Exes gone berserk!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

My ex is an abusive piece of shit. I could write hundreds of pages of the crap he’s pulled. The ones that bother me this particular week the most are:

-him flipping out on me MINUTES after I found out my grandmother died. I forget what exactly I “did” to deserve that. Later at her funeral, he berated me for not paying enough attention to HIM at the GRAVE.

-I had three different surgeries/hospital stays while I was with him. Each time he managed to throw tantrums, from threatening to leap out my hospital room window and hang himself from the window treatments, to trying to beat up me after surgery because I was in pain and pissed at him for being a jerk. I had to barricade myself in our room that time. One of the times was when I gave birth and he complained more those few days about being uncomfortable than I did, and I had contractions 2 minutes apart for 24 hours and had to have an emergency C-section. He too complained how poorly he could sleep.

Those are my downer stories. I’ll try to think of something funny later.

22

I can’t understand this, given the background you have explained.

If your ex is incarcerated, why are you still unable to be with your daughter—I imagine after being so horribly wronged by her father, your daughter would need you now more than ever.

I certainly hope you are able to be with her soon, I am sure it would be a blessing for you both.

Good luck—Matthew

23

No matter how much I loved the person, no matter how I felt about them, no way could I pass up a straight line like that.

First words out of my mouth would have been: “Trapped under a bookcase and eaten by cats?”

or

“Auto erotic asphixiation?”

or

“Murdered by a boyfriend who was trying to watch a movie?”

24

I don’t have any really crazy exes (I tend to spot that early and bail), but I LOVE reading about others peoples trials and tribulations!

25

Mine was a million kinds of crazy, but wouldn’t take his psych meds because he thought his shrink was trying to poison him. If only.

26

edit: ah, f*ck it, never mind, this can’t go well.

27

My only ex was a very selfish person. When I divorced him he dragged the divorce out for 2 years. Very expensive… When the divorce was final he stole our daughter out of school one day and had her tell the cop I hit her. He never had never had me served with court papers like he was supposed to and I ended up waiting 3 months for a hearing. The judge was so mad at him he told him to give her back immediately. When I picked her up at his house she was not the same kid. Then he took me to court for full custody and lost twice. He told our daughter she had to choose me or him and if she picked me she would never see him again. I didn’t hear from her for a year. She was 10 by then. One day she showed up at my door and said she wanted to stay with me. I tried calling him but he wouldn’t answer. After a year with me she was stealing from my atm card and opening up AOL accounts on line. She told me if I didn’t give her 5 dollars to go to the movies she was calling her Dad. I told her to go ahead because her dishes were not done. She stomped on my foot as hard as she could and crushed my little toe. It had to be amputated. She took off and the police said she was at her Dads. After a few months my ex mother in law called an said she needed dental work and the 20 dollars a week wasn’t cutting it. I was amazed because I was paying 187.00 a week in child support. She said my daughter had been with her because she didn’t want to stay at her Dads. I hired a PI and had her trailed to prove she was getting off the bus at her grandmothers house. The PI was so mad he set up my ex on a phony plumbing job. So at the hearing the Judge was so angry I thought he was going to jump off the bench. It turns out my ex was taking the child support and throwing his mother a 20 dollar bill a week and snorting the rest. The PI had subpoenaed my exes books and got him for fraud because he never deposited the check in his business account. He was also doing something else illegal. The judge stopped the hearing after restoring the child support to my ex mother in law and told my ex to get a lawyer for fraud which was going to be reported. Things were quiet after that until he found a legal loophole to not pay support to his Mother. She said she was afraid of him so the state would pay his support. A few more years went by and I got an e-mail from my daughter. She was very nice and we started chatting on line. Turns out she wanted me to buy her a car and pay for drivers ed. I told her to ask her Dad since he wasn’t paying support. He said no. I offered her my car and she looked at it and said she would be too embarrassed to drive it. A few days later I get served with a restraining order from my daughter. I went to court and it stood even though it was made up. Then I got a letter from DCYS that my ex and I were being charged with Neglect! It seems that my ex left the country to go to Russia and get his mail order bride and somehow I should have known that? We were both charged with Neglect because she was left unattended because she moved in with a friend? News to me? So I am counting the days until she turns 18 and went and got the restraining order thrown out. I lost the appeal for the Neglect. On my daughters 18th Birthday my ex calls me and says in his most sarcastic voice, No hard feelings… I hung up on him. He won.

I have not spoken to my daughter in 4 years but hear she is on a full scholarship at dental school.

28

Oops, Double posted by accident…

29

I was in a relationship for a little over a year with a girl who had been a close friend before. We had one of those rare mutual break ups, where both parties agree that it just isn’t working, etc. We moved apart, and a few months later, I finally got to hang out with the guy I’d been talking to on the phone and flirting with during my boring retail job (where I met him).

My ex (who was still a friend) suddenly came out of the woodwork (at this point, I don’t remember what tipped her off to us hanging out, but it must have been something) calling over and over and over, and then finally starting calling his cell phone over and over (a stranger that she didn’t know, as she had tracked down his number on the family plan we still shared, our terms being amicable and all). After not getting a response, she showed up at my downtown apartment, repeatedly ringing my exceptionally loud apartment buzzer until I finally gave in and had to talk to her. She then, in the middle of the busy sidewalk, insisted that I give her back everything she’d ever given me/we’d bought together/she’d loaned me/we both thought was cute/she might ever have touched RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND, or she would call her brother (a police officer) and HAVE ME ARRESTED FOR THEFT. :confused:

I tossed the stuff her way and went on to have an equally regrettable hook-up with him. Boo.

30

Wow. These stories are unbelievable.

I can’t tell you all how much I still love and appreciate all of my exes. Mostly for not being completely and violently batshit insane.

31

**Juliana **and Perciful, I am so sorry for your losses.

If I hadn’t miscarried, I know my kid would have ended up in a very similar situation. My ex was a raving psycho, and though I’m not glad for the loss of my unborn child, I know his/her life would have been a mess with him as a father.

32

(I just want to put in here, a Thanksgiving card (or any other lesser holiday, or a thinkin’- of- you card) is something you send to your 80 year old grandmother who lives two states away!)

33

Serenata,

You are lucky. He really did a number on her to get back at me. Once I realized he was a psycho I just wanted a divorce, not 14 years of court hearings. I wish I had never married him or brought a child into it.

BTW- My ex remarried a Russian woman about 12 years after the divorce and I just heard that she divorced him and left my ex for his brother in law!!! Ouch!

Juliana,

I’m sorry about your daughter and what happened to her. It’s too bad parents can’t share their kids but psycho’s look at them as possessions. Even with joint custody he made her feel so bad she was always in the middle. I’m glad your ex is paying for his crimes. I hope she can get past that and have a good life.

34

I have to ask this because some of these stories aren’t making much sense to me.

Those of you with real horror stories seem like smart, sensible people. My mind boggles that you could have chosen someone so unwisely. Did your ex start out sane and then deteriorate, or was the crazy already there and you just didn’t see it? Did you know him or her well enough when you got married? Do you think there’s actual spite or do you think that there is real, DSM-IV mental illness going on?

The only relationship that I know of that’s at that level of crazy is my aunt and uncle. My aunt is, I believe, genuinely mentally ill (but high functioning) and gets a little worse every day, and my uncle has submerged his self-esteem to the point where he’s almost not a person anymore. It’s very sad.

35

For me, he was absolutely a perfect catch. My friends loved him. My parents loved him. I could not fathom why in the world he liked me…he was a fitness model and at the time very attractive. I considered myself average.

He said all the right things and none of it sounded off. I got pregnant 2 days before my 21st birthday and he was all too happy to marry me.

I started seeing a totally different side of him about 3 months into our marriage but I was in the middle of a horrendous pregnancy where I almost lost my son several times so I ignored a lot.

He was emotionally crippling and after time I believed everything he told me about myself…I would never find anyone else…I had baggage…I was lucky he married me.

After my son was born and his health improved I had enough and found my backbone and told him I was leaving.

He was sitting on the couch, reading the paper, and told me without ever even looking at me, “You aren’t going anywhere.”

I packed up things I had to have and took myself and my son to my parent’s house that night.

36

That’s a pretty fast change! How long did you know him before you got pregnant?

37

I have no stories for this board. I’ve been married twice, divorced twice. Last saw my first ex in 1999. Last saw my second ex in 2005. Have no idea where either of them live now.

Honestly, most of my family thinks that’s pretty crazy in itself.

38

Although my (husband’s) horror stories aren’t nearly as bad as some, the EX is certifiably insane. And I just picked up my youngest from the psychiatric hospital today with even more proof of it (her therapist advises severing all contact with her bio-mom). But in his case he had no clue when they met and married and her mental illness(es) started progressing through the marriage and led to the divorce (and his obtaining residential and sole legal custody).

My husband is a smart, decent, loyal, trusting, perfect (IMO ;)) man. But he made a huge mistake when he met his EX. He was just about to PCS to his first overseas duty station, she was in the military hospital in which he worked. They had “known” each other for only two weeks, and never out of the hospital. He didn’t want to lose the relationship so early on, so he asked her to marry him so she could go with him. Then the marriage was going badly, they decided a baby would help…duh it never does. Things got worse and she decided a second baby would be a good idea, so she quit taking birth control (but saying that she was still) and seducing him at every opportunity (which from what I understand were fewer and fewer by that point in the marriage). The divorce was final a month after the second was born. Her mental issues got worse from there and are still getting worse by the day it seems.

39

My ex had some issues when we got together, but she did her best to acknowledge them, take responsibility and promise to improve. I missed a lot of red flags during the relationship, but I wasn’t entirely right in the head either. There’s a line in Pink Floyd’s Momentary Lapse of Reason: “Was it Love, or the idea of being in Love?” Good question for me. At this stage, I’d say it was the idea of being in love that got me. That was what I wanted.

It was only when we were firmly married that all promises were thrown out the window, all responsibilty denied, and all blame for everything, including her own insanity, rested firmly on my shoulders. She had me, she didn’t need to pretend anymore. I’d wager that’s what happened to many of the others here too.

40

My girlfriend through most of college was bi-polar. I realized this, she denied it, and I stuck around because at 19 you’re sure you can “help” them if you just put up with enough.

Over the three years we dated she broke up with me several times on Thursday because she wanted to go with a guy over the weekend, then would beg me to take her back on Monday, and I would.

No matter if I had a test the next day or whatever, if she was feeling lonely, insecure or upset (ie if the day ended in y) she’d call and ask me to walk over to her apartment, 3 miles away and get furiously bitchy if I didn’t want to. The relationship was all about me, after all. I remember one night I caved, walked over, hung out for a while and then after she was satisfied with my devotion told me I could go. I asked her for a ride, since there was a thunderstorm outside, she said she had to go to bed so she wouldn’t oversleep her alarm in the morning.

Finally, as the relationship settled into a rut and we were both bored, we decided, amicably, to break up. We had a great last weekend together and that was that, I thought. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders and life was grand. For a week.

She decided being alone was too scary, that she really did love and want to be with me, that I was a raging bastard for walking out on her, etc. etc. etc. She started showing up at my dorm, calling me at all hours and parking next to the main campus entrance where I’d walk to class.

My favorite part, she called a meeting of every single girl I knew under the pretense she was worried I was going to hurt myself because I was suddenly so different. Once they were all assembled, she made them swear on threat of violence none of them would ever go out or sleep with me.

A couple times I relented and let her into my room to talk to her. Bad moves both times. At one point she pulled a knife, which I had given her and taught her to use, and attacked me. I took it away from her, slapped her (only time in my life I’ve ever hit a woman off the mat), put it on the desk and told her to give it another try if she wanted. She didn’t.

This loony shit went on for three and a half months. It would have gone on even longer, but I started dating someone else, summer break came along and after that was over I moved in with my new girlfriend, meaning the nutjob no longer had any way to find me.

Eventually she figured out she was nuts, went on meds and has been functionally sane for 15 years or so. We even talk on occasion now since she’s in no way, shape or form the frothing lunatic she was back then.