I knew three preachers’ wives - all had their own careers and none of them were plastic smilies - then again, I didn’t encounter 2 of them at their churches, so I could be wrong there. The third sang in the choir with me - she most definitely wasn’t an unpaid employee of the church.
Maybe I met the exception to the rule? Or maybe Episcopalians are different?
Hmm, my mother-in-law is a preacher’s wife (and, by the way, my wife is a preacher’s daughter) and they both seem perfectly well adjusted – although my wife is a bit of a potty mouth 
On the other hand, my father-in-law is mostly retired now, so I’m sure that makes her job of preacher’s wife a little less stressful.
I don’t think the problem is that you married a minister, I think the problem is that you married a self-centered jerk. You can find those in pretty much any profession.
I don’t know much about the situation in the Episcopalian church, FCM. All of the preachers’ wives I’ve known have been Baptist or Presbyterian. It truly does seem like those women and their husbands were on call 24-7, including having their child-rearing, dress sense, and career choices scrutinized by the whole congregation. And, to be fair, the women have, for the most part, handled the situation gracefully. But it’s not a situation I’d ever be willing to live with.
Of the preachers wives I know the ones living in urban areas seem to be able to have a separate career/life away from their husbands involvement with the church. In rural areas it is hard to get work, jobs are hard to find and the wives are percieved as already having a job.
How true that wasyalikethat? , the first year or two after the marriage I went on a bit of a bender, eating and drinking anything I could get my hands on. I don’t know if I was trying to prove a point, but I had been with him since I was 16 and never did the drinking till you threw up, sneaking into clubs and kissing lots of boys lifestyle, so I definetly made up for lost time. People who didn’t know me before hand thought I was the biggest party animal known to man. I went completely mad!!
Drugs came with that too, in a wicked way, but that didn’t last thank goodness!
Back on the market? I had never been on the market to start with. He was my first and I was a virgin on my wedding night (so was he), so I went from being sweet, innocent, inexperienced wifey, to dancing on the tables, gettin’ it on in the back seat babe!
I was 5 foot 10" , long blonde hair and legs up to my armpits, how do you think I went… very very well!
Now I’m in a committed relationship with someone very special, and have no desire to ‘work it’ with the world anymore, but shit I had a good time. I moved to a different state when I left him, so there were no communications with him or any of his family after I left, so I was a new face, in a new town, with no history it was fabulous!!!
Just before the split I had been having problems with my Faith, for many reason, but mainly because I had seen the church from behind the curtain that most don’t see. I had seen the meetings that made petty judgements on members of the church for the way they speak, the opinions they hold and their families, I had seen the huge focus on the $$$ and the raging ego’s that the leaders of the church threw around at each other. They really did have underlying ‘God complexes’ (?) that they could not see.
Members of the church had put them on such high regard that they had started to believe that they were invinceable and more.
I just finished reading about David Koresh and Waco and it scared me with the similarities. Why do you think so many new divisions or denominations begin? Because one man thought he new better. Egotistical bastards!!!
So I didn’t attend church for a few years, and could not even pick up a bible. The people I hung around did not encourage that anyway so it was easy. But I had a deep hatred for God and the church for a long time. After a while the hatred for God minimised, but the hatred for the church remained.
I started attending Church again, but to be honest I have never gotten the same love a devotion back that I once had. I had been given a gift now to see straight through people and leaders of a church now have no affect on me, they do not fill me with awe, or give me anything to look up to. I see them as lost, yet insecure wanna-be’s who are not content to be a member of a church. They must be the boss.
I now do not attend church, but the underlying fundamentals of being a Christian have stayed with me, and to me that’s what matters.
Once you see what I have seen it’s never the same again.
superstar: I just figured a little supportive flirting was in order:) I’m glad you’ve found someone, and congratulations on getting out of what certainly sounds like the marriage from hell.
I am sure this isn’t going to be popular, but here I go anyway.
There are a LOT of people who present themselves as Christians who have not grasped the essentials of true Christianity. Who are NOT Christians. It is not my place to make this determination, or to judge them. So I don’t, although I have opinions. Only God knows the heart of a man.
Just as there are politicians who lie, there are people who use Christianity to further their agenda…without really being Christians. Some of these people prey upon the faithful for personal gain. Some of them for power, some of them out of pure evilness.
I’m sorry that you married a man who wasn’t what he should have been…a beacon for my faith.
One of the things I have learned, through a long and sometimes difficult path, is that if one fixes their eyes on the men who purport to express God to the rest of us instead of fixing our eyes on God himself…one is almost certainly going to be disappointed. I am so sorry that you had this experience, and I pray that you find your own way back to God.
We (man and woman) are so imperfect, and some of us are more imperfect than others. It sickens me when someone uses my faith for personal gain or “justification” for heinous crimes. It hurts my heart. The inquisition comes to mind. That was NOT anything that was mandated by God. But it happened, and it was purportedly mandated by God. I do not believe it WAS, and I do not know how the people who did it justified it in their hearts. God allows evil to happen. I don’t understand why, but it apparently has to do with “free will”…the ability to decide your own fate.
So be it, I guess.
May you be happy, dear. I DO understand where you are coming from, and I know that if you love the Lord you CAN find a home where that is what matters. Not the rest of the junk you fled from.
ThanksScotticher , there is some truth in your words. You may notice I never made judgement on Christians or God, as I have met some beautiful, inspiring people throughout my years. And have had many blessings myself, but what I saw I can no longer turn a blind eye to. Maybe it is one particular denomination of the Christian faith, but I’m not sure I am so bold as to state that. But it was a Baptist church, and it was more than one.
My husband was Assistant Pastor and Pastor of 3 churches in total during our time together.
Say what you will???