even sven, just eat half a bag of malitol candies prior to each visit. Every time one of them belches, slide out an SBD (but be carefult not to shart) and suddenly glance a the one who belched, with a look on your face indicating that you are concerned that something so ripely rotten could come out of his or her mouth. Once they start feeling nauseous, open a discussion on the dire medical harm that excessive belching can cause.
"Mewling, puking babes. That’s the way we all start. Damply clinging to someone’s shoulder, burping weakly, clawing our way into life. All of us. Then gradually, surely, we begin to divide into two streams, all marching together up that long yellow brick road of life, but on opposite sides of the street. One crowd goes on to become the Official people, peering out at us from television screens; magazine covers. They are forever appearing in newsreels, carrying attaché cases, surrounded by banks of microphones while the world waits for their decisions and statements. And the rest of us go on to become . . . just us."*
While continuing to burp. That’s what separates us from the Mitt Romneys. I am positive Mitt has never burped past the age of 3 months.
*from “The Endless Streetcar Ride Into The Night, and the Tinfoil Noose” - Jean Shepherd
When I was a baby I would often shit my pants and suck on my mom’s tits, but I stopped doing both those things a while ago. You don’t have to be a robber baron to know how to behave around other people.
I think you’ve commented in the past about the sacrifices your mom made for you. Suck it up, say eww occasionally, and thank your lucky stars that this guys doesn’t think farting is cute.
Oddly. the burping has quieted down. I fly out tomorrow- just at the edge of the “OMG everything my family does is obnoxious” moment. And what would the holidays be without that?
I thinks the OP is just damn lucky the family doesn’t “talk out of their ass” so to speak 
I have a burping story. One year in college a few friends and I went on an extended camping trip during winter/christmas break. The kind of camping were you don’t see ANYONE for days on end. Well, one guy gets pretty good at burping soooo loud / sharp that it ECHOS in the woods. After about a week of eating soup from a can we get a hankering for real food. After bicyling about 20 miles on one speed bikes we hit the nearest one intersection town. Fantastic! They have a BBQ joint!
So, we get to chowing down. In the middle of this, in a place the size of a large living room, my friend decides to rip an 11 level burp, not to do so but just because this has become his habit over the past few days. Needless to say he was embarassed and other folks disturbed
A person who does that is sending a not so subliminal message about the level of respect they have for others. We’ve been trying like hell to break my step-daughters’ burping and bad eating habits, but it’s an uphill battle because their pig of a mom is known for belching very loudly no matter where she is or who she’s with. That makes it hard to enforce a no crude burping rule in our house, but we certainly try. She also eats with her mouth open, chomps, slurps, farts proudly, etc. I’ll never understand how a person reaches adulthood without picking up some manners on the way.
I also have a friend who, in the last two years or so, seems to have lost any sense of etiquette while eating. The frustrating thing is that he used to have impeccable manners. Now it’s eating with his mouth open, smacking his lips, etc. That sort of thing makes me feel murderous. I realize that most people make a little bit of noise when eating, but again, this is an adult who should know better. He was here for Thanksgiving dinner and while we were eating my step-daughters couldn’t stop giggling over the noise he was making. Luckily, he didn’t know that’s why they were laughing. Then, out of nowhere, he lets a fart riiiiiip right there at the dinner table. I thought the girls were going to fall out trying not to bust out laughing, so I chimed in with a story to distract everyone from the slurpy smacker.
What the fuck is wrong with people??? All that noise is NOT necessary!
Drama queening is an important social aspect of the culture of late Millennial/early Generation X single white middle-class women in urban centers of the United States. Rather than look down upon it and mock it, we must understand the root of such behavior. Besides, every culture has their own unique and accepted way of seeking attention.
Rather than mock even sven, we should learn more about her subculture, to better understand why she and her peers reacting this way to burping. I’m going to open my mind by studying some sassy chick lit, watching the first season of Sex in the City on Netflix, and going to yoga classes.
My husband and I have decided that US Americans murder each other so much because you can’t burp and fart even in the privacy of your own house. So much repression just builds up until it has to explode some way.
But if you are burping and farting in front of guests, then you are not in the ‘privacy’ of your own house, you are in your house, but with other people.
Here’s hoping the flight isn’t delayed. That happened to me once, when i was long past the “OMG these people are obnoxious stage”. I wanted to cry.
The guests probably need to burp and fart, too.
Well, well, well, look at Mr High Society over here what with the no fucking on the ottoman and non-shitting of the pants. May we all strive to be as civilized as you.
Not high and mighty, just properly socialized. Expecting people to refrain from intentionally burping and farting loudly and then discussing the act is hardly a high bar for civilization.
Oh, dear, Drunky Smurf. You’re sounding kind of repressed. I recommend a good blast of the tushie trumpet. Preferably in **Cat Whisperer’s **house.
Exactly. One thing I keep forgetting is that the internet is a cross section of society. There are people online I interact with whom I would not want to have in my home. The un-mannered and ill-mannered are in this class.
As a Gen-Xer, I feel like I should be offended, but I’ll just say that you have much to learn from us.
I respectfully submit that a random venting on an anonymous message board is to be much preferred over shunning a loved mother, or - possibly worse - telling a grown man what to do in his own house. Now that would be pretty intolerant.
I’m certain that eventually even sven will view it as a touching demonstration that the gentleman sees her as family, eventually.
Ah, I laughed myself silly over that one.
I applaud you in your determination to not shit your pants. I hope you eventually succeed in not shitting your pants. That is quite a life goal that you have.
Applauds. This thread drift is hilarious. 