**Ninjachick **seems to have a perfectly normal relationship with her family. It’s her relatives she wants nothing to do with.
Oh shut the fuck up. Nobody said family was always sunshine and puppies. And she is a big jerk.
And for the record, my mom DOES have BPD and there are times I have wished for nothing more than her slow, long-suffering demise. But now that we are actually facing exactly that I’ve spent the last three months mentally preparing what the fuck to say about her at her funeral. It’s given me a slightly new perspective on family and tolerance and how best to spend the time we do have with people.
This isn’t the Pit. Don’t tell people to ‘shut the fuck up’, and don’t insult other posters.
I love seeing my family at our semi-annual gatherings, but I’m firmly in NinjaChick’s camp here.
For those of you who are on your high horses with your relatives of historical value and your “it’s only once a year”, please go back and read the OP again, and try to give equal attention to the following parts:
And especially:
Bolding mine.
It sounds to me like NinjaChick tried to make a reasonable request given her current situation with school, and is being overridden like a child. I’d be peeved too.
I disagree. She is a child. At least, when it comes to her relationship to her family. And I don’t think her request was reasonable. Unless her family spending time together over the holidays is some crazy, new, unprecedented thing I think her expectation to stay out of it because she has “better things to do” is incredibly petulant.
Sorry, the BPD example pushed a button. My point is that no matter how much you may absolutely, literally hate your family = they’re family and you (the general you, not the specific you) can suck it up for a day or two each year for the sake of the family.
Whether you care about your relatives or not, they very likely care about you and might actually even enjoy your presence. She probably doesn’t fully appreciate it at this point in life, but trust me - some day you will find yourself wondering why you worked so hard to alienate yourself from people who welcome and love you without needing a reason to.
We’ll have to agree to disagree on this, I guess.
NinjaChick doesn’t hate her family. She said she would prefer a compromise (see the part about buying a different plane ticket, but lacking the money). Since that is not possible, she asked for an “exemption”, if you will, and was roundly shouted down.
Very possible, but missing a Christmas gathering wouldn’t be the end of the world for anyone. With all due respect, it sounds like this topic may be hitting you a little too close to home.
Funny how when people start a sentence with, “With all due respect,” or, “No offense intended,” they generally mean just the opposite.
No shit this is hitting close to home. I’ve been in her place before. I thought I had better things to do, too. I thought my time was much more important than spending time with some crazy old relatives that I didn’t even hardly know, and that my requests to just be left alone were reasonable. I’ve been in her place exactly. And she’s wrong.
She may not regret it now, or even a year or two down the road, but eventually she’ll realize that it wouldn’t have killed her to spend a little time with her relatives over the holidays, and in the grand scheme of things a day or two on her thesis or grad applications is not going to make any difference.
Skipping one fucking Christmas gathering isn’t going to kill anyone, and it’s perfectly fucking ok to take one goddamn year off. Seriously, xjetgirl, fucking chill.
they may be way cool to sit and talk to one on one, BUT at a family gathering like this you are lucky to hear yourself think, let alone corner one person for some quality talking time.
Frankly, I detest family gatherings like this as well. I would rather find some way to get one on one time with someone and get my damned paperwork done - that paperwork can make or break your education for a long time.
Cant you perhaps find some way to stay at school, in a local rooming house or with a friend with the excuse of needing to get the educational paperwork done?
and by the way, it took my dad dying to find out he had 2 bronze stars and a silver, not just a bronze and a silver. We found the paperwork while going through papers … and I was on good terms with my dad. Chances are he wouldnt have talked much about what happened in Holland. Most ww2 vets prefer not to talk about combat.
“With all due respect” was meant to indicate that I understand your mother’s health is failing, and I don’t mean to be disrespectful by pointing it out in relation to your post. If you’re “hearing” my post in any other type of “voice”, it’s incorrect.
This could very well be true. But I don’t know NinjaChick, her family, or anything about her schooling, so I wouldn’t presume to know. I’m just going by what she’s written in her OP.
And it won’t kill her to go, either.
No - YOU regret your choices. The OP may not regret her choices ever or at all. YOU cannot say how SHE will feel, because YOU are not HER.
I’m sorry you’re going through tough times. But you need to calm down.
You seem to be decreeing that everyone’s situation is exactly like yours and everyone should approach their attitude to their family exactly like you do. I really don’t see how your unfortunate situation must necessarily translate to NinjaChick’s. It’s good that you have the opportunity for some insight into your own personal relationships, but you’re talking about two vastly different situations. NinjaChick is overwhelmed by graduate school applications and needs some time off from family. This doesn’t necessarily make her spoiled or ungrateful, even if she has the most wonderful loving family in the world. She has made a perfectly reasonable request to just keep to herself for one holiday. Nobody should have to put their mental health second to a family member’s rigid demands. I’m sorry you are feeling the sting of regret, but that doesn’t make it okay to take it out on other people by forcing your life lessons onto them.
Did you miss her list of major important things to do?
Grad school applications and a thesis. Those are not yearly concerns, more like once in a lifetime concerns. Give her a break. And if she’s as disconnected from her extended family as she claims, I doubt anyone besides her mother and father will even notice her absence.
You seem to understand her relatives’ position well. So much so, that I expect that you are much like them. Is it a wonder why NinjaChick doesn’t want to spend time with them when you insulted her after just exchanging a few posts?
No, I didn’t miss them, I just don’t consider them important enough to blow off family for.
Darn, you figured out I’m secretly her relative :rolleyes:
No, I’m nothing like her relatives, but I have relatives just like that myself so I feel I’m in a unique position to share insight. But I’ll back the fuck off since apparently I’m talking out of my ass and she was just looking for validation for her selfish behavior anyways.
Something that affects how she will spend the next few years of her life isn’t worth not spending the holidays with relatives? I’m almost afraid to ask what would be worth it then.
If you were “sharing insight” you probably should have ended that quote with “And I was wrong”.