Facts of Life.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Not sure where I got this list from originally but I just rediscovered it, so I thought I’d share.

  1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
  2. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
  3. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet
    cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
  4. You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
  5. Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
  6. Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
  7. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
  8. You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
  9. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
  10. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
  11. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
  12. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
  13. Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
  14. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
  15. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
  16. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
  17. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
  18. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
  19. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
  20. Old women with mobile phones look wrong !
  21. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
  22. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
  23. You never ever run out of salt.
  24. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
  25. You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
  26. There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
  27. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
  28. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
  29. The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
  30. People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
  31. You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
  32. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
  33. Bricks are horrible to carry.
  34. In every plate of chips there is a bad chip
  35. At every wedding reception you get young boys sliding about on their knees
    Peter Kay* (One of my favourite comedians)
2

Where’s #9?!

3

Missing, presumed… er… Gone*
(I never noticed before. Perhaps the original editor thought it was too risqué)

[sub]*Free smile for the first to get the Discworld reference[/sub]

4

True! And they are even better if you cut them diagonally twice to make four little triangles!

5

Can some kind sould explain this one to me?

  1. Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6

Look at your monitor upside-down,

(or enter it into a calculator and turn that upside down)

7

I knew it was a discworld reference…forget to what, though.

8

9) All love potions are trouble

9

It’s not…

Missing, presumed…er…Gonne, is it? Just a thought.

10

First thing I did when I read this. Now it’s true.

11

Could be. I don’t have the book with me.

12

So is that the right book? Where’s my smile???

13

No that’s not the name of the book. It’s just a quote from the book.
(Is there really a book called ’ Missing, presumed…er…Gonne’??)

You get the smile if you name the book.

14

I know it’s not the name of the book, I just can’t remember which one it is.

thinking

Men At Arms! Right?

15

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

I’m totally mystified by this one. “Despite constant warning”? Am I the only one who has never, ever been warned even once to avoid swans on account of their tendency to break your arms? How would a swan even do that?

16

It’s Anglo-centric. British Kid’s mums always used to warn them away from swans saying ‘It’ll break your arm’

17

And when the dog in question is your own family dog, you swell with pride when she manages to elude capture and duck out of school uncaptured (especially if, when one of the guidance counselors tries to apprehend her, she growls and barks menacingly enough to make him back away - right in the middle of the lunch room!) :slight_smile:

18

Even after standing on my head and looking like a complete doofus, I don’t get the calculator thing (I don’t have a calculator handy, so I had to use the computer)

19

It says, “BOOBLESS” upside down.

Also, I’m man enough to admin I’ve raced the toilet flush.

20

I’ll even admit to stupid spelling mistakes from time to time.