Family fun: Scumbag Christmas Playlist!

Cafe Society
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So I’m with family and we are drinking, putting up Christmas decorations, and thinking about an appropriate (ie, dark and evil, because that’s who we are) Christmas playlist. In other words, a Christmas playlist where something about the song is…disturbing. Perhaps the lyrics are racist, perhaps they are sexist, perhaps the singer was later revealed to be a secret Nazi.

The obvious candidate is “Baby it’s cold outside” (though, full disclosure, I am not bothered by that song).

“Santa Baby” gets Google results as disturbing because the singer is a blackmailing female gold digger willing to seduce Santa for presents.

My candidate is “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.” In what universe do we make light of a child seeing apparent infidelity? Yes, we listeners know that Daddy was dressed up as Santa, but the child doesn’t know that. Eww.

Please provide your suggestions and explain why they belong on this playlist.

ETA: There are some obviously satirical songs that are candidates, but we’re thinking more in terms of old favorites where the disturbing parts aren’t on the surface.

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This group of songs probably do not meet your criteria, but when someone encounters one or more, he or she will be tempted to murder.

Dogs barking or cats meowing to “Jingle Bells.”

Just thinking about it gives me a migraine!

~VOW

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Kip Adotta sings, “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus.”

I think it speaks for itself.

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There are several from the album “A John Waters Christmas” that I won’t link to here because some of them are NSFW.

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No one’s mentioned “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”, with Santa as the scumbag, and I ran across this one by Dennis Leary, “Merry F****ng Christmas”, and the a hip-hop take on christmas, “A F***ed Up Christmas”

And then a christmasy murder ballad (pay close attention to the lyrics)

And this well known one is about a (then) famous Christmas murder of a woman named…

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Fairytale of New York has lovers calling each other “a bum,” “a punk,” an “old slut on junk,” a “scumbag,” a “maggot,” and a “cheap lousy faggot.”

I don’t know how a scumbag Christmas playlist can exist without this song. It starts sweet, ends sweet, with a whole lotta scumbaggery in the middle.

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Moved to CS (from IMHO).

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I found the song “Santa Lost A Ho” a few years ago and found it to be very funny and delightful. It’s actually not too “scummy” but it’s at least cheeky. If nothing else the title would look good amongst the others.

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“Merry Christmas from the Family” – drunk parents, one guy with a current wife in AA & two exes, and they’re not sure about a girl’s Mexican boyfriend. I prefer the Montgomery Gentry version:

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I would never recommend this song on this board but since the OP asked:

Santa Claus is a Fat Prick. By Insane Clown Posse.

Yes ICP are idiots. But the song is actually pretty funny.

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This list would not be complete without Mr Garrison’s take on Christmas

Warning: not for the easily offended! Naughty/offensive language etc

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I think the Kinks’ “Father Christmas” would fit. It’s about Santa being mugged by street punks.

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The list would be obliged to include Weird Al’s “Christmas at Ground Zero”.

Bob Rivers’ “Osama Got Run Over By A Reindeer” is another candidate. Actually, you could populate an entire Xmas album with “dark” Bob Rivers songs.

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Well, there’s Merry Fucking Christmas from South Park…

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…or a murderer.

Phil Spector put out a whole album:

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Then I would recommend “Santa Looks a lot Like Daddy” by Buck Owens. It’s the same basic idea, just a much better song.

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The Goodies actually had a hit with Father Christmas do not touch me. It’s scummy, but that was always the joke, so I guess it kind of counts. Also, I would assume that it’s not well known outside of the UK, so the scummy joke would at least be fresh.

The joke is that the after the preamble, the verse

Father Christmas do not touch me
Father Christmas do not touch me
Father Christmas do not touch me
As she stood beneath the mistletoe

- is shortened by one word each goaround, thus:

Summary

Father Christmas do not touch me!
Father Christmas do not touch!
Father Christmas do not!
Father Christmas do!
Father Christmas!
Farther!

If you must:

j

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How about Back Door Santa who makes little girls happy when the boys go out to play?

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I actually like this one (no I don’t dress up):

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Can’t search for a link right now, but my ex-husband had a “Dr. Dirty” cassette with such classics as It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Syphilis, Hark! The Hare-Lipped Angels Sing, Silent Fart, etc.