I’m currently trying to finsih up college, and I want to take classes I want to take, he only wants me to take classes that help me graduate (translation: out of his life forever). The thing is: he acts like the two are mutually exclusive. I wouldn’t be in this mess if I was allowed to move when given the chance, and could decide my own future and schedule, instead of living for him!
So what are you going to do? have you tried talking? If he won’t listen to you maybe ask someone else to try and explain that the classes you choose are the ones that are best for you.
-Gartog
(Not sure if you were soliciting advise, or just venting)
If you are of college age, why do you need anyone’s permission to move? Or to determine your own futurs and schedule?
Who is paying the tab for college? I’d say that person has considerable say over what their $ is going towards.
Sounds to me like your father is paying your way. And therefore, thinks he has control over what classes you take.
I would suggest getting a job, and/or taking some student loans to pay for it on your own. However, if you have a father who exerts that much control over you, I’d say that would be an uphill battle non-the-less. If talking to him does not work, show him you mean business by getting a full-time job.
On the other hand if you are lazy, and sit around wanting him to pay for everything and you do nothing, there is little I can say in terms of advice.
And if you are in the USA, and over 18, you can move without his permission, and his money.
It’s the money isn’t it?
If you are after advise, some more info would be nice.
A thought occurs to me. He may only be doing what he precieves as best for you, of course your idea of what is best may be somewhat different.
But if that is what he’s trying to do, then cut him a little slack, and he’s proably been around for a little lnger than you, so if you listen he may have some good advice.
Of course on the other hand he may be a complete jerk, we haven’t met, so I don’t know.
I didn’t see this post. I am forced to disagree with Dinsdale. Parents who are footing the bill for their children, should want them to be happy in life, and being in college is something to be proud about. Why exert control over something that is for your child’s betterment and not your own?
Granted, if the kid is partying and getting shit grades, and really screwing up, then I would tend towards saying the father should step in.
More relevent info: I have student loans, which MAY be cancelled due to a voucher I have. He doesn’t care what I think, I’ve done most of what I’ve done the last few years for HIM, not because I wanted to do it. The reprecutions (sp?) are irrlevent to him, only that I had to live a lie to please him. HE wants me out of his life, and once I have my housing voucher, he’ll get his wish! (BTW I venting/soliciting, keep it coming)
Never live a lie for too long young grasshopper!
Get the job, get more student loans, and live on your own. Sounds like you want to, but lack the ability to. We can help. You just need to give more than your 50% right now. It’s going to be a struggle, but you’ll be fine with some perseverence. I went through it and only recently paid my first college off.
Me and my old man used to have a similar relationship when I was going to college.
He’s dead now, and I miss him and am sorry I let stupid, irrelivant shit get between us when he was alive. Can’t do anything about it now. Take that for what its worth.
Turn signal on between Fallon and Austin.
If what you are saying is true, then you need to start living your own life as soon as you can, and hope that your father comes to accept that.
I’m not overly familiar with the US education system of fees, so I won’t be much help there, I’m afraid.
Good Luck, and remember there are lots of people hear willing to listen to you venting, and who can help you.
Catfish: I DESPERATELY want a good relationship with him, but he doesn’t make it easy.
Try talking about to him about something completely different, des he have any interests you could ask about, any hobbies he had as a young man etc.?
erictelevision, I feel for you; I think most at your age (and especially between sons and fathers) go through that. One thing caught my eye:
Are you saying that earlier you had wanted to move out and leave school, and he forced you to stay and go to school? If so, that speaks pretty highly of him and his interest in your well-being, even when it went against your intentions.
Bill H. What that meant:I had an opprotunioty to take a subsidized apt. in a nearby town, but was talked out of it, because of the upheaval it could’ve caused in my life. Why I would’ve avoided my problems: would NEVER had taken the work-study job, or cashed that stupid check.
With all due respect Eric I assume in posting this you wanted us to grasp your situation and appreciate your dilemma, but all you are giving us is little disjoint bits and pieces of your scenario that are not really helping (for me at least) us to grasp the context of your anger and feelings of betrayal. oppression etc. at your father’s actions.
Most (not all) parents want their children to graduate college with some degree of dispatch and success and get out to pursue and live a fulfilled, useful life. If a child is taking the senic tour toward graduation this can be frustrating for many parents who want their children to grow up, spread their wings and move along. If a child is taking a significant course load in subjects than have little or no practical application toward graduation in the field they are pursuing, this can also be highly agitating for parents.
Assuming you are an adult you are entitled to make whatever decisions you want about your life, your coursework your degree and the dreams and ambitions you have for your future, but that does not obligate your father to fund them if he considers your plans to be unreasonable. You are both adults at this point and you have the ability to walk away. If the situation is tormenting you to distraction the best thing to do is to change your game plans even if it means being financially responsible for your own education.
The only thing that might affect your freedom (ethically if not operationally) in this context was if you and your father had a “deal” of some sort where he agreed to fund your education in part so long as you pursued a degree in a field he felt was worthwhile and did not delay graduation. Parents with limited real world financial resources (ie most parents) and children make these common sense deals all the time and funding is often rescinded if the child fails to perform, or decides to go off on some seemingly impractical (to the parent) educational tangent.
There’s nothing diabolical here. Deals for substantial support or assistance between adult children and their parents often have strings attached for good and practical reasons. If you want to take the classes you favor tell him that you no longer require his assistance and move on. Complaining about “living for him” will not accomplish anything.