I think that a true meaningful relationship means more than me sleeping with her now. I think that you are right. I will take some time and then get back to being her friend. Being there for her like I always have been , without having sex with her. I truely believe that there is something there . I know that she is going through a lot right now with child custody issues, getting money from her loser ex and then she is being with this other guy who she has a history with , who is married. Yea I know. A whole list of issues and the question, why would I want that ? I fell in love with her.
hugs
You know what it sounds like she really needs right now?
A friend.
You’re a good man. Just remember to think with the big head, not the little one. 
I need a hug as well. I just need some time to clear this head of mine. Not the little head either.. LOL … I just want to be there for her like she needs. But if i dont take a little time away, Im just going to want to sleep with her and tell her that I love her and she doesnt want that .,.,. So I dont want to get hurt all over again. Im hoping that me taking this time, she will miss me a bit and realize that I am pulling away. She told me the other night that what her and I have is very unique. I told her that it wasnt unique enough for her to want to be with me though. I was hurt and now i think of it , probably could have said something a lot different. But what is done is done and i thank you again for your advice,
nm, stupid.
[quote=“WhyNot, post:22, topic:638104”]
hugs
You know what it sounds like she really needs right now?
A friend.
You’re a good man. Just remember to think with the big head, not the little one. ;)[/QUOTE
I think I’m going to try and not be as available either.,I hate all the games but I need to do something. I really miss her so much… I just need to go to bed and sleep this off
Welcome to the Straight Dope. Yes, you are being graded. No, there is no curve. One day you will forget this girl, but the shame of using an ellipse as a period is now preserved for posterity. Be ever vigilant against the forces of bad grammar. The best writers get the coolest chicks. Enjoy your stay.
I came into this thread hoping to help, as I’ve been in a situation that resembles your thread title, but I’m not wading through that wall of text.
Sorry. I’m not just being snarky - there are people who want to help you, and you’re making it harder.
This right here.
Dude, you’re her fall-back, and you deserve better. You deserve someone who really loves you, and if she doesn’t love you by now, it’s nearly impossible that she ever will. Quit holding onto this slim hope and go live your life.
It’s not that it’s a graded paper. It’s that the wall of text is really, really, REALLY difficult to read. Seriously, go back and try to closely read your OP. Now think about how it would be if you didn’t already know what it said. :eek: The bigger pain in the balls it is to give you what you want, the less likely you are to get it, so you’re really only hurting yourself by making your posts unreadable messes. And in all fairness, you came to us wanting something. The onus isn’t exactly on us to make things easier for you, ya know?
From what I can tell from skimming (because keeping track of where I am in the block is too hard for me to really read the thing), you should run far far far far FAR away from this woman. She’s jerking you around, giving you just enough that you keep hanging around hoping for more even though she is unwilling, maybe incapable of giving you more. I don’t know if it’s deliberate or not, but she is.
Besides the xkcd comic, there’s also this one from something positive. Your case probably falls somewhere between the two, but basically - if she really, really wanted to be with you? She already would be. She’d chuck her current guy in a hot minute if she actually loved you.
I’m going to try to be nice, really I am.
But I feel like a bitch this am, so don’t get offended ok?
The reason she can sleep with you and have no feelings is because
she is a piece of shit.
Not that everybody who sleeps with people they have no feelings for is a piece of shit, SHE is a piece of shit.
She’s living with one man, with whom she has children? She’s a cheat. She’s dating a married man. She has no decency. She’s using you. She’s a piece of shit.
She is not worth the time it took you to type that post.
Where are her daughters while she is doing all this fucking around? What kind of example is she setting for them?
She is a fucked in the head drama queen and you got sucked into her drama.
You cannot help her, you cannot save her, you cannot fix her.
If she had any kind of decency, as soon as she knew you were falling in love with her and she knew she didn’t feel the same way *SHE *should have ended the friendship. That is what a decent person does. They don’t lead people on, they don’t use people, they don’t take advantage of another person’s feelings. There is NO ‘being friends’ with this woman.
You can’t be friends when one person in the friendship wants it to be something more.
The bigger question here is
Why in the hell to you want to be with a proven liar, cheat, and user? Do you think she will magically change and not cheat on you? Do you really believe you can have any kind of decent relationship with this woman?
You have seen what she really is and the picture isn’t pretty.
You need to see her for what she really is and not what you want her to be.
Leave that crazy bitch alone.
Welcome to the SDMB, Wallstreetjd.
We ask that you not post the same material in more than one thread. I’ve moved the stuff you’d put in the other thread here, so there may be some repetition and a little confusion as to who said what to whom.
I’m also moving the thread to our advice-giving forum, IMHO.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
Everything you need to know about this situation is described in the 1994 hit Self-Esteem by the OffSpring
I know I should stick up for myself,
but I really think it’s better this way
the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care
… right?
I’m going to be a bit harsh here and say that I don’t think you two were ever actually friends. What I get from your story is that, whether consciously or not, you were always attracted, and you found a way to hang around and wait for an opportunity.
Hence you can’t “go back to” being friends with her. All that will do is leave you seething with false hope and suppressed jealousy, waiting angrily for things to change. This isn’t healthy for you. Dump this relationship and move on.
Yeah, I have to believe that OP can be seen from space.
Good luck with your troubles, Wallstreetjd.*
*whatever they are
mmm
This is a very difficult situation, and I’d like to share some suggestions with you as well as some advice and personal experience. I’ve been lost like that too, thinking “do I like the girl???” Of course, I like the girl, she’s a nice girl. She was a fine girl who I really liked prob ever since we first met, and so I was in a similar situation to you as well, because you like that girl a whole lot, just as I am, or was, in love with this girl. She was leading me on with her ways, let me tell you. That girl had a boyfriend and they were about the same age, but not the same age as you by a long shot, or maybe they were, see I’m not sure what age you are, so maybe this wouldn’t apply quite to your situation, but it did apply to my situation, as I was living in it at the time. So you see, we have a lot in common with that particular situation, and I’m just letting you know what I went through so it may be of some help to you also??? It’s been quite awhile since then, and I can tell you I’m happy it’s over, and just wish the best for you. She was never married, and liked to be friends, but I was wondering, could we be more than friends? But, however, she wanted to just be friends, or friends first maybe, see maybe we could have been more than friends if the timing was right, or I said something better, you see what I’m getting at here? It’s like in your situation, you say she’s age 35, that’s a very important time in anyone’s life, and she has daughters to take care of. The girl I was talking of has no daughters, but that’s besides the point, your girl, or “woman of interest” has daughters and a significant other. This complicates the situation, you see, you need to tread lightly here, at this time in your life, just as your woman is at an important stage in her life. I know this from my own past experience, and think it will help some with yours. Just hang in there, tough. This is a rocky relationship, but surely some of the rockiest ones have been the best. You may just want to cut it off at this juncture though, because she’s expressed some reservations about the relationship. I think you mentioned she said she wasn’t attracted to you. This girl I mentioned, she said something similar to me. I know you probably think that you could become the man she wants, but sometimes it’s best to let things sail, if you know what I mean. It’s just a suggestion. So she likes big, burly hairy guys. Well, if you’re not that big, burly hairy guy, maybe it’s time to move on, sailor. I know you’ve mentioned you have feelings for her, but if you could meet someone else, strike up a new relationship, it could be just what the doctor ordered. My experience was similar, and that woman wasn’t interested, so I parted ways, and maybe it’s time, time for you to spread your wings and fly away from this relationship. Don’t be just friends, and let your love for this woman become a silent wound in your soul. You can find others, others with more love to offer. Attraction is a very interesting and funny thing. Who knows where the arrow of love strikes next? One’s best plans can be changed by love. Were these not thoughts of the ancients, or similar? It’s a timeless challenge, you weren’t the first to be faced with this conundrum, and won’t be the last. I know I wasn’t the first, or the last for that matter, which has lended me some perspective. It’s like that old song “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” except most people are asking for directions to San Francisco. It’s just a matter of where you want to go.
Sums up what I was going to say. You want this screwed up mess in your life because … ??
When women say stuff like, “I would be trouble if we ever hooked up,” that’s a nice way of saying, “I’m not attracted to you.”
She told you she’s not interested. No one is going to be able to tell you any magic words to make her fall in love with you.
She sounds like a terrible person anyway, or at least extremely disordered. You didn’t say it, but I sense alcoholism might be involved. In any case, there’s no fairy tale ending at the end of this story. The best thing you can do for yourself is just accept that she doesn’t like you that way and move on. You’re not the only guy to ever fall into this “best friend” trap, and I know it can feel emasculating and painful, but the only way to really salvage any manhood is to disengage yourself and move on.
Work on yourself. Make yourself a more worthwhile person, don’t waste your life mooning around after some trainwreck of a woman.
You also need to be careful what you wish for. Who ever ends up with this chick is not hitting a jackpot, believe me.
When you get the urge to see this woman again, punch yourself in the dick instead. It’ll hurt less.
I’m pretty much with sahirnnee here. I’d think a woman in her thirties and two kids would have her crap together better than this. Where are the poor kids in all this?? They should be her first priority.
She’s using you. She’ll dump you the second the married guy gets divorced. Or worse, his wife finds out, she’ll get dumped and she’ll come running to you. Yet again. You’re handy to have around while she waits for something “better”.
I can’t stand women like this. You’re a good, caring guy (if kind of dumb) and there are women who’d appreciate you. Cut off this user and find one of them.
Good luck and I’m sorry this skank is doing this to you.