Faith Based Drivers Exam Question

  1. You are approaching an intersection marked with a STOP sign. What should you do?

    A. Close your eyes, say a short prayer, and accelerate through the intersection?.
    B. Stop, look up at the heavens, and accelerate through the intersection?
    C. Stop, close your eyes and wait for divine guidance before proceeding?

This post is meant to be sarcastic although I swear I’ve seen people that drive like this.

  1. You are stopped at a traffic ligh. It turns green. Do you:

A. Wait for the *right *shade of green
B. Continue to mine for green objects in your nasal cavity
C. Remain focused on God’s best effort yet in the creation of the ass as it walks along a sidewalk

  1. A highway patrol cruiser is behind you, red and blue lights flashing. Do you:

A. Pull over and say a short prayer, praising God for his annointing of law enforcement officers and for his creation of human authority in general.

B. Continue speeding down the highway, secure in your moral purity, and certain that the lights are flashing for someone else.

C. Pull over and, when the officer approaches your window, have a small stack of Chic tracts ready in order to pursue a conversion experience.

How about the Libertarian Driver’s Exam?

  1. You are approaching an intersection a red light. What should you do?

A. Observe that the government has no right to interfere with the operation of your privately owned vehicle and drive through the intersection.
B. Seek out the owner of the traffic light and negotiate a fair price for turning the light green.
C. Purchase a strip of land parallel to the road and build an expressway with no traffic lights, thereby making a profit by offering improved service.

I’m pretty sure you THINK you have a point, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out what it’s supposed to be.

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When I was a kid, I wondered what would happen if four vehicles converged on an unmarked intersection in the middle of nowhere: (1) a policeman on his way to an emergency, (2) an ambulance on its way to an emergency, (3) a fire truck on its way to an emergency, and (4) the President of the United States on his way to an emergency (forestall nuclear attack or something). Who would have the right of way?

First, I called the local police and asked them. The guy said he wasn’t sure, but if he was the cop, he would get out and direct, letting the president through first, then the ambulance, then the firetruck. Then he’d go on his way.

Next, I called the local sheriff’s office. That fellow said he thought the president would have the right of way, but the other two would have to wait for him (the deputy).

Finally, I called the highway patrol. The officer paused a moment and said, “You know, I don’t really know. But I know this: if the mailman was there, he’d have the right of way!”


I thought this was going to be about the Central Asian nation which requires you to take a test on the Fearless Leader’s spiritual beliefs in order to get a license…