So I was at the store today and I remembered my husband asked me to buy KY. Also there was a sale on a new boxed wine that I had heard was actually ok. So I find myself with a box of wine and lubricant in my cart. “I think I shall use the self check-out” I thought to myself.
What have you found yourself (legitimately, not as a joke, buying together?)
I also once bought a bottle of wine and a pregnancy test. I was covered either way.
Not me but one time the guy ahead of me was buying laundry detergent and Imodium.
I saw someone buy a pregnancy test and condoms…!
A Very overwight woman buying 2% milk and chocolate syrup.
Instead of what? Whole milk? Skim milk? I don’t get it.
I was just thinking about this the other day and chuckling over one I made in Hawaii. I had already lived for some time in Thailand before that. A friend who had also lived in Thailand way back when was passing through Honolulu on his way to a Thailand vacation. He stayed at my place in Honolulu.
Now, this is a really nice guy. Despite his years of ripping through Thailand’s red-light districts, he has managed to maintain a certain childlike innocence. (He once in Thailand went on a bender after discovering his Thai-language teacher, whom he was about to propose marriage to, told him she could not be his teacher anymore, because she had agreed to go be some married rich man’s mistress on the side.)
So my friend is in Honolulu now, and he’s asking me if I think he should stock up on condoms there in Hawaii. I said it couldn’t hurt, especially if he needed a, er, larger size. We were also out of beer. So off we go to the nearby grocery store, where I am a regular, to buy some beer. The store closes at 1am; this is about midnight. We pick up some beer and head to the counter, when suddenly my friend grabs a large box of condoms.
So there we are, in my regular grocery store: two men, at midnight, buying a couple six-packs of beer and a very large box of condoms. My friend thinks nothing of this; I’m ducking my head down hoping not to be recognized.
This was totally not eyebrow raising in any way, but it still caused me to swallow a laugh.
A lady was buying a couple of melons. Rather than holding them monkey-style in her armpits, she decided to cradle her melons…right over he melons. I turn and see this plump, older lady with two fine melons adorning her chest and near about die resisting the urge to complement her on the quality of the fine orbs she cradles pon her bust.
“Hey, that’s a nice pair a melons you got there.”
Every time I buy duct tape, it produces an odd combination.
Try buying it with a hamster next time. 
One time I bought a funnel and a length of clear, plastic tubing at the hardware store, so I could run the tube down the trunk of a Christmas tree and water it without having to crawl down under the branches.
I bet they thought I was making a beer bong.
I wanted nitrile gloves (my mom’s allergic to latex, I don’t want to become so) to wear while painting. I can usually only find miserable, non-stretchy vinyl gloves outside of the drugstore, and hadn’t yet had a chance to go out and buy any. Because hanging out and discussing pro-wrestling over beer with one’s dearest guy friend comes before errands, y’know.
Said dearest guy friend, after said evening out, driving me back to my place (he doesn’t drink), recalled that he had promised his lady at home he’d pick up some Astroglide. He grabbed the mega-economy sized bottle, being a thrifty sort.
Meanwhile, I’ve staggered tipsily over to the gloves, and am holding the boxes up to eyelevel attempting to ascertain which are the ones I’ve been wanting. I find them, and twirl back to my friend. I tell him I can pay him back as soon as I get home, to which he readily agrees.
Then he gets to the counter, and realizes he’s holding a giant bottle of lubricant, a box of surgical gloves, and has a giggling blonde hanging onto him. (To stay upright!)
He was mortified. Cue handing the clerk the box of gloves, letting him ring, bag, and ask “is that all?” before handing over the lube.
I was sent into hysterics. Not by the implication, but by his obvious, extreme embarrassment. For love’s sake, the man works in the porn biz.
I read this in readers digest long ago.
A reader had wriiten his experience in a similar situation.
He bought a pair of running shoes for him and undergarments for his wife .
The cashier asked " Is it the thrill of the chase " ? 
We once bought four containers of lye and a container of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
The checker said, “Now, don’t get those confused.”
I still hate buying condoms from an actual person.
Self-Check all the way. That way, you know, they aren’t…judging me.
Cashier thinks to herself, “Twelve condoms, eh? That’ll last you, what, 3 years? Or is it 4?”
Even worse when the cashier isn’t old enough to ring up alcohol.
“I got a 21 on lane 3. He’s buying condoms and liquor. Not sure what the condoms are for, maybe “practice”. With himself. I mean masturbation. No way this guy is getting with a woman. And I should know.”
Yes, self-checkout is the only way to go.
I like to buy candy, apples, razor blades and straight pins in October.
A few weeks ago saw a little old lady with a few standard items such as lunch meat and 10 bottles of hydrogen peroxide. 10 bottles? What do you need 10 bottles for?
I put onto the checkout counter a large jug of cranberry juice and monistat 7. I’m a guy, and I was buying for what’s-her-name at home who was having, ah, lady problems. The woman cashier had just come on shift and stopped for just one second to look at everything, then rang everything up. I said,
“Missus at home’s having plumbing problems.”
She said “Yea those things can be a real pain the butt.”
I said, completely deadpan, “Well it’s a pain in the something, alright.”
She stopped ringing things up again, probably to keep from exploding into laughter.
Some comic once listed as her favourite activity:
Loading a obscene amount of booze and two kartons of baby formula onto the conveyer belt at the checkout of her local supermarket, and after consulting her wallet putting the baby formula back on the rack
[At the grocery store]
Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons.
Peter Griffin: Now listen pal!
Lois Griffin: Peter, I’m holding melons.
Peter Griffin: Oh.
Man: And her hooters ain’t bad either.
Peter Griffon: Now hold on a second.
Lois Griffin [holding a pair of owls]: Peter! I’m holding hooters!
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem. [pause] Man: Your wife’s hot.
Peter Griffin: All right that’s it!
About two years ago, I was in line behind two gentlemen in office-casual dress around 5:30 pm. They were together but rang up their purchases separately. Each man was buying four 2-lb bags of green bell peppers, and 3 bottles of liquid fabric softener. Nothing else.
No sexual innuendo or anything, just seemed very bizarre to me. They were discussing their purchases with each other, but tragically it was in a foreign language so I couldn’t eavesdrop.