Ex sues for custody falsely accused Mom of MSBP

Have any of you hear of a case where a dad refuses to believe his child has some of the symptoms within the Austism Spectrum Disorder to twihe point he accuses his ex-wife of “having” a mental illness that causes her to make her child sick…
to use the court as a means of harrassing, controlling, scaring, the mother into submission to his proposal: she is the custodial parent because he was arrested for CDV, broke into her house, and came on church property to show he could still get to her and the legal system can’t stop him if that is what he wants to do.

He wants joint custody instead of being visiting parent. He wants joint custody so he will not have to pay any more child support and he wants the child every other week to be on the same schedule as his 3rd wife’s children are so she can be the parent and he can continue to race and do his own thing with the extra money.

The child actually does have several syndromes confirmed by doctors and specialist. These are genetic and is not something someone can inflict on another. Since the problems were diagnosed and the child’s teachers were able to provide more accurate behaviors, his was diagnosed early enough that OT, Vision, Language, Axiety caused by having these issues were able to start redirecting some of the specialist recommended therapies to the correct therapy to treat the appropriate disorder.

The doctors rallied behind the mother, the mother took a battery of tests which did not show up any indicators of any mental illness, and the child has progress to the point some of the therapies are no longer needed, his IEP has been stopped at school, and his visual therapy’s success is showing up in his comprehension of what he seens and how it relates to what he is doing. An awesome kid, highly intelligent, has many interests which his Mother makes sure he gets involved in, and just passed his blue belt test at karate last night, voted most responsibile in the montessori school and was passed on to 5th grade. He golfs, boats, fishes, plays basketball on Upward Bound team, hunts with his grandparents, and plays chess (self-taught).

Because her ex-husband said she “had” it and has shared that with many people, she has been publically humiliated because people prefer to jump to her guilt because they can’t imagine a mother do something like that…SHE DIDN"T…she is in the medical field in occupational therapy and it is believed that mothers who do this terrible thing to their children are often in the medical field. Even doctors have been charged because they sought answers because they knew by experience something wasn’t right.

Children have been taken from mothers who were wrongfully charged and babies have died after having been taken from their mom…because autopsy has shown their was an underliying illness that the mother sensed but the doctors couldn’t find. Therefore it wasn’t found out until after the baby was in the care of DSS and not getting treatment and died.

Children of a parent who was a victim of Criminal Domestic Violence are made by the courts to visit the abusing parent. If the mother doesn’t make them go, then she is in contempt. The mothers usually live in turmoil over how to protect their children from these abusers who continue to abuse the child…mostly emotional abuse because the abuser knows that is hard to prove.

Any mother, father, caregiver would, I believe, have other mental illnesses that would alert someone of their ability to hurt their child. Yet the court knows the parental abuser of the child is going to emotional abuse the child like they did the mother, and that child is left with no defense. Those are the children, I believe, grow up hating everyone because no one helped them when they needed it, not even their Mom could protect them form abuse…so these kids are potentials for school shootings, mass shootings, suicide, etc.

We better be darn sure a mother or parent is guilty of trying to hurt their child instead of being that child’s champion and life line, before they start accuing her of having a terrible illness such as this.

Are there any cases anyone knows of where the mother was found
innocent, how long jailed, age of child when returned to her?

We should all be furious with anyone that makes a false accusation such as this.

This is better suited to IMHO than GQ.

Colibri
General Questions Moderator

Yeah, thanks so much Colibri. :smiley:

Your OP is not all that clear, julia. But to answer what I think are your questions - denial about diagnosis of Autism-spectrum conditions and particularly Aspergers (hey - the kid’s smart - how can there possibly be anything wrong with them?) is unfortunately all to common in family members and, yeah, sometimes parents. Fortunately, medical opinion at least has moved on from the days when these conditions were considered all the mother’s fault (“Refrigerator Mothers” and suchlike guff) and no reputable therapist would consider it to be caused by the parent or parents.

As to whether ex’s can get a bee in their bonnet, start slagging off their former partner to all and sundry and use custody issues as a lever to “get their own back” - I think that’s too common to need a cite on, sadly.

Sucks for your…friend? family member? self? though. But where you have real medical specialists interacting with the child over a long time, I don’t think a vindictive ex can pull the wool over people’s eyes forever.

I hear a lot of cases where the (problem) father will tell the mother “I’m going to sue and get custody because…<fill in the blank>”. usually (according to the mother’s side fo the case) the guy has a criminal record, or has violated a restraining order, or some such.

Very simply - if the guy has been this sort of problem, then there should be no problem stopping a custody claim unless your lawyer truly sucks.
the judge has heard every sort of claim on both sides, a hundred times.

What could cause problems is raising unsubstantiated claims or ignoring the courts. A friend of mine for example, got custody of his boys after the (ex)wife claimed he beat them. Her parents could not even get their story straight as to where they saw this “abuse”. Another lady I know lost custody after she decided to ignore a judge’s order and take off and hide with her kids. The courts do not like people lying to try to influence outcomes or ignoring orders. If you make an allegation, have specific details (time, place, waht happened) and better yet, impartial witnesses to back it up.

Honestly, why should he not have his visitation when his other “family” is around? After all, that’s what it’s all about - this is one big family when at his place. Saying “please don’t allow it” is just going to look petty. How he arranges child care is his problem. Unless you can prove the new “significant other” or the children are a real specific danger, what’s the complaint? Trying to block a schedule convenience for him just makes you look petty in the judge’s eyes.

As for the diagnosis issue - maybe your lawyer can offer to the judge to have the child checked by an independent specialist doctor your lawyer and the other lawyer can agree on. Also keep in mind, if the diagnosis is in dispute, then likely the situation is not that bad. The father may have the right to be concerned that you may be feeding his child excessively strong medication for no good reason, especially since really there is really not much that can be done for autism. (Or he may be a controlling asshole who is trying to get to you using your child as a pawn…)

This is why I’m always so jealous of my friends that practice family law: one side is always 100% totally and completely right, and the other side is, every single time, only using the kids to get back at the former partner.

So it’s really just a matter of figuring out what the parent who is in the right thinks is best, and doing that. The court will pretty much stand by and let this happen. After all, the parent knows best, and is never preoccupied with anything other than the child, and what does a court know better than a parent?

It’s why my family law friends all sleep well at night and never display any frustration whatsoever.

Hmmm… I sense a certain snarkiness in the response…
IMHO they are both overboard (assuming we are getting even some of the details correct.)

He wants to take away sole custody and get joint custody.
She wants to keep testing and treating, he wants to prove she’s fussing over nothing - and use that against her.
the child is at once very smart, doing well in school, excels at sports, well-rounded etc. - yet has problems dealing with the real world?
She says he wants joint custody to “not have to pay child support”. Did he say that to her face, or is she making her own assumptions as to motivation? Most jurisdictions, support is based on pay differential and the time spent at each parent’s house - not nominal custody arrangements.

She wants to make sure her precious darling is not contaminated by his new squeeze’s and her family’s presence. Really, what he does with his time is none of her business. He could hire a nanny and never even see the kid, and that’s still his right during his time.
Refusing to re-arrange the visitation schedule will just come across to the judge as petty. Petty does not win sympathy. Sorry, you don’t get to micromanage your ex’s time with the child. All you can do is look for signs of actual abuse. (Maybe a kid who’s good in sports wants to watch his dad race…) A 5th grader is I asume about 10, is quite capable of telling people if he is being abused or neglected.

Actually, if he has legitimately been convicted of domestic violence, then I have trouble imagining him getting joint custody. I suppose it depends how the police report reads, some women are not above making things up, just like men.

I worked long ago with a confirmed alcoholic. (He lost his job not long after, one binge too many). He asked me and a few co-workers to get on the stand and testify that when we’d been at their house before the breakup, we’d seen his (ex)wife yelling at and hitting the kid. I think in his alcoholic haze he overestimated the power of male bonding, plus there wasn’t any. The wife did well to leave him. I can’t imagine why he would want custody, other than as revenge against the ex.

Life is very messy.

:(You are somewhat correct in that the truth is somewhere in the middle! That is where the child is…in the middle. …he didn’t become suddenly smart, it was the therapy over the last 6 years that this mother, the child’s pediatrician, and others doctors, and God worked diligently to help him get to this level of success that is confirmation the therapy plan is working.

The dad didn’t get involved or go to any doctor visits until his remarriage. It was at that time the child’s anxiety level skyrocketed to a level he would refuse to go because of things she said and did that frightened him, which is a result of them not understanding his issues. At that time, the facial tics, leg movements, eye brow movements etc became more prevalent. It upsets me too much to tell you how they handled those “behavior issues.”

:)The mother had physical custody and he was the visiting parent. He wanted “sole” custody and restricted supervised visits only with the child. Because she had physical custody he had to prove a substantial change in circumstance in order to get in front of the judge.

:dubious:Her “precious darling” as you referred to her little boy, is just that…precious and he deserves to be treated with dignity, respect, and receive any and all available related medical care possible! Just like you would probably want for your child, if you are fortunate have one!

:eek:Her “precious darling” has no problems relating to the real world! He has a problem at 6 years old being told he now 3 patents. He has 2 mothers and one dad, and 2 step children, and a half-sister from the “one dad’s” 1st marriage. And that kissing the stepmother (the 3rd wife) is the same thing as kissing his mother. And if anything ever happened to his mother then she would become his only mother.

:rolleyes:I sense you are not interested in “the little boy” in the middle by your rude reference to him as a little darling!

:confused:Medicine was not required, only therapy, so the only medicines he needed was for allergies, rescue inhaler, and cream for his skin problem. He was denied his rescue inhaler by his day’s “new squeeze” because he wasn’t bad enough to have to go to the hospital, so it was with-held from him. The little darling recalled what he had learned at asthma camp, laid down, calmed down, and breath in and out calmly and reminded himself not to be afraid.

:)He didn’t get joint custody for all the right reasons, but you are smart enough to figure that out for yourself! Child support is based on the number of nights the child stays over. She gave him two extra nights a month for his agreeing to discontinue the 3-hour visitation one night a week during the school year. Which was a good decision because it was made in the little darling’s best interest!

:cool:And what the Dad does during his time is definitely his time and nether schedule anything on the other ones time. What is her business, as the custodial parent, is he taking him out of the state, does the sitter know where the rescue inhaler is because the little darling hasn’t been shown where it is located, and does the caregiver meet the court’s requirements as outlined in the order!

:smack:Life is messy…and divorce leaves the child in the middle of something they have no control over. I tend to agree with the new thinking…when the couple was married, who spent the most time caring for the child, made doctor appointment, stayed home with when they were sick, etc. It is felt it makes sense to leave the child with that parent continue that arrangement after divorce " for the best interest of the child".

;)I sure hope you are not a doctor, because your bedside manner stinks, and if you are a lawyer, you will stick with real estate, probate, and certainly not a GAL, because you are not compassionate enough to represent the little darlings best interest…I do suggest if you are now or ever want-a-be lawyer you go the criminal route because I believe you may have the personality (this is all my opinion, of course) for a hard nosed criminal defense attorney.

You said:.

[quote=“md2000, post:7, topic:659926”]

Hmmm… I sense a certain snarkiness in the response…
IMHO they are both overboard (assuming we are getting even some of the details correct.)

He wants to take away sole custody and get joint custody.
She wants to keep testing and treating, he wants to prove she’s fussing over nothing - and use that against her.
the child is at once very smart, doing well in school, excels at sports, well-rounded etc. - yet has problems dealing with the real world?
She says he wants joint custody to “not have to pay child support”. Did he say that to her face, or is she making her own assumptions as to motivation? Most jurisdictions, support is based on pay differential and the time spent at each parent’s house - not nominal custody arrangements.

She wants to make sure her precious darling is not contaminated by his new squeeze’s and her family’s presence. Really, what he does with his time is none of her business. He could hire a nanny and never even see the kid, and that’s still his right during his time.
Refusing to re-arrange the visitation schedule will just come across to the judge as petty. Petty does not win sympathy. Sorry, you don’t get to micromanage your ex’s time with the child. All you can do is look for signs of actual abuse. (Maybe a kid who’s good in sports wants to watch his dad race…) A 5th grader is I asume about 10, is quite capable of telling people if he is being abused or neglected.

Actually, if he has legitimately been convicted of domestic violence, then I have trouble imagining him getting joint custody. I suppose it depends how the police report reads, some women are not above making things up, just like men.

I worked long ago with a confirmed alcoholic. (He lost his job not long after, one binge too many). He asked me and a few co-workers to get on the stand and testify that when we’d been at their house before the breakup, we’d seen his (ex)wife yelling at and hitting the kid. I think in his alcoholic haze he overestimated the power of male bonding, plus there wasn’t any. The wife did well to leave him. I can’t imagine why he would want custody, other than as revenge against the ex.

Life is very messy!

:mad:
It always amazes me that professional educated adults really think a child will tell someone they are being abused, When adults can’t break away because of the emotional fear of what will happen if they do. You don’t have a clue what these humans of all ages go through because you can’t relate! You just judge them!

This little darling was very brave and he told…no one believed him, except of course his Mom. There are never any marks. He was sent right back into that house for his weekend visitation! He will never tell anyone else again. He knows what happens now if you do! No one can help him. His pent up anger is growing with him. He has plans when he is of age! He is leaving and never ever wants to see his dad again! And his dad better not come looking for him either.

Life is messy!

My God! You sure use a lot of smilies.

Sorry but I went through a lot of emotions with this case, and wanted to show how this child’s emotions are being discounted. And all the smilies represent the frustrations, ups, downs, fears, anger, stupidity this child felt toward adults making decisions for him and they don’t even know him, talk with him, meet him, or care about him.

Just to throw something out there…dad’s have parental rights as well. It’s not always about money. :eek:

And dads should have rights, the same rights the mother has…this dad is trying to take away the mother’s rights by falsely claiming she “has” MSBP in a lawsuit!

I am not concerned with the dads rights at this point because he is willfully, knowingly
stating in a legal document and in his sworn affidavit, that she “has” not suspects, but HAS a mental illness that causes her to make her child sick to gain attention!

Should his son be protected from a dad that lies about his Mom! What if it were the Mom stating the Dad has it, would you think differently then? What are your thoughts on the care of the child? He is not your child so it should be easy for you to make a fair decision…but fair for who? The dad? The Mom? Or the Child?

Should a Dad who has violated the restraining order twice, arrested the second time,
Have the same rights as the Mother…what is in the best interest of the Child? Thank God, the judge saw through this farce and she remains custodial parent of the child.

Now that the trial is over, he is complaining that the Patenting Plan is ambiguous, and not fair to him…yet he agreed to every word as it was read aloud in the court room.
He wanted more time, he got it, he wanted to drop off at school and pick up on certain days, he got it…now he says he needs somebody else “he” chooses to do that for him as he can’t do it…court says “he” will pick up and drop off on those days and if he can’t he will call the mother and she will and vice versa…he is livid that he can pick anyone he wants to! And guess what he can’t…and he should realize with a Sensory child fear of not knowing who will be picking up is paramount to the success of his education that day…that’s why it was written that way! Does he love his son, absolutely! Does he know how to love as a parent loves a child? If he did, he would have researched SPD to better understand his child so he wouldn’t spank him for being bad when it is the spectrum causing his muscles, voices, etc, to react that way. Instead he researched to find an illness he could assign to his ex!

There is no way any of you can properly offer advice because you are basing it on one event, one trial, and speculating on the last 7 years, even questioning the CDV! So I do apologize for throwing my question out there which was about MSBP! And I for everything else but help with any other know cases of being falsely accused and how that affected their reputation since it is public information and this is a small town!

  1. Can we stop pretending that “the mother” is not you? All the perspective-shifting is only adding to the confusing nature of this ramble.

  2. If I understand you correctly, the child’s father is doing everything he can to abridge your rights? This is the crux of your discontent, what he is doing to YOU?

  3. If I understand further, he is lying and you are telling the truth? 100% of the time?

  4. If none of us can properly offer advice, then why did you open this thread?

Responses to these questions would help a great deal. Not to the point where the answer to your entire thread would be anything other than “go parent your child as best you can and quit badmouthing your ex to a bunch of strangers on the Internet,” but it would still help.

224Julia, all I have to say is that unless your marriage was arranged and you got pregnant from being raped, you picked this man to be the father of your child. :dubious:

There’s always two sides to a story as they say, and it’s too bad people have devolved to making false allegations of the worst kind as a weapon in nasty custody battles which appear to be on the rise.

OP it may not be just about money, maybe he loves his kid and wants to play a part in the child’s life even if he doesn’t want to be part of yours. Men can be odd like that sometimes, loving and shit…