Those are some busy aliens (or elves, whatever).
Oh, and Fiver, the elf explanation for the missing food in my fridge I can buy, but how is it possible that Crunchy Frog just forgets where he leaves his keys or becomes engrossed in his PlayStation game, or that SexyWriter leaves cereal bowls and cups on her tables or a ring in her bathtub? That’s just crazy talk!
I don’t have a fish tank, so they’ve rigged all my faucets to drip, constantly. I can put new washers in and even grind the valve seats and a day or two later they’ve snuck in and reversed all my hard work.
They’re also apparently very fond of magazines and newspapers, and leave them all over the living room during the night.
I think I’ve got a lead though. At least two of them appear to be using my house as a mail drop. One of them is named * Occupant* and another is named Resident, and I occasionally get mail addressed to someone named Our Neighbors At.
Better check your sock drawer! Aliens feed on socks. They apparently require one sock of each pair, and are highly selective regarding quality. The end result is a sock drawer full of single socks, with a few ratty pairs in the corners.
Another thing: They obviously like round objects, as they leave circles everywhere. They leave these silver 5" circle things that, when you aim a beam of light at them, make noise. Not talking, but rhythmatic sounds that aren’t even the English language (at least, on the ones they leave me).
How can a beam of light make strange sounds? That’s impossible.
Are you sure they’re not ghosts? I get those too, but mine our always accompanied by breaking out in goose bumps. The bathroom air is freezing cold and the tiles are really cold to the touch.
I think you’re missing the point, Rachelle…as Crunchy said, these are thoughtful aliens! As unpleasant as it is to find that your bathroom has become an overnight intergalactic pitstop, think about how much worse it would be to actually hear the thing flush at 3am?!? :eek:
Now, aren’t you happier knowing this?
Paul
BTW - I used to blame my cats for all the strange goings on in my house during the night. Now you guys have awakened me to the obvious truth…my cats are aliens!
Then it must be ghosts responsible for my missing crocuses.
When I came out this morning the air was eerily cold, and the crocuses growing next to my front steps (and indeed the entire lawn) were missing! They has been entirely replaced by an otherworldy substance of white, cold fluffiness.
Shivers ran down my spine, and I instinctively knew that we had been “visited” during the night. It was a truly chilling experience!
Obviously these are the same fiends who keep putting holes in my socks. And misplacing one shoe from every pair I own. And taking all my ball point pens. And hiding my TV remote. Even though they really annoy me, I have to say I admire their work ethic. I mean, they get a hell of a lot done.
Hot damn! Caught the bastards! Came home this past tuesday to find an alien craft embedded in my house. Either that or someone’s Flux Capaciter™ seized up at an inopportune moment…
