Excuse me, Weather Channel??? Could you um, like . . . SHOW THE FUCKING WEATHER?!!

The BBQ Pit
1

So it’s Sunday night and my wife and I are getting ready to make plans to drive about 20 miles for a St. Pattie’s Day get together when we look outside . . and see . SNOW??? Then an ominous nightmare bar goes across the bottom of the show we are watching: a Winter Weather Advisory has been posted for our county.

SO- to get more information to help decide whether it would be a good idea to risk wrapping around a telephone pole after sliding off an icy bend on the road- I tune into the channel that I think naturally most people would think of when they need QUICK RELIABLE weather information:
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THE WEATHER CHANNEL.

So there it is, the Weather Channel. Did I get my local forecast? A special report on this storm that was affecting travel in heavily populated areas in three states?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

See, apparently it was MORE important to show an “Atmospheres” special on GLACIERS IN ALBERTA.

All right, I’ve been to Canada, and glaciers, they are kinda cool and all . .the thing is . …after three minutes of watching this borefest, I deduced that these glaciers, and the fact that they are retreating 30 feet every ten years . . .HAVE NOT ON GODDAMNED THING TO DO WITH THE MESS IN MY FRONT YARD!!!

Oh but don’t worry, the screen said, you will have your weather update at “:51 past the hour”- in other words - - —IN ABOUT 33 MINUTES!!!

I guess I could just log onto the website- after turning on my computer, dialing to get online, and then spending 2 minutes downloading their fucking slow site. BUT WHY CANT YOU FUCKING FUCKS JUST DO WHAT YOU WERE DESIGNED FOR:

GIVE ME MY FUCKING WEATHER!!!

I don’t care about the Athabasca Glacier. I don’t give a flying fuck about how dust devils are formed. And no, I don’t have any interest in the very first ever Weather Channel feature film coming up, “Flurries of Death”.

HERE are the four things I expect when I click onto channel 32 of my local cable service:

  1. MY FUCKING WEATHER.
  2. MY FUCKING WEATHER
  3. MY FUCKING WEATHER and
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  1. MY FUCKING WEATHER.

If there was ANY interest in all this other stuff, then why don’t you start Weather Channel 2?

Wait- I know why?

BECAUSE NO ONE CARES!!! That is what the Discovery Channel and PBS are for!

Look, when I tune in to your stupid boring channel, I am not interested in documentaries. I just want to see some bubblehead bimbo or some Ken Doll rattling off my five day forecast. I just want to know if I can leave my house.

And, just like I am sure that fuckhead climbing that stupid glacier would like to know, should I wear a jacket?

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Try here:

http://www.wunderground.com/

It’s better IMO than the Weather Channel.

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Maybe I’m wrong, but I thought that TWC always had “Local on the 8’s”.

Is it different on the weekends?

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Reply Part One:

I hear you. It seems like whenever I turn there to get the local conditions, they’re doing something else. And my timing is such that I get the tail end of the little ticker at the bottom. So I know that the barometric pressure is 29.98 and rising, but then - boom - off to a commercial break. I’ve learned that the Weather Channel does not mean instant gratification. Grr. That’s what I’m looking for in something called “The Weather Channel”, but I guess, Vinnie, we must be in the minority.

Reply Part Two:

Sick & tired of the dial up time? Cable modem, baby!! Just got it on Saturday, and WAHOO! Now I can log on to weather.com any damn time I please! AH HA HA! The Weather Channel shall deny me no longer! WOO HOO!

:: phew ::

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I’ve always felt TWC to be rather Atlanta-centric. If you live on the west coast, the rarest sight in the world is a glimpse of your locale on the national weather map. The Bimbo In A Suit stands right in front of California and talks endlessly about everything that’s going on from the Mississipi valley to New York, and if you’re lucky, at the end, she’ll do a little two step to the right and say maybe three words about the west coast. Helloooo? The second largest city in the country is out here!

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That’s the nice thing about the west coast, pugluvr —we don’t really have much weather.