Falling in love with my Best-friend. Now what?

In My Humble Opinion
41

My first post here, but this is pretty intolerable. Your first post was a wall of text. Hitting the enter key every few lines like you see EVERYONE ELSE ON THE FORUM DOING is not too much to ask for in ANY forum or online community, especially one you’re supposedly requiring help from.

If you’re this hard headed from a simple request to fix something that was YOUR MISTAKE, I wonder how this translates to other aspects of your life that makes you unattractive as a relationship partner for this girl. Yeah, I’m reading a lot from a tiny post thread, but twice whining about simple adult grammar and editing on a board from someone who wanted to help you shows sourness that’s ridiculously unappealing as a girl.

It costs you nothing to do, and still you whine about doing it.

How am I to assume how you would to deal with something that might cost you effort, sacrifice and maybe a small part of yourself to deal with like someone elses’ affection?

42

Similar answer here. I had a similar self-crisis as the OP. I loved this girl, friend zone, blah blah. What cured me is the realization that her other relationships that I knew of were with crap guys, filled with horrible drama, horrible breakups, and a cyclic mess. The problem was never with ‘those guys’ that she was dating, it was with her. Now, did I want to be yet another cyclic guy in her drama? The greatest freedom in the world for me was when I snuffed the torch that I was carrying for her.

Strangely, we’re lifelong friends 20 years later. Torch remains snuffed :slight_smile:

43

Wow, Sahirnee, you were really harsh!

The problem is, you were right on the money, and relatively succinct.
The bigger problem is that the OP probably won’t take up your advice because of the way it was delivered.
The even bigger problem is that the OP probably won’t take up anybody else’s advice (after all, it’s been pretty consistent) either.

THE REAL PROBLEM IS WITH THE PERSON WHO SUBMITTED THE ORIGINAL POST.

ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION WALLSTREETJD?

The responses I’ve seen so far have come from people who seem to be taking the original post at face value – in other words, as a request for advice. The alternative, of course, is that it’s basically a troll to get kind-hearted people to respond, to give of themselves to a faceless stranger. [It will not solve the debate on whether or not altruism really exists, if that’s was this test was for.]

This same sob story has been presented across millions of fora in millions of languages – and a few dozen times here on the SD. It’s a classic soap opera plot. Those who respond are generally kind-hearted and offering advice for your benefit. We’ll never know if this one is real or just your way of gaining attention over the Internet.

So here’s the thing, WallStreetJD: The object of your affection has been cheating on her husband, cheated on her ‘mister’ with you, and will undoubtedly cheat on you given the right circumstances. If you really really love her, you’ll be burned **when **that happens. Several have noted that one of your less preferable options is to accept the role of second stringer and go back to being friends. Of course, if she cries on your shoulder and then starts rubbing your crotch…

GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF!
No! Not literally! Stop that!

You haven’t mentioned your own background here, but some have hinted at substance abuse or other abuse in this woman you love. What abuse have you endured that fostered the belief that you deserve no better than third string after the husband and mister?

Yes I’ve been there. Yes, it sucks. And the only way to get out of it is to just get out of it – physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically, geographically, whatever. Part of my therapy included literally leaving the country to clear my head. What really did the trick was finding someone else who was available AND made me feel all those wonderful things (and more) when we were together – and still feel them when we were apart.

So give yourself some credit. Break free and go find a relationship* that will give you more and end up being more fulfilling in the long run.

AND DON’T LOOK BACK.
HEY OTHER RESPONDERS: ENOUGH OF US HAVE GIVEN THE OP THE SAME ADVICE OVER AND OVER IN THIS THREAD ALONE.
I SUGGEST WE STEP BACK TO LET HIM EITHER FOLLOW THE ADVICE OR GET LOST. ARGUING WITH HIM IS A WASTE OF EFFORT.

—G!

*They say there’s a guy for every girl in the world – but then there’s a lot of lesbians and a lot of gay men so that narrows down the field to give hetero people better chances with someone who’s just right… :slight_smile:

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It’s a waste of time.
And it annoys the pig.

44

Sure. Men have been doing it since the beginning of time.

Run, dude, she’s dysfunctional. You stuck your dick in the crazy. Run away from the crazy now before it sucks you in.

45

Actually, the bolded is good advice. He’d be better off.

46

As others have said, reading a wall of text is very difficult. I read WhyNot’s adaptation; I did not read your OP. If you want advice, people have to be able to read what you post.

This.

Also this.

I also agree with Maastricht that you aren’t going to take any of our advice, and you will keep on doing the dysfunctional dance with your disordered drama queen. Oh well.

47

Oh, for fuck’s sake - we ask the OP not to post wall of text, then you go and quote the whole fucking OP and add your own wall of text?

48

w

h

o

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s

h

!

49

You mean…he did it on purpose? Oy, he’s going to get such a pinch! :slight_smile:

50

Now what? Learn to write.

51

Dude, I have been there too. I know how it feels to be hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same.

One thing to keep in mind: Most women do not find “door mats” attractive at all. THE ONLY CHANCE YOU HAVE WITH HER IS IF YOU CAN GET OUT OF THIS PATTERN WITH HER AND GET BACK YOUR SELF-RESPECT. Don’t answer her texts. Don’t go over there to comfort her over her latest crisis with this married guy. Don’t have anything to do with her for a while. DO NOT be there for her. Just think: How much time do you think the married guy has to pine over her? Probably not much, and that’s probably why she is crazy about him.

Maybe if you’re NOT there for her she’ll stop taking you for granted and there is a chance that she might actually see you in a different, more positive way. Sometimes people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone.

Trying to continue to hang around with her and continuing to sleep with her when it is convenient for her while she continues to pine for the married guy is NOT going to get you anywhere worthwhile. I guarantee it. You’ll just end up wasting a lot of time and pain.

Even if it would logically make a lot more sense for her to date you than to chase the married guy - people’s feelings are NOT logical. You can’t argue/reason someone into liking you. Don’t even bother having those kinds of discussions with her anymore.

52

It was clever and made me laugh. He deserves a pat on the back!

53

I’ll pat him on the back alright. {Makes pinching motions with fingers.}

54

Everyone’s dumping on this woman pretty hard, and obviously it’s not cool to be making it with a married man. As far as I tell, though, she’s basically been honest with the OP all along.

55

With the father of her children - not so much.

56

My “wall of text” was just a third as long though. :frowning: I’ll try to be more brief from now since you called me on the carpet. :rolleyes:

57

How do you know that?

58

Did you read the OP? He said she’s cheating on him.

59

Yes. Several times, in great detail. Apparently you didn’t, though.

If we take his word for it, she’s living with an ex boyfriend of 12 years with whom she has daughters. They sleep in separate beds. She is pursuing a married man whom she went to high school with, as well as our hapless hero.

We have absolutely no stated information about what either her ex-boyfriend/roommate/babydaddy or her married man/paramour know about one another or her feelings for them. None at all. We do know that the OP knows about the other men and that she’s been honest with him.

If we’re going to infer anything, it would seem that the ex-boyfriend with whom she lives *does *know she’s having relationships with other men, as the second incident detailed by the OP happened at their place, not the OP’s.

60

If she was into you, she’d be with you.

If she felt anywhere close to the same, she’d have more one-on-one time with you, build a future with you as her partner & prioritize you the way you prioritize her.

You’re a pair of shoes she hasn’t thrown out yet, but doesn’t want anyone else to have either. The only use she has for you is to walk on you.

rinse

repeat