So everyone’s favorite evangelist Benny Hinn is here in Baltimore healing the masses (but of course he couldn’t do a thing to prevent this (disturbing link; sad story). All day long, on the street and on the bus, I caught snatches of conversation praising Mr. Hinn.
And I also caught snatches of information about Mr. Hinn’s offstage life. I wish I could tell you it involves crack and porn and underage prostitudes of many genders, but that would be a lie.
But what I heard was that at a very posh local hotel, Mr. Hinn requests that all magazines and the contents of the minibar be removed from his room. That’s very well and good for an alleged man of God, but he also requires all robes, soap, and all the other usual nice-hotel accoutrements be removed. You see, people are trying to poison him, apparently though the tiny sample bottles of shampoo and body lotion.
He asks for six washclothes, six bath towels, six hand towels, nine pillows, and one blender. Why can Mr. Hinn be poisoned through a bathrobe but not a pillow? I don’t know. The ways of the Lord are mysterious.
The bed of Mr. Hinn must be turned down on the left-hand side. Most importantly, his quarters can only be cleaned with plain water. No furniture polish, no bathroom cleanser, no window cleaner, no domestic chemicals of any kind.
He doesn’t tip. He told one server that “Jesus will tip you.” Last I heard, said server was still waiting for the Son of God to come through with that 15-20% of the bill.