I’m meeting my ex today for a movie and coffee and I can hardly believe how nervous I am. We either end up arguing and make a scene that embarrasses not only us but friends who’ve joined us or innocent waitresses wandering past, or we get rat-arsed and way too friendly which has a dramatic impact on myself esteem and morale for a good couple of weeks - and not in a nice way.
Am I being too optimistic to assume that we could maybe just have a nice meal like normal people and not end up horizontal? Should I just not even bother being friends and then risk all our mutual acquaintances blame me for the fall-out?
Did you break up recently?
Did you go straight from being lovers to trying to be friends?
If so, it’d be a good plan to cut ties for a while. Later on, when the old resentments and tensions have died down, you could try being friends again. Going straight from lovers to friends very rarely works.
It sounds like the fallout is already happening, so I don’t think anyone will blame you for not speaking to your ex for a while. See, you wouldn’t have to spit on his/her grave in order to (temporarily) stop trying to be friends. Just don’t see much of each other for a few months, and see what happens.
Let’s see… hmmmm…
You could go see this man and you have you choice of two outcomes…
A) Screaming hate match that makes you feel terrible.
-or-
- Icky ex-sex that makes you feel terrible.
You know what you should do. You really do. Do that.
And get new friends. (Oh yeah, like that’s gotten any easier since High School.)
-Rue.
I didn’t sleep with him, and no one shouted the whole evening. I think that’s progress, or maybe my standards are dropping…?
Yes, we were actually best friends before and I think the only reason that I try so hard to retain some sort of relationship , despite being rather hurt, is because I can be an overly-sentimental little girl, altho hardly anyone would suspect that.
In any case , I think that I’m unhappy enough with this arrangment to bitch and whine about it, but not unhappy enough to do something constructive to change it.
Apathy killed my social life.
Maybe he only looks at you as a “booty call” and the conversation erupts when he comes to the conclusion that he won’t be getting any.
That sounded harsh, but if you didn’t know that some men have the tendency to be to be shallow and decieving, I can think of no better time to tell you than in five minutes from now. (I better get a head start before they find out I squealed.)
Ex-sex is great. It is nice to get together with someone whom you feel comfortable with sexually. However, (isn’t there always a conjunction of some kind when giving bad advice?) you may regret it later. I say so what. Be a hedonist and enjoy life. If you don’t have fun now, when will you have fun?
HUGS!
Sqrl
I’d have to disagree, Sqrl. If she really is this worried about it then it’s not a good thing. Sex isn’t just pleasure, it should be the joy in sharing as well. If there’s no joy (God know I’ve been through some of that) then I think it’s actually a negative thing.
I’d say (like I’m some great advice giver) that psylocke should get some time away from the guy and sort things through. Maybe that’s the way to find the true meaning of the relationship. It certainly can’t be a duality of fight or sex. That’s just trouble with a capital T.
Definitely time away from the ex is called for. If you value your friendship with him, keep in mind that time away is probably better than time with him. If you don’t see him, you have time for both parties to calm down, get some perspective, etc. Spending time with him while both of you are still emotionally volatile only increases your chances of doing permanent damage to the relationship.
Jonathon Chance, I did say it was bad advice. I should put another disclaimer it seems. Sex is just pleasure. Nothing else. Making love on the other hand is all about sharing and mutual closeness. I may have read more into that than I should have. Sex is easy, fast, and often very one sided (ie, I don’t care as long as I get off, you can just go to hell). Sometimes that can be cleansing too. Making love is a whole other story. If she can separate the act of sex from making love than there shouldn’t be anything stopping her from the immediate pleasure that sex brings.
HUGS!
Sqrl
I’m going to have to agree with this, although I wouldn’t suggest that everyone do it.