I think I love you! 
I am crying with laughter here.
Agreed, that’s an instant classic. Very well told.
Thanks!
All true, I assure you! Luckily my mom isn’t on this site - she’d be mad at me for besmirching her perfect daughter-in-law’s good name.
As a Homebrewer, I can tell you, there isn’t enough bandwidth on the Internet to finish all the horrific fart stories I have to share.
My ex-wife was the Queen of the SBDs, and she knew how to deal with my reaction to them. She’d be sitting there innocently, quietly knitting or watching TV, never letting on what would happen. Then, a stench would fill the room. I’d look over and ask, “Did you fart?” She would look me in the eye, and in a Betty Boop voice, say, “Oopsie!” Never failed to get me laughing.
On a different note, my Grandmother was from a different time, where ladies and gentlemen never discussed bodily functions. Consequently, farts had never been discussed in her presence; and as a result, she wasn’t aware of slang regarding them. So our family was visiting at Grandmother’s one day (I was probably 12–the prime age to enjoy fart jokes), and Grandmother, always hospitable, had prepared a snack to accompany drinks. After serving drinks to Mom and Dad, and Cokes to Sis and I, she went back to the kitchen, then returned carrying a tray of cheese and crackers. “Who would like to cut the cheese?” she asked innocently.
My Mom burst out laughing, and laughed so hard that she had to leave the room. Dad tried to be polite and hold it in, but couldn’t, and his great big voice just laughed and laughed. My sister and I were laughing too.
When we had all settled down, Grandmother, completely ignorant of what she had just said, asked, “I don’t get it; what’s so funny?” At which point we all cracked up again.
The Little Princess will only follow her mother’s many, many rules when she feels like it but oh, does she love pointing them to others!
One time we were all at my mother’s when Mom farted. “Oops, excuse me”, she said. And the Little Princess said “you farted!” “Yes I did.” “One does not fart!” “Does not, one?” “That’s what my mother said, and she” “Well, if that one doesn’t fart that’s her business. This one does fart. It’s my house and I fart if I want to!” And she let rip another one.
The Little Princess still hasn’t quite recovered. She’s convinced that Grandma Maite and Aunt Nava are the unruliest people in the whole world, followed very closely by Uncle Jay (our reactions to “my mother says” tend to be along the lines of “her and what army?”).
It seems to me that just about every second fart thread on this board is a zombie thread. I guess threads about farts are more likely to draw people to this board? 
Someone I knew used to use the word “fluff” instead of “fart”. Thought it was more genteel or something.
Ergo, your name, and this thread, combine to produce the “perfect storm” :D.
I actually popped into tell one tale on my spouse, and saw I posted it to the thread already in 2006!
When I was dating (in HS and college), I never felt comfortable farting in front of my boyfriends. But I grew up in a family of proud farters, so this was not some outgrowth of my youth or how I was raised. It was just an unsure-ness, I suppose.
When I began dating a man I thought could be the one, I decided that if I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, I would not do it whilst not farting freely. On our second date, we were laying on the couch. I farted on his leg. We both laughed hysterically. We got married about a year later.
I’ve never voluntarily farted in front of my husband, and he has never voluntarily farted in front of me. That said, one night he farted so loud in his sleep he scared himself and tried to burrow under the pillow my head was on at the time. I laughed so hard I was crying in bed.
When I was very heavily pregnant (maybe 8 1/2 months), I farted on him when we were trying to have sex. It was absolutely hilarious. Though it kinda ruined the mood - we had to wait until a day later before we tried again because we kept breaking into fits of giggles (and in my case, potential farts) every time I had my back to him.