(This is a thread for fake advertisements, as shown on Saturday Night Live and other examples of why network TV is the work of Satan.)
Do you have sharp pains in your right or left thigh a few inches below the waist? Do you know someone who does? Have you ever been within five hundred yards of something impacted directly or indirectly by a corporation? If so, you may be entitled to a large cash settlement.
Massive malignant polyphagia is a cripping disorder which is always somebody’s fault. It is so horrendous that only a large cash settlement can begin to help you put your life together. Our doctors will connect the dots on your unique constellation of symptoms, and then our lawyers will make sure the other party feels your pain and suffering. You deserve a large cash settlement.
Large cash settlement. Because it’s a large settlement, and it’s cash.