F*** my life website

[Amp]

Not sure if these are on the up and up but I have spent the last half hour reading the blurbs on this webpage and laughing my ass off. Some of my favorites:

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were “Don’t worry, looks don’t matter so much in college. Once they’ve had a few beers in them, they’ll date anything.” FML

[Lobsang]

That reminds me of this comic strip…

[PopeJewish]

nice. FmyLife and NotAlwaysRight.com often fill my days with amusement when I’m bored at work

[JohnT]

“Today, I got a text message. It said, “I’m so drunk. What you up to, girl?” It was my dad. FML”

LOL!

[Jenaroph]

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don’t have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. I pulled a muscle taking my sweater off in the locker room. FML

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn’t know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I’m either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

Just what I needed, another site to waste my time reading.

[Amp]

Today, my friends and I go to a bar and proceed to get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, “There’s a child in this bar! There’s a CHILD in this BAR!” She turns around. She was a little person. FML

…

[myskepticsight]

Wow this site is amazing. I’ve been sending some of the best (well, worst) to a friend over AIM.

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying “Fuck you!” to which she responded: “I bet you’d probably like to.”

Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, “You can’t be gay, you’re fat!”

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend’s wall “Last night was the biggest mistake of my life.” We hooked up last night.

[Rigamarole]

I enjoyed:

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML.

[Vox_Imperatoris]

I wonder how many of these are just lies. Still hilarious, though!

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

[pbbth]

I started reading these and some were really funny. Then I got about 10 pages in and they started to depress me. People whose SO’s treated them like shit or whose parents don’t love them and things like that stopped being funny after a while. F*** My Life F***ed my evening.

[scareyfaerie]

Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded “Like, I don’t have enough time to play World of WarCraft.” FML

This is so going to be my valentine’s day…

[Omega_Glory]

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML

Today, having just told me what a great job I’ve been doing and how he’d really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I’d sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

I liked these. I agree with pbbth though, some of these are just depressing.

[teela_brown]

Is anybody else hearing these read in a Rodney Dangerfield voice? Except instead of “I don’t get no respect”, it’s “fuck my life”.