My sister took her five-year-old daughter to visit someone who had a few goats. She (my niece) wanted to know the goats’ names, but she kept forgetting which of the goats was the male. Sis told her that he was the one that kept going in and out of the house.
Understanding lit up my niece’s face as she said, “OH!! He’s the one with the uvula on his butt!”
Favorite Niece, while watching TV and eating M and M’s with me, “There’s nothing better than watching 'toons with candy in your mouth.”
I love her.
Me, speaking absently and to no one in particular: “I need to use the bathroom.”
My three-year-old nephew, speaking quite seriously and raising his finger to emphasize his point: “Make sure you close the door and lock it so no one sees your junk.”
I spent a couple of days breaking the copy protection on Transformers 2, cutting the most objectionable 5 minutes of content, transcoded it back out to a DVD and showed it to my 6 year old boys (one is a DIE hard Transformers fan)…I asked him what he thought, he said.
“Well…it was alright”
Where alright was said with a ‘it beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick’ kind of inflection.
If Michael Bay can’t snow over a 6 year old, he’s gonna need some help with T3
I was having a Mommy moment with my 3 year-old son. I looked at him fondly and said, “Honey, don’t ever grow up”.
He looked back earnestly and said, "But Mommy, I can’t grow down.
I was standing at the front door barking orders and reminders at my two sons (3 and 6) as I hurried to get them out the door. I’d reduced everything to a kind of staccato, “You” I pointed, “Shoes, coat, hat, out!”
The 6 year-old pointee replied, “Um o-kay, Tarzan”. It was hilarious.
On occasion, we threaten the Smaller Girl with tickling “because you’re so ticklable.”
She has taken to replying “No, I am NOT ticklable. I am cuddlable”
I’d go over to Collin (then three) with my pointer finger curled over saying ‘FINGER OF DOOOOOM!’ then tickling him.
He’d then do it to me but his finger would be bent too far (no finger tip out for tickling), he’s say ‘finger of doom!’ and I’d reply, “That’s not the finger of doom! Those are the knuckles of disappointment!”
Soon thereafter I’d hold my finger out straight and say “What’s this?” and he’d reply “Finger!”, I’d then curl it over and with an air of resignation, he’d add “…of dooom.”
This was the first year my daughter really “got” Santa. The next day, she comes to me crying her little eyes out. “I miss Santa! She’s my friend! I miss her!” I, being the caring and compassionate parent console her, whisper platitudes and ask if there is anything I can do to make it better. She replies:
I-I w-w-want BACON!
Yep, she’s mine.
Oooh, you reminded me of another one of mine from a few years ago.
I’m having a discussion with the Taller Girl (then about 4) about the Dodo, and why there aren’t any around any more (because people killed them all and ate them)
She starts getting really upset and her eyes fill with tears.
“But Mummy, I really REALLY want to taste a dodo!”
:eek:
my daughter, the environmentalist 
Unintentionally Blank that’s hilarious. We have a doom-filled finger in our house too, it’s called the Poking Finger. Its mission is to poke grumpy small children.
For some strange reason, though, when the Poking Finger shows up all the grumpy children disappear. Poking Finger generally has to poke Mummy instead (to much hilarity)
3 year old (or so) daughter was shown a full moon. A few days later when seeing a much diminished moon she exclaimed “Who broke the moon ?”
When coming back from a neighbor’s she was asked a question. Answer, a dead serious AB-solutely ! (not a word we expected from a toddler).
She once bursted into the bathroom as I was taking a shower. “*Hey, daddy got a penis… TWO !! *”
Funny, Gymnopithecus. When my daughter was 1 year old she said a similar thing. She was shown the full moon one day, and kept saying “Moon. Moon! Moon!”. A few weeks later she saw the crescent moon, and started sobbing, “Moon…broken!”
My younger daughter at 2 years old once did a loud burp. With a surprised look on her face she told me, “Daddy! I farted out my mouth!”
My daughter said two things when she was about four that were hilarious but not her fault. Both times she was in the back seat when I was driving.
“Daddy, what does ‘fuck’ mean?”
“Daddy, how did you know his name was Dick?”
My daughter was once talking about my “beep machine.” She was talking about my alarm clock.
We were having breakfast on a Saturday morning. The boys were probably 3 and 5 and the time. For whatever reason (probably because we live out in the country, the younger one had taken to going outside to pee. Well, in the middle of breakfast he jumps down, opens the slider, and goes outside to pee off the side of the porch - in full view of the rest of us. The five year old, without missing a bite, glances over and says…
“Hmmm, dinner and a show.”
Great Lemur ! But I’m not a hidden monkey (that’s what gymnopithecus means), not even a lemur. :eek: 
After the hubbub of organizing groceries in the trunk, the two daughters (6 & 4 yo) in the backseat and purse in the proper place, etc. etc., I drive out of the store parking lot. Not hearing the usual chatter from Youngerdottir, I call behind me, “Youngerdottir, are you back there?”
And a tiny but sardonic voice comes back, “No, you left me.”
Understand, we don’t cuss around the house. I’m driving with my 6 year old daughter and a car pulls out in front of us and goes 15 mph (45 mph zone). I hit the brakes, yell, “Move, damn it!”, and pass them on the left. My daughter looks out the back window, turns to me, and says, “The Damnits haven’t moved yet.”
Took my 10 year old grandson to an amusement park. We’re watching a ride that has the open air rocket ship swinging on a pendulum, gaining momentum, and finally making a complete circle. The ride operator, of course, stops it while it’s upside down for a while. I’m all excited and say, “Okay, are you ready? Let’ s go!!”
My grandson, with a vocabulary I didn’t realize he had, "Can we go on something less agonizingly terrifying?
Kids are great.
When my wife was very pregnant with kid #2, kid #1 came up behind her and said “Mom? Is the baby growing in your butt a little?”
My nephew’s first sentence ever was “Hi. I’m Bob Villa”. Said just randomly in the car.
When I was a kid, I really hated wearing socks. Still do, for that matter.
I must have been five or six when, after surreptitiously taking my socks off at home, being caught and told to put them back on, I exclaimed grandma’s insistence I wear socks “violates my Constitutional rights !”.
To this day, she brings it up whenever she sees me walking barefoot.