Here’s the deal: my dad lost his job. I posted about it before. This really wasn’t through any fault of his own–I mean, he didn’t have attendance problems or slack off or anything. He just happened to be a too-highly paid middle-management type at Motorola. Thousands like him have experienced the same thing. He’s having trouble finding a job, but that’s because the economy sucks, and he’s fifty-five. He has a good resume, and he’s been applying places. He’s been doing what he can to get re-employed.
However, with the economy being as crappy as it is, it’s entirely possible that my dad won’t find a job for a good, long while. Not his fault–it happens that way, sometimes. Thing is, my dad–and, to a lesser extent, the rest of us–have not been good about money. This has mostly been my dad’s fault. He went hog-wild at Christmas. He’s buying himself new clothes from expensive department stores (including expensive underwear) and going tanning every week. He gets all his clothing dry-cleaned every week. He traded in his not-yet-paid-off 2000 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer edition for a 2003 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, and the payments are more. My parents have house payments. Car payments. Boat payments. Credit card payments. None of these things are going away, because my dad refuses to let them. Even “fun, frivolous” things, like the boat.
When I was home for spring break, I accidentally saw my parents’ bank book (it looks the same as mine, and I often mix them up. It’s not until I look at the balance that I realize it, usually). Looking at what there is in savings, it doesn’t look like there’s going to be enough to pay for college. This, incidentally, is something that makes me bitter. I recognize that my parents do not owe me a college education, and that this isn’t their fault. Thing is, I’m paying for more than half of my education by myself, via academic scholarships that I worked my butt off in high school to get. This was a compromise school–I went here so that I wouldn’t get into debt, and I’m graduating a year and a half early to try and help out. And it still doesn’t look like it’s going to be enough.
Additionally, my dad is becoming more and more emotionally weird. He wanted to go to U of I two weekends ago to see the high school cheerleading state championship. He asked my sister if she wanted to go. Because it would involve a two-night hotel stay during the school year, a week before spring break (which is when a lot of stuff is due, as it’s the end of the high school quarter), she said that she didn’t want to go, but that if he wanted to spend time with her, they could go out to dinner on a regular basis or something.
He spent the next few days referring to her as “bitch” or “the bitch” (depending on whether he was directly addressing her), and then, basically, made her admit how and why she was such a selfish person for not wanting to go. It made me sick. If I had been a male, I would’ve clocked him for speaking to my little sister that way. I’m not, though, so I didn’t. I’m a wuss.
Because of this, and other emotionally abusive, manipulative, and downmight screwy things, my therapist thinks that being home over the summer is not the greatest idea ever. I told him that I’m just staying for the money (it’s more complicated–I don’t want to leave my mom and my sister. But I’m to the point where I’ll do it, because he’s damaging my emotional health, and thereby messing with my future).
This is when I came up with my idea. I’m going to call my mom tomorrow morning (while she’s at work, so my dad can’t listen in), and give her a (sort-of) ultimatum.
I’m going to ask her if they can afford to pay for the remaining semester and a half of college. If she says they can, I will ask (nicely) that the money be transferred to my account (this will give me assurance that, whatever happens, that money will still be secure). If she says that they can’t, or if she won’t transfer the money, I will ask her to cosign a student loan with me, on the condition that if they get the money to pay it off without horrible financial repercussions, they do so (otherwise, I will). If she and my dad won’t do that–which is entirely possible–then I will get a loan on my own, and I will leave home. I have my fiance to go to after I graduate. It won’t be easy, but I should be fine. Or marginally fine. No matter what happens, I’ll be able to finance my education.
I don’t plan on telling her the final part until it looks like that’s what’ll happen. And I will keep in contact with my mom and sister no matter what. And when my dad stops hurting my mom and sister, I’ll start talking to him too.
My question is this: am I being to harsh, or too self-centered? I don’t want to hurt my family, financially or otherwise, but things are getting so bad at home that it looks like I might have to do so. I was an utter basketcase after being at home for two weeks, and I’m afraid that if I stay at home without getting any benefits, I’m going to do something rash, like clock my father or just start yelling.
Is this a bad idea?