Unless you had some kind of legally recognized contract that the tickets you bought were to be offset by the tickets he bought, you’re in the wrong.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
That thread is nine (9) years old. You were being negative toward me in that thread too, all those years ago. Funny. Thanks for following me all these years, I appreciate your interest!
I don’t get why you’re still digging at me in this thread, bringing up years-old threads to somehow damage my character – when I have already paid the guy the money (like I have said multiple times here so far). Is it entertaining for you to scour past posts to find things you don’t like then bring them up years later in the current thread?
This quote from the NYE thread sums it up:
The problem is, life isn’t perfectly even. Being a friend or having a relationship shouldn’t be about keeping inventory. Also - gift giving should be done with no strings attached. It took me a lot of years to learn to gracefully accept receiving gifts because anything I’d ever been given had later been used as something to hold over me or berate me about. I am fortunate to have (and to have had) a number of extremely giving people in my life over the last ten - fifteen years with no expectations beyond making me happy while understanding the gestures could not be returned in kind. That was a really hard lesson for me, and the attitude in this thread is but one example why.
The less difficult lesson for me was that when you give something to someone you do so freely, without expectations. It does not matter what the other person does or does not do. Giving is a choice you make, not a way of controlling someone else.
Nope. For those who don’t want to read through a long thread, I was concerned about the kids because their mom was spending their child support on herself, her other 3 kids, and her boyfriend. She didn’t work, her live-in boyfriend didn’t work, and her only income was the kids’ child support, so it was being spread 8 ways instead of 3. They were being neglected and not getting the use of their support. Of course I was concerned for their welfare. Stop trying to make me look bad for caring about these kids who were being neglected and abused.
I’m not sure you do understand. The original comment was about people being together for a short time spending $700 on gifts.
Your response was about a long term event.
Exactly. Never ever keep tabs. Ever. It can only lead to resentment and frustration. Good friends don’t keep score. And if you give more than you receive, well, them’s the breaks. You don’t give with the expectation of reciprocation. Never. At least not in my philosophy. This has made me a happy person.
So nice of you to point out that you’ve kept the same crappy, money-obsessed, “it’s everyone’s fault but mine” behavior for the last nine (9) years with no change or growth? And you still characterize anything other than hugs and unconditional support as “being negative towards you” after nine (9) years?
Sorry, but I’m finding that much more sad than funny.
All questions about the tickets aside, it’s a fact that you’ll never get back the thank-you nookie you gave him for getting you tickets to your favorite artist.
Seriously people, for all the bitching and moaning about how terribly long the thread is, it’s only ~300 posts.
From that thread
Also from that thread
Nope–nothing there about money at all. And no ongoing pattern of behavior that’s reflected in this thread too. And no “It’s everyone’s fault but mine” behavior there either". It’s always someone else’s fault even after nine (9) years, you still don’t seem to accept any responsibility for anything.
I’m curious.
What was your motivation for spending the $300 dollars on his gift in the first place?
What exactly were you thinking at the time?
We can’t speak to him, but right now the only one looking bitter and butthurt here is you. He made an offer of a gift, conditions changed, he withdrew his offer. It’s not the peak of ethics, but it’s pretty minor in the scale of things.
You’re the only one making a huge deal of it. He agreed to sell you the tickets, you act like you wanted to renege on that deal but paid him because you say you’re a better person. If that’s the case, act like a better person, accept that the world doesn’t always work the way you want, and move on.
Maybe it’s just me, but if someone I was dating promised to take me someplace at a future time, I would automatically assume that the offer was rescinded if we broke up before that date occurred. I would have no expectation of him to do anything for me or give anything to me - especially something expensive.
I struggle to understand why someone would expect an ex from a brief relationship to feel obligated to make a financial sacrifice on their behalf. That’s not how it works, at least in my experience. When a relationship ends, you don’t get to keep the benefits.
Which is why, when Asimovian gets the 10 million for his car, I’m going to make sure he puts it into a joint account!
I was sort of wondering how things would have gone differently if it had been a long-term relationship instead of a very short-term one, and I came to the conclusion that when people break up, all bets are off. It would be nice if a guy would give his ex-girlfriend the tickets if they broke up after 3 years, but I wouldn’t expect it - people act all kinds of ways when relationships end.
I know. Crazy right? But he promised!
Gifts are not a financial transaction. Nobody owes anybody anything. If you want to buy the tickets from him after breaking up with him, it is a fresh new transaction and he has the right to ask whatever price he wants. $100 is fair; full facial value is fair; scalped price paid is fair; $1,000 is fair. He’s no longer your boyfriend, and any gifts you might have given him when he was are no longer on the ledger.
Legally speaking, a gift has only one condition, delivery. There’s no such thing as a promise to give a gift. So until you actually have a gift in your hands, you have nothing. And a gift isn’t conditional. Once you’ve delivered it, you can’t insist on getting something in return. Those are the basic differences between a gift and a contract.
So, you gave him a gift, tickets to a hockey game, which you delivered to him in February. Transaction complete.
He promised to give you a gift. Which, legally speaking, is nothing at all. He did not deliver the gift. Which means you got nothing. Then he rescinded his promise to give you a gift. That’s zero.
Then you asked for the tickets. He said he’d give them to you for $400. That’s a contract, a completely new transaction. The prior promise to give you a gift is irrelevant. That gift is gone, as if it had never existed. You agreed. He delivered on his obligation under the contract by giving you the tickets. However, you paid him only $300. Incomplete performance.
You owe him $100.
I promise you that at a future date, I will do that. My gift to you.
Nice summary and I agree with everything you wrote except the last line. She already paid him the $100.