In This Thread on Which Gender You Like To Hang With, I felt you really went off into left field with the tone of the thread, and hijacked it in a way that twisted it into a gender-hate thing, instead of a fairly innocuous gender-pal thing ( which was clearly the tone of the O.P.).
Originally Posted by Crispy
*Originally Posted byManda JO *( In response to above quote)
HUH???. THE O.P. wasn’t angling for a racist thread, and it was PETTY of you to Hijack it into such. Additionally, when I responded by complaining about your post in the thread, you came back with this :
Since most of us can read, show me where Crispy said " Untrustworthy and Bitter".
Injecting our own agenda into someone else’s thread by hijacking much? 'Pears that way. :rolleyes:
I know, no cursing, lame rant- but I wished to call Manda JO on the bold-faced hijack, and how it didn’t work. Well, it did for me for a while, but I plan to post into it right now.
If you have issues with racism, I don’t mean to try to shush you up in any way, nobody has that right here. I’m just pissed that you took a thread and twisted it’s tone and intent around to fit your agenda.
Cheap shot. Polling is permitted in that Forum, check the rules.
Sentence fragments. Dangerous. Clarity problems. Can be read into.
We’ve got a floating “no pettiness” after a statement that her (Crisply’s) friendship preference is with guys. I hazard that 'Toon takes that as “This is just how who I hang with shakes down, it’s got nothing to do with pettiness.” (Which seems an awful lot of words to read into it to me.)
Manda JO sees the same fragment and sees, “I prefer friendships with men because there’s no pettiness.” (This is rather closer to where my money lies.) So she takes that task, rightly enough if that was what was behind the fragment.
I also note that there were something like thirty responses and a full day after Manda’s post that didn’t react to it until Cartooniverse’s, so as an alleged hijack it was a remarkably ineffective one. There may or may not be a lesson in there somewhere.
Heh. I’m surprised this wasn’t directed at me too, Cartooniverse, because I basically parrotted what Manda JO said in that thread.
I open threads like that ready to get a little irritated, because it almost always turns into a “why women suck” thread. We’ve had threads like that before, where women who have no (or almost no) women friends come in and proclaim how they’re proud that they aren’t considered to be “women” by their male friends. They also say that they can never get along with other women because they’re all “bitches” or “petty.” And unlike many posters in that thread who begin things with “In my experience, most of the women I’ve met are ___,” they actually do say things like “I find women to be ___.” Bullshit.
Come on. You and I (and everyone who proclaims to fight ignorance) knows that just isn’t true. Women are different. We aren’t all social harpies and petty bitches who like to talk about nail polish and shopping.
And it makes me mad to see women who think they’re somehow novel and cool to have all male friends. Like it makes them less of a woman. Like men’s opinions should matter more than women’s opinions somehow.
I’ve met women like that. And I’ve had them say things like, “I’m really surprised I can be friends with you, because I don’t have any girl friends. Girls are all bitches to me.” I’m making it a semi-mission of mine to prove that not all girls are bitches and not all women are the same. And posts like “I’m glad my guy friends don’t consider me to be a woman” just don’t do anyone any good.
The Wrong Girl, I do agree with you 100%. Women are not this, that or the other thing across the board, blindly. Neither are men. I was objecting to what felt like a narrowminded hijack, not to the underlying sentiment of what Manda JO said.
I’m friends with men and women, and nail polish rarely comes into the discussion. Nor does shopping. NOR does NASCAR racing, Cuban hand-rolled cigars or crude sexual comments. That’s because of the people I chose to befriend. The remark " YMMV " may never have been more accurate…
Actually, I was trying to do the exact opposite. I was trying to avoid the thread being hijacked into a gender-hate thing: I was attempting to keep in innocuous. This issue has come up before, and it tends to degrade into “I don’t like women becasue they are petty, immature, jealous, and spiteful” pretty damn quick. At the first sign of that—Cranky’s comment that relationships with women are “petty”-- I swooped in to point out that one’s reasons for drawing primarily from one gender over the other for friendships should not be gender stereotypes. I have found that we are less sensitive to gender stereotypes than racial stereotypes, so I suggested that you shouldn’t make any blanket statements about a given gender that you wouldn’t make about a given race.
Cartooniverse, an IMHO-thread about “Which race/ethnic group do you hang out with?” would also have been completely innocuous, as long as people stuck to straightforward answers : “Most of my friends are White” or “Most of my friends are Puerto Ricans”, or expanded on thier statements with non-stereotypical anecdotes: “I attended a school with a very active forign student population, and out of an accident of dorm-assignation, was fortunate enough to end up with a majority of Indian friends.” However, as soon as someone said “I only hang out with whites, no pettiness there”, the thread would quit being innocuous right then and there, and the following post that managed to quietly diffuse and rebuke that post while still keeping the thread alive would be a fucking masterpiece of diplomacy.
The only reason I doidn’t need to be a master of diplomacy with that thread–my own note was enough–was because we all tend to accept gender stereotypes without a second thought. And that’s something I think it is damn important to change.
If you read my OP, I only suggest that you should have taken the debate to another thread, NOT that I would disagree in any way with your assertions.
We could try to debate the gender stereotyping issue except that I get the feeling we’re on the same side.
People are hard-pressed to be gracious when presented with the simple fact that I am better with babies than the Wifestrocity, do the cooking, keep the kitchen, bake, etc. to a greater degree than she does. It “bothers” then that people don’t fit their preconcieved notions. Tough shit, I say.
My reason for this thread was that the tone of the OP over in IMHO ( I think it was in there, yes? ) wasn’t belligerent.
Having said that, I have to admit that reading your argument, and that of others in here, I’m sensing that your note in there may well have been well-placed, even if it did feel Hijacky to me.
I really don’t think our thinking is too far apart on this Cartooniverse. Once again, although the OP wasn’t belligerent, calling women “petty” was (even if Crispy didn’t realize it), and it was that belligerence I wanted to defuse. A series of posts about why women suck would have quickly become a shit-slinging fest, and I think I acted appropriatly by doing my best to quietly guide the thread away from that direction and more toward the spirit of the OP.
Maybe you’re just not popular.
Seriously though, I don’t think you can call Manda JO over-reactionary or a twister-of-words. I’ve read a lot of stuff from her here (including posts to my threads) that sound far too level-headed. Then again, you probably didn’t really call her that so maybe it’s all cool. But there’s one thing I don’t understand:
I don’t get it. What’s that relevance with snow in your ex-husbands house? Does he pee with no heating?