Excuse me madam, but I do believe that you've misunderestimated the size of your ass.

So I’m coming into work this morning and board the elevator. I work on the 2nd highest floor so I naturally move to the back of the elevator knowing that many people will get on and off before I reach my destination. There are 6 people in the elevator when I get on. We stop at the 3rd floor. 2 more people get on. Of course, the people in the front need to make room for the others so they step back slightly. I notice that the ass of the woman in front of me is now touching my thighs.

Most people would agree that it’s a rather large ass. Incidentally, I’m an admirer of largish butts on women, but this one greatly exceeds my limitations. But at this point, since it’s only really brushing my thighs I don’t think much of it.

On the 5th floor, 2 people get off and 2 get on. As everyone is repositioning themselves except me (since I’m already squeezed into the corner), the woman actually backs up further. I’m now at the point where the pressure on my thighs is causing pain. My knees feel like they’re about to buckle backwards. Besides that, there a handrail in the elevator that is pushing into the small of my back, which is also causing pain.

So, I’m thinking that 1 of 4 things is going on: 1) I’m invisible, 2) this woman is somehow pleasuring herself at my expense, 3) this poor woman has lost the sensation of touch in her ass, or 4) I’m on Candid Camera.

Ruling out choices 1 and 4, I do the natural thing. I push back (with my thighs on her butt). It was meant to be a non-verbal response saying: “Hello? Do you notice that your ass is cutting off the circulation to my feet?”. It was also meant to communicate my feelings without embarrassing her in any way. Think about it, if I had said something aloud, people on the elevator would’ve gazed at her ass. My goal wasn’t to have everyone focus on a body part that she may or may not be self-conscious about.

Not long after, she turns around, scowls, and says: “Excuse me!” in a very hostile manner. So I say: “You’re excused!” I was absolutely shocked that she had the nerve to implicitly blame me for what had just occurred. Now everyone else on the elevator probably thinks that it was I who did something perverted or unjust.

Finally, she gets off on the 11th Floor and looks directly at me and says: “Good bye!” also in a confrontational way. The door closes, and 6 hours later, I’m still wondering what the hell she was thinking.

I vote for #3. She’s got almost no sensation in her ass and didn’t notice that she was leaning into you until you moved and then it appeared that you were trying to get up close and personal.

She could have been less bitchy about it.

You should have physched youself into getting a Hard-On, then pushed your hips forward real hard while reaching around up front trying to grab her breasts. I bet that would’ve got her attention : :eek: :smiley:

Is that even a real word?

Shouldn’t this be in #5, instead of #4?

Anywho, I would have started with minute thrusting motions, accompanied by “Oh, Oh, Oh” in the style of Office Space. That kind of stuff tears me up. My personal space bubble is very large.

How you doin’?

I used to take the bus home from work every now and again. This used to happen all the time!

I’d see someone lumber towards me. I’d look at the seat next to me and then at her width, back at the seat, back to her girth, back at the seat and, incredulously, back at her ass. I’d think to myself there’s no fucking way this woman’s going to squeeze her massive bottom into this seat but sure as shit she would!

Now clearly she knows how big her butt is. She has to, it gets its own mail! Why on earth would she attempt to cram herself into 13" of seat?

When this used to happen I would always just get up and politely offer my seat.

I think Crisco was just mad because you pushed her off you before she was through.

Not as good as you are, suga!

Also, “misunderestimated” is a Bushism that I like to use.

Better have something prepared for when she boards the elevator again tomorrow.

Be especially ready to rebut some scathing remark she might make about yesterday’s romantic adventure. :smiley:

Worse yet is sitting on the subway during rush hour, when the standees are getting packed in by outside forces, and having someone trying to make breathing room for themselves by swinging their posterior into your headspace. Ugh.

Me personally, when I’m the one (figuratively) hanging off a strap, I try to face people directly. At least I might see a good-looking guy (and if there IS one, he’ll get a good look at me :D).

Aren’t you glad she wasn’t one of those elevator farters. Close as she was, she’d have left powder burns on you.

I work with a woman who has such a large ass that it should have turn signals on it. She farts a lot, too, so I avoid the elevator. Easy to do with only 3 floors.

Stories like this remind me of that old joke about the kid standing in line at the bank with his mother, and the large-assed lady in front of them. Large-assed lady’s beeper goes off, and the kid says, “Watch out Mom! She’s about to back up!”

PREACH IT SISTAH! When I’m on the bus I always try to look as normal and not-wierd as possible when another skinny-assed woman gets on in the hopes she’ll sit by me.

The other day I was on the bus and a large-butted woman got on, made a b-line for my seat (near the back), sat herself down - ON TOP OF ME (literally - she was half in my lap) despite the 6 or 7 EMPTY seats still available. :confused:

I made myself as boney as possible and she moved at the next stop. It was very odd. :slight_smile:

JJ, I’m with you, I like a good juicy booty an’ all, but that’s just outta hand. Perhaps a thumbtack sticking out of your pocket would let her find the lost feeling in her overample keister if she backed up into you.

The only other option is a cattle prod, which seems a little harsh, if not mildly amusing.

Speaking of bootylicious, I was going to post something I saw while traveling to Atlanta last month, but never got around to it.

The airport has several concourses connected by a metro train. I stepped into one car and noted a very pretty young black woman get on after me. She was very shapely and was wearing a clinging thin cotton dress.

And she had a magnificent ass.

As the train started moving, everyone grabbed onto the vertical steel posts for balance except for her. She just backed up to the bar and it slid into her crack about two inches.

It was one of the more erotic things I’ve seen in awhile, I can tell you.

I should really start carrying disinfectant spray.

Maybe she has those jeans that have a fake ass in them and couldn’t feel you behind her :wink:

They make strap-on arses now?

Or, 5) She didn’t realize she was leaning against a person. She thought it was the elevator wall or something. You mentioned a handrail…

Imagine her suprise when the handrail started to press against her asscrack, and then she realized… “that’s no handrail.”

Perhaps she was attempting the same trick with the handrail that Chefguy’s backdoor girl was using on the train.