Fake breasts

I want to understand something about females that is currently confusing me.

On Friday (same bar, but before the freak legion told me they wanted to see me kiss my friend), I saw a girl that I’ve been acquainted with over the past few years. By acquainted, I mean I know her through other friends, and only really see her with them. We don’t hang out at all by ourselves (at least, not yet).
She recently got a boob job. This was the first thing she told me Friday night. The next thing she told me-“They’re really hard. Go ahead. Touch one.”
I, being the reserved gentleman I am, demur.
She insists. “Just touch one right here.” She points to an area still fully on her breast, but above the nipple-on the top, I guess. So I do, and to her credit, it was pretty hard.
She’s very proud of them-talked about them a lot that night. She assured me she was going to show them to me, just as soon as the swelling and bruises went away.
Man, Friday was a weird night.
Anyway, my question is this. I can’t normally get a woman to show me her breasts unless there is money, a g-string, and a seedy club involved. This one, who I don’t know very well, is asking me to touch apparaise them. I’ve noticed other women with this same behavior after a breast augmentation. Why is this? I understand they’re excited, but it’s a little different than driving around a new car to show it off, isn’t it? It’s still a part of your body, and most women don’t normally uncover them for near strangers to see. What’s the deal, ladies?

Then he said, “That is that.”
And then he was gone.
-Dr. Seuss, * The Cat in the Hat*

Why would she be proud that they are really hard? That seems like it would like rather odd. I like bigger breasts, but not the kind that I could use to drive a nail through a 2X4.

Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.

I think they’re supposed to get softer. I was more confused by the fact that she was openly telling me they were fake. She’s very proud of them as an entity, not especially for their hardness.

Then he said, “That is that.”
And then he was gone.
-Dr. Seuss, * The Cat in the Hat*

You know I had a conversation about this very topic the other night. My friends and i came to a few theories:

#1 they paid for them, they’ll be damned if no one notices

#2 since they aren’t real it’s not something to be guarded as closely, it would be like showing someone a car or new furniture.

How do you like that! And without so much as a “Kiss my foot” or “Have an apple”!

Just like that John Candy movie: “How do they look?” “Um, similar?”

I had something similar happen at a college-esqe party. A married couple arrived, and she had just recovered from her (PC alert) breast augmentation. She proudly removed her t-shirt and paraded through the room. She even invited people to feel them. I used a better adjective than “similar”. :slight_smile:

I want to understand something about females that is currently confusing me.

Who doesn’t. See sig :wink:
Maybe we’ll clear this mist, but there will always be more mysteries left, my friend.
My theory is, if we fully understand women, the universe will implode and all Life As We Know It will cease to exist.

Oh, and I’m with BMU’s theory #2, regarding the OP. It’s a shiny new Caddy (2 Caddies, rather), now say something !


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

Wow, breasts as a life form. I guess I missed that episode of Star Trek. Damned funny.

Seriously though, if she wants an independent evaluation, I’d be glad to give my opinion. And a second opinion for the left one.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Say you had a penis extension, and whip it out.

Tell her, “Feel it! It gets pretty hard too.”

It’s not like it’s difficult to tell most fake breasts without their being pointed out by the owner – a perfectly round pair of grapefruits up under the chin is a pretty good clue.

I’m sure there are some boob jobs so tastefully done that it’s genuinely difficult to tell, but usually it’s all too obvious.

Catrandom, in L.A., the plastic breast capital

Is that the next sermon, Rev?
If a girl asked me to touch them & I didn’t want to, a polite, ‘Im allergic to plastic’ would suffice.

Last time I heard, Atlanta was known not only as the Strip Club capital of the south, but also as the implant capital of the south.

I guess the two go hand in hand.
You know, tit for tat.

i hate the ones that end up looking like the puffy eyed goldfish… just creepy!

How do you like that! And without so much as a “Kiss my foot” or “Have an apple”!

I read somewhere that breast augmentations are going the way of the Dodo, even among porn stars and Hollywood types. Thank god. I never found them even slighly attractive.

I think they were ‘in’ when it made a person unique. But now that everybody and her dog can get and is getting an augmentation, it has the opposite effect. Now the spectacular breasts are the natural ones.

Well it’s a lot better than insisting that they’re real when they’re obviously not, á la Anna Nicole Smith.

I’m guessing supersizing is what causes that.
There should be some rule that forbids “augmenting” more than one or two cup-sizes.

“She’s in the hospital having her breasts reduced from a DD to a C cup”

“On purpose?”

When I had my breasts done I was really happy with the results and I wore tight shirts all the time, but I NEVER asked anyone to touch them! I will freely admit to having had a boob job if the topic comes up, but won’t announce it for no reason.

And just in case anyone is wondering, they are not hard and look 100% natural.

Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.–Coleridge

I’d like some info here. Am I the only guy whose ever looked at a woman or a picture of a woman and said, “Her breasts are just too big?”

“Great Scott. They must have planted cantaloupes.”
-M. Binkley, Bloom County


|Squeaks from BrainWeasel’s Cage|

OK, am I the only one who wants to see pictures now ?


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

Thanks BrainWeasel :wink:

That was supposed to follow Michelle’s entry…


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

(Must Resist Requesting Visual Proof of Naturalness from Michelle)

Ummm…nope, don’t really care for them…although I’ve never been with a woman that had implants, I can usually tell when a pair are fake…but I guess if I couldn’t tell, I’d never know…hmmmm. Michelle, in the interest of science, could you send a pic of yours my way?..Just to establish wheather or not a man can “always” tell.

Ok, so I gave into the urge…couldn’t resist.

And I also am not a fan of huge breasts…I hate it when the slap me in the face during sex.

After reading this thread, I would like to amend my “Favorite Posters” list.