Do you object to the offering different perspectives, or just the tone some people take? To me, the Pit is never a place where you can expect unquestioning sympathy–MPSIMS or your blog is the place for that. On the other hand, I agree that kicking someone when they are down is simply sadistic. One can offer another point of view without being a dick about it.
It’s the tone. There are plenty of ways to tell someone to man up and quit whining, or offer them a differing perspective on their situation, without saying things that are simply insulting and nothing more (post #39). Of course, you are under no obligation to be helpful or kind in the Pit, and can be as gratuitously cruel as you wish. That’s how the Pit is and I wouldn’t have it any other way. When there’s a back and forth occurring, and people get into mutually insulting each other, that’s totally different than entering a thread, saying some drive by shitty comment, and leaving. This is why mods move threads that are personal, I’d think, because the potential for making someone feel bad is higher. The OP of this thread is a SDMB newbie, which I think would have made it more likely for the thread to be moved.
I’ve been on the recieving end of ‘help’ in the Pit. I put the threads there because I knew it’d attract heated discussion. The Pit is definately not group therapy, more like the ‘self-criticism’ sessions in totalitarian regimes.
But, believe it or not, after all the hate, harsh words, misunderstandings (and name calling. Sorry about that, Ruby.) I did take quite a bit away from it, to hear another side. It gelled later, of course. And I never did get to thank all the ‘bluenose church ladies’ and ‘Jackels’ for ripping apart my facade, and looking closer at myself.
So, definately not group therapy, more like shock treatment, but you know, it works sometimes.
I do think the OP is making much ado about not much, but I totally understand being upset about it, even if venting here in the Pit can be ill-advised.
I see some of the same names here, so apologies for continuing the hijack from wedding ettiquete to Pit ettiquete, and thanks to the brutally honest dopers with a low tolerance for BS.
Considering you tried telling me that I should accept window-rattling rap in a thread that had nothing to do with it, and then got huffy when I didn’t agree with your idealistic view of the world, this is an odd thing for you to say.
People like to, you know, tell others what to do and think. Others just like to derail discussions on bad family dynamics by bringing up Pit rules…
OP, do what feels right to you. You know your family so you are the best judge of what the right reactions to things are. Don’t worry about the folks here that are calling you Bridezilla and whatever else - there are some people here that just like to shit on others.
I didn’t get huffy and I tried to offer the rap thing as an illustration. My desire was to show another point of view so that, perhaps, things would make more sense. However, I just now think (possibly wrongly, but I honestly no longer care) there’s no good reason attempting to engage you in any way. You live and think however you want and there’ll be absolutely zilch interference from me. Notice I didn’t address the last bit you quoted to you and I’ll refrain from doing so in the future. So you can just knock yourself out.
So it’s OK for you to have your opinions, and it’s OK for you to expect me to accept them, but I can’t live and think however I want? Interesting.
No, she said you can live and think however you want. She’ll just choose not to engage you.
Since we’re discussing it here, I once posted an intensely personal Pit thread early in my career here. It went fine until the end, and then some accusations of attention-whoring and lying came out. It stung at the time, but I moved past it and have come to see the Pit as pretty valuable in that you really do get to hear exactly what people think, even if it’s not what you want to hear. I rather wish some mods would have moved that thread, and I’m positive they would move it now, but then again, what doesn’t kill you…
No, she’ll just drag her problems with me into at least one other post. Childish.
The Pit is an interesting place but it does seem to have too many people that have rather narrow definition of “right”.