This is the camp I’m in. Did she just finish telling you all her problems and then jokingly say “aren’t you glad you didn’t marry me?”, probably meaning that you would have been stuck with her problems too if you did get married.
She’s probing for something, and the conversational placement of a question like that ie “Aren’t you glad that we didn’t xxxxx”, if made by a man, is usually intended to get an affirmative “Yes! You’re so right! A major ass fucking was in the cards on that one! We dodged that bullet!” response, but women and their power packed personal questions often have multiple layers like a combination land mine and onion.
As times get difficult people’s thoughts often turn to places they can find emotional sustenance, and sometimes people will consider marriage toward this end. I think she wants to know if you’re really over the idea of marriage. Not that she necessarily wants to revisit the issue, she just wants to know if it’s even a remote possibility in her gedanken experiments of lifestyle possibilities.
So… who knows, I got nuthin’.
Two more:
- (non-commital sounding) “Meh. Why do you ask?”
- “Probably as glad as you.”
Thanks for the opinions. Just got back from the location less than an hour ago, so I’m a little tired. I think I’ll just keep the radar active to see if anything else turns up amd let the matter drop unless she brings it up again.
SeeNoReason: I don’t think it happened like that. Can’t remember though.
picunurse: Yeah, it would be a lot easier if people would just say what they mean. I reckon we guys are pretty dense, so women have to avoid subtleties. If she was actually probing.
Sounds to me like she was having a low point and just wanted to feel wanted.
If so, it is pretty cruel on you, but women are devil psychos from hell and chemically inbalanced in the head, so I don’t suppose she even considered your feelings.*
Of course, she may truely feel she’s made a mistake and want to get back with you, but that is something she should decide while happy with her life, and make the effort to court you back properly, and explain her feelings, rather than expect you to be all positive about one cryptic remark. I would have joked about it like you, but if she brings it up again I would ask her about it straight.
- Not that I’m currently bitter towards women or anything.
This reminds me of a movie date with my Cheatin’ Ex. At that particular time and place, two years after my one-way ticket to Dumpsville, there was no-one else I particularly wanted to go see ST VI: The Undiscovered Country with, and as it happened CE had just been dumped by the guy she’d spent a year and a half trying to get to marry her.
So there we were, watching an overage and overweight Shatner trying to cut it as Captain Kirk one last time (ignoring “Generations”) and she innocently remarked "you know, <workmate> said to me ‘I bet you end up finishing with “Steve” and marrying Malacandra’ ".
And I thought: uh-huh. :dubious: Sort of like Racer1’s observation about being all positive about one cryptic remark. Yup, women are queer fish all right.
Yeah, you see… certain women (see how I expertly diverted the onslaught there?), seem to think that only women have feelings, and consequently, they only think about how they are feeling. Men are supposed to just bumble around in a good-natured way thinking about football, sex, and DIY, and picking up the pieces.
The important thing is to be true to yourself, Johnny. Don’t let anyone treat you like s**t. If she was serious, it is up to her to show you and win you back. Until then, I would dismiss any enigmatic girl crap and get on with my own love life.
I’m thinking she’s realized that she had it good and perhaps returning the ring wasn’t the best decision she’s made in a while. And it’s easy to think that when you’ve been kinda demoted, you’re working tons of hours, and you’re seeing your ex succeeding in something he’s passionate about. It might have been a fishing expedition, as well - she might have been testing the “get back together” waters, depending on your response. But mostly I think that she’s down and wants some commiseration. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, and I think your response was just right. You gotta do what’s best for you, at this point, regardless of what she needs.
That said, it was pretty crappy to bring it up that way. Not that she’s heartless (well, okay, she is), but geez.
No, you absolutely CANNOT do that! slaps Johnny
Don’t fall into her game. It’s obvious this wasn’t an innocent joke, it’s a shitty thing to say and she did it to see your reaction. If she wants you let her spell it out to you and then you’ll take whatever amount of time you need to ponder…
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… ponder which is the nearest fire exit.
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That was very insightful! (see, I didn’t say"for a guy") It all has to do with each sex believing it is more superior, when in fact, we are equal. We have different stong and weak points but they balance. My opinion.
My husband and I are both very open and direct communicators. We don’t resort to the little “guess why I’m not speaking to you” games. Sometimes we shout. We can both have unreasonable expectations of each other, but then we both have unreasonable expectations of ourselves.
We talk. Sometimes it’s intimidating to speak one’s mind. We fear the reaction, but for us, not knowing the other’s feelings is worse than knowing they are different from our own.
Well said! That was kinda what I was trying to get at before I lapsed into the bitter and twisted thing. But then I am just a gu…
The point, I think, is that it should be something equal from both of you, not her (in this case) calling the shots.
Oh gosh, I had a male friend who was like this. He was a great guy who had a serious relationship with a girl who became my best friend. They break up, later on she gets married but every time they are in a situation together he would always say something stupid. Almost every time! For goodness sake, it didn’t work out, let it go!
A year or so after she gets married, he gets married. We’re having a group bbq at my best friends house with these two couples and in the midst of conversation he says to her “Well I should have married you then” !!! His wife was sitting right next to him !!! I don’t think anyone knew what to say. It was a joke but it was so not right!
I think you should have said, “No, I’m not glad at all” and just let it run its course from there. She was fishing for something, you can bet on that.