Damn, that absolutely sucks.
My gf is extremely thoughtful. A friend of ours has been caring for her old Doberman through a cancer diagnosis and treatment. She knew the end was near and was uncertain about how she could handle all the details by herself. My gf said when the time came, she would be there to help.
Well, the time came yesterday. My gf happened to be needed for an online work meeting, so she told our friend I’d be there.
It was emotionally exhausting. I picked her and the dog up, drove to the veterinarian, helped get her through the paperwork and euthanasia, then drove her home where we sat and talked and she cried. I’m glad I was able to help, but wish my gf had been able to be the one.
Mentioned this in the MMP, but holy fucking shit people and their fucking weddings. I’ve been informed by my cousins that the next wedding has to be black attire only (and black tie.) (In MAY?) I already bought three fucking gowns two years ago, and had them all taken in and hemmed, specifically to wear to family weddings. Now I have to buy another fucking gown. These people and their fancy bullshit. They don’t understand that not everyone can update their formal wardrobe every three months.
Perfectly cromulent reason to not attend a wedding, IMO.
Or to attend in a gown of your choosing. Whether you want to notify the Bridezilla of your intentions in advance is your call.
And no, I won’t apologize for using the term Bridezilla. That kind of control freak fiat is textbook Bridezilla behavior.
ETA: waitaminute, cousins plural? I might have to rethink whether this is an actual Bridezilla thing.
Is the dictate that you cannot attend if you violate the dress code?
Also, it’s actually quite appalling to have wedding attire be black. Some of us remember when you did NOT wear black to a wedding.
Sounds to me like you need to dress in stereotypical '70s “Soul Train” threads… and don’t skimp on the contrasting colors, especially the velour bell-bottoms!
I do not understand couples demanding “guests” wear a particular color. As long as the guests dress wedding appropriate that should be fine. Couples don’t think of them as guests, or friends celebrating with them. Guests are props.
Exactly. I’d ask what role I play in the wedding party, and what my part is in the ceremony, but say I’m quite honored to be a part of it. If they say no, you’re a guest, I’d say that’s funny because you’re not treating me like one.
I just had to buy a new suit for a corporate event I had to attend. All went well.
I just got a text today that my BIL is end-stage with very little time left. 
At least I know that I have a suit that fits…
Shit I’m sorry, that’s awful.
I should clarify. Our cousins, plural, were bitching about our cousin, singular, who requested black attire at his wedding. I am not the only one annoyed.
So apparently all of this is on their wedding website, which is why I didn’t hear about it (I’m not on Facebook and we haven’t received the formal invitations yet.)
It’s “black tie optional” - which is more relaxed than his brother did, so cool.
But here’s the rub:
“All guests are encouraged to wear black. Men, black tuxedo with a white dress shirt or black suit with white or black dress shirt. Women- black floor length or midi dress, black pant suit or black jump suit.”
So by “encouraged,” no I won’t be thrown out if I show up in the burgundy dress I already bought, but this is a delicate situation and I have significant social anxiety about pissing people off, especially in my husband’s family. I’ve never seen the TV show Succession but I imagine it would give you an idea of the family I married into. Or for the comic twist, Arrested Development.
I heard a story today that my husband’s grandmother persuaded all the women attending her son’s first wedding to wear white, just to fuck with her new daughter in law. Diabolical. (Haha, and he just remarried that woman so I guess he stuck it to Mom all over again.)
Don’t give them new (wrong) ideas about how to fight Covid…
I’d suggest that you wear the burgundy dress with a black arm band, to show willing. But that would be mean.
I’m tempted to say “Oh, don’t worry, they’ll be pissed off at plenty of other things all wedding long, no matter what you wear.”
But your comment about social anxiety means maybe you should follow their (snooty, pointless, self-centered) rules.
Hmmm, I’d be tempted to “get sick” (wink, wink) and miss the wedding all together…
I actually like this cousin and I’m going to chalk this one up to being too privileged to recognize what a pain in the ass request this is.
I needed to update the funeral attire anyway. To give you an idea, when the patriarch of my husband’s family died, it was a three day event. Every family member was supplied with a full written itinerary and informed of the expectations, including a formal dinner on the third day, which was basically like a wedding for a dead person. I imagine when Grandma goes it will be a similar thing, and I’d rather be ready for it instead of having to run out and buy something on the fly.
I’ll make it work.
They said midi was OK, so maybe I buy something that pulls double-duty. A wedding and a funeral.
You have attire for three weddings and a funeral?
That’s not a bad idea, if you probably needed to get a dress for that anyway.
Otherwise I’d suggest you pick whichever dress is darkest, and/or accessorize with a black shawl or wrap.
But I’m a guy so take that with a grain of salt, I don’t know shit about women’s fashion. (Though admittedly female friends used to drag me shopping with them because they liked my opinions and I’d find things for them, yeah I’m weird.)
Of course, but good on you for stepping up even though it sucked.
We had a greyhound who developed breathing problems and we had to take her to the vet school’s ER. Turned out to be an advanced form of cancer and we decided to let her go. A senior vet student is assigned to every case there and that poor girl just sobbed when it was time (thankfully the attending vet actually did the deed). It was my dog being let go and I was the one telling the student it was going to be OK.
Two words: Consignment store. I bought my husband a tux at one. Looked great and cost less than renting one. Hell, even Goodwill might have something that works and you don’t need to tell anyone where you got it.
That Just Sucks. Condolences…