Now you know.
I don’t think “Save the Date” communications are necessarily pompous. Assuming that your guests will therefore make it their 1st priority, is.
I don’t get the shower invites going out a week in advance, is that common in other places? Around here it’s more like a month ahead of time. One week seems very close, given that people have to shop for and wrap a nice present. And I get that the date was mentioned months in advance, but plans (and guests lists) change, it’s kinda on the host to follow up and make sure people get the details in the right time frame.
Did everyone get an invitation 1 week in advance, or was this family an exception?
I think a “save the date” for a bridal shower 9 months in advance is kind of ridiculous. Even for the wedding itself, that’s kind of pushing it.
Agreed.
But weddings, anniversary parties, family reunions…meh. As long as we all understand that it’s a pre-cursor to an invitation, not some sort of bridal fiat.
Jesus Christ, people, since when did an invitation become a summons? Has the entire world lost it’s mind? If I send you a “save the date” or an invitation, it’s because I value your presence and want to give you plenty of notice, but if you can’t make it, you can’t make it.
I think “save the date” communication for the actual wedding is a fantastic idea - it allows people to make good plans and avoid double-booking two things that they would really like to attend. If someone sent me a “save the date” notice for a shower, I’d probably just chuck it. They should be reserved for just the actual wedding (especially since weddings tend to be in summer, when people are vacationing, and people can arrange vacation plans to include a wedding invite).
I thought I might not understand the term you were using. . . net nanny. So I looked it up. Apparently, it’s a software filter that disallows certain programs or certain words that parents don’t want their children to see.
Given that, I don’t see how it’s not you who are being the net nanny. You want other people not to call the OP bridezilla. It’s just a word. You’re trying to get it filtered from the vocabulary of people using it here. That’s more like the software. . . trying to filter out other people’s words.
Here’s where you’re trying to get everyone to change their choice of words:
I tried to give it a bit of slack because you compared it to other OPs that have gone on here recently where people seemed to be censoring themselves for various reasons. But evidently, that didn’t help because you’re still saying that I’m the net nanny.
And now you’re saying I’m entitled to be the net nanny despite your admonition that I shouldn’t be one here:
Or was that just a suggestion? And since I don’t think I fall under the definition of net nanny that I could find, I don’t think I’ll be taking that suggestion.
I’ve been thinking about it. If you’d like to create it, I’d try to participate.
Your point seems to be that you can’t post things in the Pit because people might say unreasonable things in response.
I think that my point is that sometimes what the OP might think is an unreasonable response is just another perspective. Most of the harsh responses are really just people saying that the OP should take responsibility for the situation that they had a part in creating.
And of course, people should consider the source.
Do you really think valleyofthedolls is trying to censor people? It seems to me like she’s pointing out excessive harshness. Not the same thing. She’s not proscribing mean behavior, she’s criticizing it. Don’t you think you can do one without doing the other?
You shouldn’t post things like this in the Pit unless you are ready for unreasonable, unkind, and unhelpful comments to be made about you. If the OP didn’t want these kinds of responses, she would have been better off toning it down and posting it in MPSIMS. She made a choice, and you’re right, she has to take what she gets here in the Pit. Doesn’t mean people can’t disagree with or point out the harshness. It’s the nature of the beast, though, that it will happen.
Some of it was advice, and some of it was just mean and not at all well-intentioned, such as:
Posting in MPSIMS would definitely eliminate the possibility of turds like this being dropped into the thread, which contribute nothing but hurtfulness. But forget it, Jake. It’s the Pit. You pays your money and you takes your chances, right?
I think it was more likely inferred that this particular family group would prioritize the OP’s shower not simply because of the relationship nor because some “save the date” notice had been sent or even because the invitation had been sent, but because the event had been discussed at Christmas. It seems to me that if the aunt and cousins were active, convivial participants in a discussion about the OP’s upcoming shower and wedding, it would make sense for her to come to the conclusion that they were happy for her and would make an effort to be a part of the festivities to celebrate her milestone event.
One can be happy for someone without attending the party in their honor. If any of my aunts or uncles were no-shows at my shower, or even my wedding, then I’d assume they had something else going on. I’d never jump to the conclusion that they didn’t love me or worse, were trying to insult me. And if they sent me a gift, even months later, I’d be touched. Seriously.
I think it’s clear that this family was broken long before the OPers’ wedding. And being loyal to her father, which is natural, she’s following his lead and blaming the Uncle for everything. However, it’s clear to me, an outsider, that her father is a big part of the problem because he helped fan the flames of discord. He’s now personally involved his daughter in HIS feud. And he should be ashamed of himself because not only has he hurt his mother, who must be sick about all this tension, but he’s also hurt his own daughter.
Oh, you can post in the pit despite unreasonable responses, but in my own case, I’d have to need an extra hole in my head to do so. And like Ruby pointed out, just because one is prepared for such an eventuality, doesn’t mean that others should be so accomodating. But like in the scenario I mentioned, that’s not “just another perspective.” That’s something completely out in left field that can easily derail a thread and make it all about the person with the warped ideas. For more examples, see anything recently with curlcoat in it.
Anyway, what I meant to flesh out instead, yet completely got sidetracked explaining (due to seeing a correlation between certain flashpoint words, like bridezilla) this other stuff, is that almost every time there’s a pit topic more in line with this one is that folks mention within the thread that it shouldn’t be in this forum. This seems to happen a lot and usually, if I’m paying attention, by the same members. For instance, I notice Carol Stream does it considerably. And considering the mods don’t object to placements they allow to remain here, I don’t really understand why this is how those people handle it. I could get reporting it or starting your own thread (either in ATMB or the pit) to hash it out, but only putting it within the confines of the original is odd. I’m not even sure what the expected outcome is supposed to be…
Finally, one last word about MSPIMS. Sometimes your damned if you do and equally damned if you don’t. Right now Zoe has a thread there about her nephew’s accident while he’d been drinking. Just because of the location that hasn’t stopped several people from basically, in my humble opinion, thread shitting. Yeah, you [generally speaking] wanna bitch about drunk driving? Then start a thread of your own to do so, but don’t clutter up something that’s pretty much meant for the expressment of support with your RO. I mean, I’m sure that’s just one of the reasons why she put it there in the first place rather than the pit so that she could avoid that sort of thing. Yet on it goes, so I don’t think the ‘solution’ of putting stuff there for less harsh responses necessarily bears out the folks who suggest that.
But if you’d like to start a discussion of this, I’m sure the world would prefer that to me doing it. Otherwise, the OP will be 47 paragraphs long and still not make that much sense. I’d love to participate though. That way whoever’d like can just ignore me and we can reach the same conclusions as always. 
Zoe started that thread in the Pit as a rant. It was moved to MPSIMS by a mod.
Regardless (and I’d forgotten that it had been moved), Ed changed it to that forum by post #11. All the shitty, not-appropriate-for-MPSIMS-or-that-thread comments came after that.
Which comments were those? Even Zoe said that the posts that were critical of her nephew’s actions weren’t threadshitting. She herself is both saddened and angry, as are most of the posters.
?
Probably the very same ones you’re talking about. I appreciate the fact that Zoe said they weren’t threadshitting (and since it’s her thread, it’s only her opinion that matters), but considering how distraught she is, perhaps that’s the best way to handle it since other issues are much more important.
However, I’m still of the mind that they were. The reason is that it’s not uncommon to be against drunk driving and if anyone wishes to rail against it, I honestly believe there is a better place to do it than 1) MPSIMS, 2) in a thread that’s veered towards support and 3) to a person who didn’t cause or advocate the accident in the first place. It just seemed like, in my humble opinion, that the more hard line types (say Seven) were sussing out their own issues rather than dealing with the specific topic. Plenty of other people voiced concerns, but the smackdown of the ‘drunk driving mindset’ if you will, would’ve been best served elsewhere.
For the record, I didn’t think your posts there were anything but appropriate. There was a way to speak about the things related to drunk driving without it constituting a threadshit and you did it. If only everyone had.
Zoe started that thread precisely to be a Pit thread against drunk driving. She was using her nephew as an object lesson. It wasn’t “veered to support.” It was a rant. The people you call “threadshitters” were just agreeing with the OP.
Dio, I’m giving my opinion, nothing else. You also didn’t do what I’m talking about in that thread. So why do you care what I think??
I started a thread asking about why some threads are moved and some are not. I didn’t include Zoe’s as an example because I can understand why that was moved. Zoe is probably feeling quite upset and pained, and moving the thread to MPSIMS protects her from insensitive and unkind comments. Even if her intent was to Pit drunk driving, and she is OK with negative comments about her nephew, it just seems like a bad idea to leave someone experiencing a personal tragedy exposed to the possible nastiness of a Pit thread.
I think the examples in my thread better illustrate my feelings of puzzlement. The Pit is for vitriolic rants, but if the OP is on a very personal topic, they may get more than they bargained for, and wind up feeling worse.
Agreed.